I open my eyes and it's pitch black. How is that possible? It's 6:00 a.m. Just a few days ago, 6:00 a.m. was still brightly shining with the morning sun in all its glory! What happened?
sigh...
Darkness always catches me by surprise this time of the year. I get so used to summer with its early mornings and long evenings...that when fall starts creeping in...I'm never prepared.
"Once, upon the last day of a golden summer..." there was a middle-aged woman and her melancholic view of the arrival of autumn...anyway...
As my process of saying goodbye to summer is underway, I'm back on chapter 5 in the book Holy Hygge by Jamie Erickson. This chapter has several thought-provoking insights on the topic of suffering and comforting those who are going through the valleys of the shadows. The author relates going through hard times to experiencing winter in her place of residence. She explains how winter in Minnesota is not her favorite season, especially being a transplant from the valley of the sun in Phoenix, Arizona. She went from a place that gets 200+ days of sunshine to an area that doesn't even get 100. Winters are, therefore, her wilderness...her valley of hurt...the metaphor that she uses for times of struggle and difficulty. And I can totally relate!
One of my favorite quotes says:
"Sometimes in God's love for us, He walks us through the bleakness of winters, not around it. He knows that in our emotional poverty, we will lean harder, cling tighter, trust longer while sitting in pain than in pleasure. our winters will make us desperate for Him and the comfort only He can provide." (p. 134)
WOW!
It is winter, not summer, that will create the best conditions for me to grow closer to Christ. It is in our winters when we truly appreciate how He wraps us in the comfy blanket of His presence. It is in our winters when we truly experience the deep gratitude for how He provides the sustenance that we are unable to get for ourselves. It is in our winters when we truly have the deep awareness of how He walks with us, and often carries us in the warmth of His arms. It is in our winters when we realize our profound need for His angels, the people He has placed around us, to be by our side.
The second question in our little survey during our summer book chat asked:
When I was in need of comfort, I wish someone had______________
So often, we just don't know what to do or say to offer a bit of comfort to those going through their own winters. So often, when we ourselves are the ones in the middle of our winters, we don't even know what we need from those willing to help us out. That's why we thought it would be a good idea to compile a list to keep handy for when we should communicate our own needs for comfort as well as for when we need to extend actions of comfort to those in their seasons of hurting. So, here's a brief summary of some specific actions of comfort that might get overlooked in the midst of the struggle:
First of all, it is important to mention that the majority of the respondents had nothing to add to this list of "I wish someone had..." mostly because "We have a loving church," as it was noted. Personally, I have to absolutely agree with that statement. In my own spiritual winters, the church has been present and active to provide for my well-being. It is a magnificent blessing to be a part of such a loving and caring church family, so Amen to that! However, we did get some very valuable insights that I believe will help the body of Christ represented in our beloved New Bedford Church, be the arms, hands, feet and heart of Christ in an even deeper way.
The comments we received all revolve around one word: Remember.
Remember my beloved who is gone...allow me to remember them, and...remember me.
In our desire to help those hurting, sometimes we might try to have a posture of: "life goes on" or "it's time to move on," when we are in the presence of the one suffering the loss. However, as we experience loss, life does go on...but never in the same way. Life is forever altered, and "moving on" will never mean, going back to the way things used to be. That will never be the case. Maybe superficially, but we will always walk with holes in our hearts that will only be filled when we are reunited with our beloved departed once again in a heavenly reunion. In the meantime, it is important to remember the person that is no longer with us. Those needing comfort due to loss of a loved one want to keep them alive, if not physically, at least in our memories. There isn't anything quite more comforting than to hear stories about those who have gone before us, who we loved so dearly, out of the mouths of those around us. Those stories are like looking at photographs or watching a home video where we "see" them again...and that feels just like a comfy blanket in the middle of a harsh winter.
As part of remembering those left behind after a loss, some of the suggestions were very practical. For some, help with taking care of the daily chores could be an excellent way to offer comfort. Helping with the laundry and the cleaning are small things we can do to help in the process of healing. Bringing meals several weeks after the loss has occurred is a great idea too. "In death sometimes so much arrives in the beginning." [But] "it is nice 6-8 weeks down the road when someone still 'remembers' and the dinner is so very appreciated."
Another practical thing we can do is to invite the one in need of comfort to go out to have lunch or to do some kind of activity, even if just a walk at a nearby park. The ability to get out of the house and be among others, sharing a meal, breathing fresh air, listening to the hustle and bustle of life could be very comforting when the time is right for it. And it constitutes another way to create opportunities to remember. And of course, pray. Prayer is one of the most effective ways to extend comfort to others as we connect with the source of all comfort:
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18: 20
I open the blinds and smile!
There are blue skies and sunshine outside. It's a bit chilly still, but I can predict the sun will warm up my skin if I step outdoors. I know winter will come eventually, but I'm hanging on to summer for as long as I can. I'll get my flip flops and go for a walk, confident in the fact that the Lord will hold me closer when there's nothing but snow and gray skies out my window...and so will my church family, as we walk through our seasons together. In the Precious Name of Jesus. Amen!
