I've been a rather selfish type of person...always trying to figure out "what's in it for me." God has funny ways of dealing with selfish people like me, though. He gives us spouses that don't comply, children that think they have their own lives and pets that steal one's heart. Today, my selfish-self is being tested by our furry-friend, Link.
I never had a pet before Link. I'm quite afraid of dogs. I'm allergic to cats. Fish are just too creepy. And there's no way I'm having a glorified rat in my house on purpose! (No offense, please forgive me) So, after resisting the persisting cries for a dog from the other people I live with, we got Link. It's been about seven years since he became a member of our family...and oddly enough, he has been able to chisel through the armor I had wrapped around my heart, and has taken possession of it.
Link, like everyone else in this house, drives me CRAZY! Again, I'm selfish by nature, so, his neediness tests my patience because it represents a demand on my precious time and an alteration to my agenda. But, nothing compares to the faithfulness and devotion he constantly demonstrates to the wretched and selfish me. Link is my companion. He is always sitting by my side wherever I am. He sooths me, petting his curly fur is like a balm to my soul. He cheers me up. And he is never to proud to shower me with his complete demonstrations of affection. He is the only one who I can count on being there, at the top of the stairs, waiting for me. His face is the first one I ever see every time I come in the house. Every morning, he welcomes me with energy and every night he says goodbye to me with his sad puppy eyes.
I never knew this kind of love before...the kind of unselfish love that a furry-friend displays unto his human. That was totally foreign to me, until Link. So now, a day after I got horrible news about a heart condition that is most likely going to cut his life short...I am devastated. The Vet went on and on and on with the explanations of what's wrong with Link...and I was just numb. Nothing made sense to me. I came home with a bunch of pills, a confused mind and a broken heart. I didn't know what to think or how to react. I couldn't process the reality that Link is fading... I kept thinking, he'll be back to his old self tomorrow after a good night sleep...but this morning...he is not. He is slowing down, and I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he is suffering or in pain. I feel lost. That's when I knew I had to write about it to help me digest what's happening.
I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance...and I seem to be hearing, sensing, my old, selfish-self popping back up again. Am I being too selfish in trying to hang on to Link longer than I should in spite of his own suffering?
I don't know.
All know is that in moments like this, we question and wonder why life has to be so hard...why does a loving God make us go through the painful experience of loss?
I don't know the answer to that either. All I know is that God is Good. And that He is Good, ALL the time! Regardless of the circumstances, the truth of God's love is unchangeable. He is Faithful too, and His plans are perfect. All I know is that I choose to trust Him, whether I understand His designs for my life or not...because He is worthy of all my trust and praise...no matter what.
I thank God for having given me Link for all these years...so I could learn more about unselfishness and unconditional love. I am grateful that He allowed me to discover through Link's eyes, that I am not completely unlovable. I would forever praise Him for showing me the Link to my heart. And I trust that my tiny friend still has some more good years in him, but that I will have the clarity of mind to know when time comes...so I'm not guided by my own selfish feelings, and avoidance, but by what is right and best for him.