Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Scoop of Life


About 15 years ago or so, as I worked at the regional offices of Youngstown Area Goodwill Industries, I felt like I was at the lowest point of my professional life.  I remember how hard it was for me to experience any sense of satisfaction and contentment with my situation at the time. 

The Goodwill regional office is an 86,000 square foot complex that houses what they call “The Plant.”  That’s where they process the donations they receive.  It takes a small army to process each and every donated item that Goodwill receives each day.  And that is a good thing, because that means more jobs for the disabled and for those who have not been dealt a lucky hand in life.  That is the main purpose behind the organization.  Goodwill employs disabled individuals, persons who are trying to come out of welfare and have no skills, single mothers who have no other prospects of getting a job and many others who would find it very difficult to find gainful employment anywhere else.  They are the Goodwill recruits who work at “the Plant,” sorting, cleaning, packing, shipping and even fixing all donated items. 

Goodwill also is a contractor for cleaning services and small assembly jobs.  Again, these jobs are performed mainly by people with a wide array of disabilities who are able to feel productive and independent thanks to this organization. 

That’s where I worked when I felt at my lowest professionally.  Only a few years earlier I had been in charge of Marketing for ESSO Standard Oil in Panama, only to then find myself working part-time as a Marketing Assistant in the main office of the regional Goodwill Industries.  The reason all these memories come back to me today is because I just found something I wrote when I was at the end of my tenure at Goodwill.  It made me look back and recognize how blessed I really was to have landed that job so many years ago.  I titled it “A Scoop of Life.”  Pretty ingenious title, I think.  I’m glad I printed it back then, for I have no electronic record of it anywhere.  I believe I might’ve saved it in one of those floppy discs that nobody can access now, unless you still have a very old computer that still works.  At any rate, this is what I wrote, in case you’re curious:

It was not a particularly nice morning that day.   We don’t have many of those around here…It was unseasonably cool for that late in June.  I drove in the parking lot, found a spot, got out of the car, slammed the door and headed toward the building thinking how the rust on the car’s door was getting worse by the minute.

The usual parade of “hellos” and “good mornings” started as I approached the main door.  As usual, I wasn’t much in the mood to reply, but I did out of obligation.  I entered the reception area, punched the clock and went to the office I shared with my two bosses.  I was the first one to arrive.  Soon, though, I heard the sound of high hills out in the hallway announcing my two female superiors’ arrival. 

Shortly after my daily routine began, the CEO came into our office with bad news.  “Laverne died last night,” he said gravely.  Laverne had been a prominent member of the Goodwill Senior Volunteer Guild for the last thirty years.  The Guild was a group of seniors that performed several volunteer activities all year round, from sorting books to organizing employees’ Christmas Parties.  Unfortunately, the Guild had not been able to recruit new members, and it had decreased to a mere three people who did all the strenuous work. 

The atmosphere turned dark as we meditated on the future of the Senior Guild.  The phone rang and it was Betty, the current president of the Guild.  We talked about the sad news and also about the ice-cream social that the Guild had planned for the lunch break on that day for the employees.  As we discussed the alternatives, we decided to continue ahead with the plans.  Laverne would have liked it that way.

The morning continued with the same hectic pace as any other day.  Soon it was time to get the cafeteria ready for the frozen treats.  I pushed my chair back and got up with a sigh that revealed my lack of enthusiasm.  I really didn’t want to do this, but it was my job, so I left my desk and walked to the employee cafeteria to perform my duty.

As I walked back and forth looking for paper products and scoops, dragging tables, and pushing the darn cart with half a dozen of ice-cream tubs on it, my mind drifted away.  “How did I get to be this old?”  I asked myself.  “How come I’m not managing an entire department at some important corporation and making lots of money, or even some “decent” money, like some of my friends are?”  “Tomorrow is pay day, what a joke,” I thought.  With a sigh, I recalled that my bi-weekly check was always spent before it even made it into my account. 

Cheerful greetings from Betty, Jerry and Hilda pulled me out of my thoughts.   They were the only remaining active members of the Guild.  It was 11:45 and people began to come into the cafeteria to enjoy their lunch break.  Over 300 workers would show up in shifts of half an hour each, so we would be there until past 1pm.  I stood next to Hilda as she handed out spoons and napkins to those who approached the table.  My job was to make sure that Betty and Jerry had enough cones, cups, and, of course, ice-cream.  I mainly just stood out of the way.

The receptionist had made several announcements over the speakers about the ice-cream social so the workers’ faces lit up as they approached the table.  People on crutches, walkers, wheelchairs, walking canes slowly maneuvered their way to the ice-cream.  There were also many visually impaired persons who felt their way with their white canes. 

Jerry and Betty kept serving ice-cream with a smile and a funny remark to all who came by.  To their left was Hilda.  Everything was running smoothly.  Everyone was enjoying themselves.  The place became alive with laughter and conversation.  I took a few steps back and just stood there.  I looked at everyone’s movements.  Then I concentrated on their hands.  I saw how Hilda’s eighty-two-year-old hands carefully distributed spoons and napkins with a loving smile on her weathered face.  I saw Jerry’s fingers passing out the cups to the fingers that received them.  Some fingers were shy, some were assertive, some firm, many shaky, some well manicured with polished nails.  Others were curled up, unusable or even missing, but certainly, all very appreciative.  My eyes then went down to my own hands...they just hung from my long arms, able and full of fingers, but lacking a purpose.  “What have I done with such a great gift?” I asked myself.  The answer didn’t come.

Betty’s gentle laughter brought me back to the table and I realized that they soon would need more ice-cream. I hurried through the hallways pushing the cart among boxes and bins.  I thought about how life presents us with so many opportunities to look at things from a different perspective.  “Lord,” I prayed, “I’ve been so frustrated trying to get what I lack, that I have forgotten to thank you for the many blessings that I do have.” 

Back at the table, I continued watching from a distance.  I caught myself smiling at the funny, witty and above all,  appreciative comments my co-workers would say.  I saw how Jerry kept joking around with everyone.  I saw Richard handling his cone despite his crutches.  I saw Margaret expertly minding her way around the place with her white cane.  I saw Lona extending a dollar bill to pay for the treat.  She hadn’t realized the ice-cream was free because she was hearing impaired and could not hear the announcements, and I had forgotten to post signs around the Plant.  “Thank you very much,” she said to us with a broad smile as she got her cone.

I saw the most wonderful parade of smiles and compliments I’ve ever seen.  I saw my co-workers one by one; slowly move around the room enjoying their treat.  Some with severe and multiple disabilities, some with wounded self-esteems caused by generations of government assisted dependency, all savoring their scoop of vanilla joy.  “Thank you for doing this for us.”  “It’s been real nice of you to come and serve us ice-cream.”  “God bless you all.”  It didn’t matter how disabled their bodies were, or how much life had torn them apart, the light of their spirits shone on us through the brightness of their eyes.

After the last scoop was served, I cleaned up and said good bye to Jerry, Betty and Hilda.  We would probably see each other at Laverne’s funeral the next day, I thought.  I put the remaining supplies back on the cart to store them away and I pushed it out of the cafeteria wondering whether that had been the last Senior Guild-sponsored event. 

Back at my desk, I gulped my scant lunch and went back to my routine.  I sensed, however, that at that moment, perhaps something in me had begun to change. 

The day slipped away and soon I found myself saying goodbye to the guard at the main entrance.  I stepped outside and started to walk to the parking lot.  My car was the only one left.  Distracted by the gentle breeze, I missed the rust spots on the bottom of the door.  Instead, I noticed the beauty of the early summer afternoon.  For the first time I actually thanked God for having placed me there at that very moment.  I started my old car, rolled down the windows and drove off thinking how it had turned out to be a beautiful day after all. 

Every time you drop off a bag full of your unwanted items at one of the local Goodwill stations behind their stores, think about this story and how Goodwill changes lives on a daily basis.  It sure changed mine.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Goodbyes


“Someone is always saying goodbye,” a wise man once said.  It is true.  Saying goodbye is part of being alive.  Young and old, we all wave our hands, hug our loved ones tight, wipe a tear away, force a smile.

Sooner or later, we all have to say goodbye.  It is just part of life.

Usually a rather unpleasant moment, a moment that involves separation, farewells are hard and some try to avoid them with all they've got.  But as fate has it, sooner or later, we all have to say goodbye.

Some are expected.  There are some, however, that take us completely by surprise, unguarded, unprepared.  They hit us like a blow.  They take all the air out of our lungs.
Yet some others are just left unsaid.  Never spoken, unexplained, unbearable, they leave us broken.  They fill the heart with regrets.  They leave us wondering.

Goodbyes that never come bring up an unanswered set of “whys.”
Inevitably they leave us questioning a series of “what ifs,” dreadful scenarios that would never be resolved.  They leave us pondering a list of painful “would’ve” “should’ve” “could’ve” enough to create hypothesis that would never be put to the test.

The goodbye that is left unsaid pierces the heart of the one left behind.  The un-uttered words cause deep agony in the soul of the other.  But sometimes, it is just plainly impossible to say goodbye.

It is not by choice that the words are never spoken.  It is the result of an often tragic moment that denies the chance for parting words.  The circumstance makes it inevitable for the one to depart without being able to say goodbye.  

Hope remains, however, because, regardless of how it happens or not, there is always the comforting thought of that eternal reunion where all the wrongs are righted and where all the tears are wiped away.  That’ll be the day of no more goodbyes and no more crying.  It will be the time for cheerful greetings.  It will be the time to forget about farewells.  That glorious day will arrive so we can all finally exhale, give our soul respite and learn to smile again.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Hope in the Pit

I’m dwelling inside a pit of dissatisfaction today. I am too weak to climb out of it. Left to my own devices and strength, I choose to stay in there, at the bottom of it. This is the spiritual battle I am waging right now.

Some spiritual battles are impossible to fight at all. I’m in one right now. I can’t do anything. All I can do is wait until is over. It is one of those in which no matter what I try to do, nothing works. It is one of those in which I actually don’t want to do anything. It is one of those in which I want to be in the pit. It is one of those in which I actually choose to dwell in darkness. It is one of those in which I don’t want to lift a finger.

It sure seems hopeless; but is it? Of course it is not. There is always hope in the Lord.

I wonder if there is something I can do even when I don’t feel like doing anything at all. There is. I can release it to the Lord. I can wait in the Lord.  And I can believe that there is victory in Him, and that victory belongs to me as her adopted daughter. That victory will come to me for it has already been declared in the heavenly realm. That victory will become evident as the Lord fights this battle for me.

I realize that I go through these kinds of battles more often than I would like to so I wonder if there is some sort of spiritual “procedure” that the Holy Spirit can provide to those, whom like me, go through these struggles at times. As I type, my mind goes to the Bible, my compass. I decide to let the Bible guide me in my present visit to this current valley/pit in which I find myself today.

I search and I realize that there some steps to follow from a Biblical perspective. In my case, the first thing I need to do involves the process of recognizing. I have to recognize that spiritual warfare is real, as Paul warns us in Ephesians 6: 12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (NKJV) I have to recognize that it can happen to me; and I have to recognize the moment when I am in the middle of one. I also have to recognize that sometimes the battle pushes me down into the depths of the pit and makes me feel like I would drown, like David felt in Psalm 69: 2
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.


Like David, I also feel like God is nowhere to be found for…
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
(Psalm 69: 3)

As I recognize that I am engulfed by the waters in the bottom of the pit, I also realize that there is not much I can do for I am indeed weak and helpless on my own.  In that state, my eyes fail me and I can't see my Lord.

I recognize that not only I am weak, but I sometimes choose to dwell in that pit and mire. Left to my own device, I choose the pit. Not only I cannot fight, but I don’t want to fight. So, in that moment, when I realize the condition of my soul, I let go and I let God be God. I remember who He is, and I accept that sometimes I need to let Him fight the battles for there is no way I can do it myself. I recognize that “the battle is the Lord’s” (1 Samuel 17: 47) I recognize that “I shall not fear for the Lord my God will fight for me.” (Deuteronomy 3: 22)   I try not to fear for

though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Psalm 23: 4)

As this truth sinks in, the next step kicks in. I acknowledge that despite feeling like a failure, there is victory; but that such is only found in the Lord. He fights my battle and He is victorious, and so am I. In time, the sense of that victory will become evident in my life, but in the meantime, I wait in the knowledge of this truth: that God gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15: 57)

I wait. I allow the knowledge of His goodness and of His power sooth my depressed soul and I wait. When I’m too weak, too tired or too unwilling to fight, I sit still and let the Lord fight for me and I wait. I wait and I remember that His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

While I wait, I follow 1 Thessalonians 5: 17 and “pray without ceasing.” I “rely on the Lord” even while in the depth of the abyss.(Psalm 27:14) I trust His word when He assures me that He will lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire and that He will set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:2)

I know that victory has already been won because I belong to Him. I don’t trust my feelings, but I trust His word when he says that “whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” (1 John 5:4-5)

Victory is here. Even if my eyes are not ready to see it and my feelings betray me, I know it for He said so, and I trust Him. I believe His promises, and He is faithful. He promises that He will deliver me and draw me to Himself from every assault of evil. He will preserve and bring me safe unto His heavenly kingdom. (2 Timothy 4: 18)

He promises that “...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39 NKJV)

Victory is here, it just needs to be revealed. In His timing, He will let us see it, feel it, and experience it. In the meantime, I wait in Him, pray without ceasing and trust His promises for they are all true. I wait for darkness to dissipate and for morning to come.

He will bring me out of darkness and the deepest gloom and break away my chains. (Psalm 107: 14)

Therefore, today, as I choose to dwell in my own personal pit of dissatisfaction, I remain hopeful because I know that He will lead me to triumph!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Disney and the Quilt of Life

Today, in the midst of one of those profoundly difficult moments in my life, I think back at a couple of weeks ago to our wonderful trip to Disney World. The analogy between that world of fantasy and our real world could surely be astonishing.

Life is, indeed, comprised of moments filled with contrasting emotions, not much unlike the trip to Disney we just took. The powerful hand of God stitches together moments of all kinds, in a constantly changing sequence that comes together in the end to create the quilt of our lives.

This sequence, at times may seem rather choppy and uneven. One moment feels like the smooth and pleasantly sweet ride of Soaring at Epcot, and the next minute it resembles the unexpected and thrilling Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom. Some moments are boring like the educational boat ride that teaches you how to grow tomatoes hanging up-side-down…yawn… Some others are just down right scary like Dinosaurs or the Tower of Terror. Yet there are others which are a balanced combination of all of the above. They are a little bit scary mixed in with the right dose of thrill, excitement and smoothness to make it into an unforgettable ride, like the classic Space Mountain at Magic Kingdom. All in all, at the end, we gather together with our loved ones and just laugh at it all.

When it is all said and done, we chill around a beautiful and relaxing area and reminisce. We recall the adventure and remember the wonderful experience we just had. No tears, no fear, just perfect contentment.

When the moments are all put together, when the Lord has stitched the last moment on the quilt of our lives, we will find ourselves chilling, surrounded by the beauty of heaven in perfect joy for,

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelations 21: 4

This is my hope.

Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.         Isaiah 60: 20

Thanks to All My Friends

In the last few weeks Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 has truly become evident in my life: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Lately, a series of events have come up to interrupt the usual rhythmic flow of my life. Such interruptions have put me in a position where I must reach out to my friends for help. Needless to say, the response has been and continues to be overwhelming. Help comes in different ways to meet all my current needs from those who so willingly desire to extend their hand and serve. It has been shown to me that “a real friend sure sticks closer than a brother,” like Proverbs 18:24b says.

I take a few minutes today to praise and thank the Lord for the friends that He has given me along the way. I am moved by their loyalty and their desire to stick by me even in my unlovable moments.

The Lord provides for all our needs. He knows exactly what and who we need and He arranges it in a way that our needs are met at the right time.


Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. (NLT)

Friday, May 25, 2012

In the Light of the Super Moon

Early in May there was a big to-do about the so-called “Super Moon.” Perhaps you missed it; maybe you did get to see it. I didn’t know anything about it until the morning of the day it happened. I made sure, however, that I remember to take time to see it in the evening which, I thought, would make an already special day even extra- “super” special.

As it happened, that Saturday, May 5th was my son Grant’s birthday. He turned 10, which in itself is amazing to me. I just cannot believe that it has been 10 years since I received him into my arms as a - 22 inches, 8.14 oz -miracle. But life has a way to slip away very fast. The only thing left for us to do is to make sure we make good memories and imprint them into our hearts and minds in a way that they stay there forever. The fact that there was going to be a “super moon” that evening helped me shape a moment, a memory and perhaps even a meditation.

One of the presents we gave Grant and his brother too, was a full-size trampoline. They had been begging for one ever since their cousins Luke and Sarah got one last year. Dan finally gave in and got it a few days before Grant’s big day. It was a great joy to see the look of surprise in the boys faces once they figured out what was inside the huge box that their Dad had just brought in from its hiding place at Grandma’s house.

Right away we got to work on it and by that afternoon, it was up.

At sunset, as we were trying out the trampoline, I told the kids about the super moon. I highly doubt they heard a word I said. As the moon was not in full view yet, nobody seemed very excited about it. It got chilly, so I wrapped myself in a SpongeBob blanket and stood on the trampoline, trying to steady myself as the boys bounced around me. Finally, darkness came and the moon began to climb on the sky. In a matter of seconds we saw the light of the super moon surround us in a silver glow that made the darkness vanish. I turned to the boys, saw the look of awe in their little faces and realized the magnificent manifestation of God’s power in His creation had finally captured the attention of my distracted sons.

The light brightened up our backyard and bounced off the dark trampoline matt like a spotlight. I said a few things about how we are to be like the moon and reflect the light, the Divine Light we have in us. I reminded them how Jesus is the Light of the World and since He lives in us, we are His light and we need to let it shine. I said many things, which I’m sure they half-heard, until I finally decided to lay down on the trampoline to contemplate the super moon in silence. Dylan lay down next to me and later Grant did the same. We laid down in silence for a long while, basking in that glorious and miraculous gift from God.

A divinely appointed moment, a long-lasting memory, a time set aside for quiet meditation, it was all accomplished in the most simplest of ways, lying out on a trampoline, moon-bathing on a super moon in early May.

We have the Light in us. Therefore, we are called to be the light in this dark world.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5: 14-16

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Moments


“…we will all be changed – in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet.”  1 Corinthians 15: 51b-52a

Many have said that life is made out of moments.  I tend to agree with that sentiment.  Life is a collection of moments.  Some are better than others, but I believe, they are all divinely appointed. 

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote anything.  The last couple of months have been filled with consuming moments which have taken away the ability for me to spend time in meditation.  Some of those very moments, however, are the ones which are bringing me back to the keyboard again today.

Yesterday, for instance, was a day that evolved wrapped around moments that made me paused and breathe in the goodness of the God we serve.  Both of my sons had special ceremonies at school to celebrate their academic and spiritual growth accomplishments.  They both received recognition for their own individual characteristics which they demonstrated throughout the school year.  “My cup runneth over,” as I heard Grant’s 4th grade teacher give him an award “for being mellow and relaxed even during the craziest of times!”  I was also deeply touched when Dylan’s Kindergarten teacher visibly moved, announced at Kindergarten graduation, that Dylan’s spiritual characteristic is “contentment, because he is always happy with what he gets.”

Needless to say, I was very proud of my boys.  Evidently, all throughout the year, they have displayed spiritual characteristics that demonstrate the work of the Holy Spirit in their souls.  It is the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in them that directs their paths.  I always knew it, but these special recognitions have confirmed it:  I cannot boast for it is not by my own power that good things surround me, nothing good lives in my sinful nature, but thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7) 

Seeing my sons being recognized for godly characteristics that I lack was profoundly convicting to me.  On the other hand, it was also a joyful moment because the power of God was brightly and clearly displayed in front of my very eyes.  Even though my sons are exposed to a daily dose of lack of self-control, extreme overreaction, discontent and hysteria, God’s purpose and mighty hand direct their paths and lead them to quiet waters where they can find the ability to exhibit characteristics that they are not taught by their mother. 

As I sat at these events in Grant and Dylan’s school, I praised the Lord for the blessings and I praised Him for showing me that:

The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40)


I praised Him for I know that His promises are true, and that He who rebuked the winds and the waves is capable of working wonders in us if we only trust Him, believe Him and put our faith in Him, regardless of the situations or the surroundings.- He is faithful -.  Bless the Lord O my soul!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1: 17


Dylan and Grant outside their school after Kindergarten Gradutaion - The theme was Children of the King!