Wednesday, June 29, 2022
Monday, June 27, 2022
Friday, June 24, 2022
Thursday, June 16, 2022
Monday, May 23, 2022
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
Wednesday, May 18, 2022
I often wrestle with my restless spirit. The peace of contentment evades me and my mind wanders aimlessly in the emptiness of what ifs. My heart does not profit from this, and I'm left with nothing but exhaustion. And again...here I am.
Maybe it's the gloomy coldness of rainy days below 60 degrees...maybe it's the lack of vitamin D. Maybe it's loneliness. Maybe it's idleness of the soul. Maybe I just miss home. I'm not sure what triggers it, but in moments like this, only one expression seems to fit: blah.
I have things to do but nothing inspiring. I just got done packing my office at work. Each box signifying the end of an era and the beginning of something new...and I'm not 100% sure it will be all good. A hesitant first step indicates that there is no turning back...and I'm glad, but at the same time, I worry...I hope I made the right choice...I hope this move helps us survive...I hope the remedy doesn't end up fully destroying us.
I feel a weight lifting off from my shoulders, but another one descending. The weight of uncertainty can be a heavy one to carry.
What's left for me to do?
I'm not sure, but I know where to find answers. I go to the place in Scripture in which I usually hang out in my times of deepest anguish and anxiety: The Psalms. Maybe King David, a man after God's own heart, who was not a stranger to anguish and persecution can give me some guidance today once again. And as I search, I land on Psalm 27... and this is what the blessed words say:The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Monday, May 16, 2022
Sometimes relaxing is just the hardest thing to do. At least it is for me. It's almost as if I feel guilty when I'm trying to relax. There is so much to do, I just have a hard time allowing myself to chill and take it easy. Life could be so demanding, and I've been so busy that I just can't believe I have time to just...be...
I looked at my list of things to do now that the semester is over, and I had to read it a few times before I realized I actually have time to just not do anything.
We have to get ready for our upcoming trip, and I have to pack my office at work because we are moving...but...all that can wait until Monday. This weekend, something unbelievable is happening: I don't have to rush to do anything! LOL Of course, I have to feed my family, put clothes away, maybe clean a bit...but...nothing is pending over my head...no deadlines...this hasn't happened in YEARS!
It is the blessing of not being in a leadership position anymore. And I am grateful beyond words about that. Some people thrive when they are the boss. I want to shrivel down and die. Being the department chair at work sucked the life out of me, so I am inexpressibly thankful that, as of this past week, I have officially handed that role off to someone else. I am so relieved, it's as if I'm able to breathe again!
The experience taught me that I am not cut out for being in charge. I am not good as a leading lady...I'm more of a supporting role. I'm great at doing what others tell me. I'm not gifted enough to figure out the way on my own. And that's why I'm so grateful that I don't really have to...for I have One who directs my path...I have One who is the Way Himself, and He tells me to follow Him...and that's all I have to do.
I trust Him when He tells me, "Come, follow me."
I'm not the best...I fail over and over again...I do so many stupid things...I'm so far from good...but He is always by my side, next to me...
I can relax now. He fights my battles. He holds me. He is the Light in my darkness. He guides me. He loves me. He guards my sleep...He stays awake so I can rest. He guides my feet into the path of peace...(Luke 1: 79)