First Step: An Honest Look At Self

Well, by definition, the word “anxious” has a poor connotation. For example, the one you can find in the free online dictionary says: worried and tense because of possible misfortune, danger, etc.; uneasy. It is not a good thing for a person to be anxious. It is not a good thing for a Christian to be anxious. Christ Himself tells us not to be. Worry is the main element of anxiety and He tells us not to worry about anything (Matthew 6: 25-34). We are not to worry about our lives, what we are going to eat, drink, wear, nothing! He takes care of it all, look at the lilies and the birds; He says…we are worth more than them, so we will be OK…

But…I can’t help it…I still worry…I still get anxious.

I am an anxious woman by nature. Sometimes I wonder if anxiety and womanhood are genetically linked??? In my case, I know anxiety runs in my family history. “God made me this way,” is my cop-out phrase of choice. The question is, does He want me to remain this way? Or does He have a transformational plan in place for me and for His glory? I have to believe that He is arduously working on my make over program. I have to believe that I am in the middle of it, rather! He promised! He promised His peace, even when we couldn’t understand how or where it would come from, He said that His peace would be with us, and I choose to believe His Word.

I the midst of my anxious temperament, I hang on to Him and I trust that His Word is legit. I can’t beat myself up because of the way I feel, for I just can’t stop it. It is out of my power to change this aspect of my personality. But one thing that it is within my power is the choice to trust Him. He reaches out to me with His word and I must hold on to His Holy Arm with all I’ve got. He sustains me. His Grace is really sufficient. I seek Him, and He finds me, for He began seeking me first. That is the only reason I know to search for Him…that is the only reason I know to love Him…for He did it first.

I am an anxious and frazzled woman on a quest. I am on a journey. I am on the great adventure that is to seek His face and find His peace. All other things will be taken care of in His time and on the road to meeting Him. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6-7

This is a true command for us… even if sometimes we just can’t help it.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3: 17-18

Whom Do I Blog For?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters… Colossians 3: 23

What do I want as a Christian blogger?

I absolutely love blogging, but I’m always short on time and money to invest in it, so I have to prioritize. This is why, early on, I made the conscious decision to sacrifice aesthetics to concentrate on content. 

I put my energy in writing the best content possible because I know that content is king. If I want readers to come back to my blog and better yet, to follow me, I need to offer the most gripping, exciting, insightful, original, witty, and inspiring meditations I could possible come up with. I want them to tell their friends about my blog. I want my posts to go “viral.” I can’t deny that eventually, I would love to write a few books and have them published by a traditional publisher so I can collect hefty royalties. 

If you ask me…that’s what I would tell you if I am honest. However, if I am honest again, I would look back at my statement and see that there is something terribly wrong with it. Not that success should be frowned upon, not at all. It is just that there is something out of order with my ambitious dreams. I am misplacing something…or someone; rather…It seems as if I’ve shifted priorities at a deeper level as well. 

I am mistakenly putting myself at the center of what I do, when instead, I must put Him first! If I am honest, my motivation to write has always been fueled by my selfish and hidden fantasy to become a famous writer. I’ve dreamed about it since as long as I can remember. Now, with the advent of the Internet and blogging, my dream seams finally attainable, so I jumped on the blogging train with both feet as soon as I found out about it. I saw it as God’s gift to people like me whose desire is to be a writer but don’t know the ropes or have the connections. I praised Him for the opportunity, and I’ve been flying with it for a few years now. Sometimes, however, I wonder if I forgot to bring Him along with me on this ride.

I am probably being too hard on myself. I tend to do that. But I can’t help but feeling convicted when at times, I’m day-dreaming about the possibilities and all I see in the picture is me on the spotlight. 

I want to truly do this for Him! For He is my Redeemer, and He lives! Without Him I am nothing, and I want to honor Him with all I do. I want to be inspired to do it all as if for Him…all of it…for He is worthy…He is the Only One worth it. 

I need to remember that my identity is in Him. I am His Christian Blogger, and as such, I seek Him first in my writing. This blog belongs to Christ and I resolve to be content with whatever path He leads me through…even if it never leads me to the fulfillment of my vanities and fantasies. I resolve to be humbly honored to do what I’ve been called to do…I blog for Him!

…knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.  Colossians 3: 24

Linking with:  Whole Hearted Home and Little R and R

The Weapons of the Enemy

No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD. Isaiah 54: 17

I cling to this promise of the Lord of the Covenant. I hang on to it with all I’ve got for the weapons against me are many, indeed. The enemy has certainly forged an arsenal. And each one of them is linked to a button that he pushes at will in order to hit me at the precise moment. When I am most vulnerable, in comes the dagger that seeks to finish me.

Out of all the enemy’s weapons against me, fear is the most deadly. Fear in all its varieties…fear in all its faces…fear in all its stages. 

What to do about fear? How to combat it? How to eliminate it? We fight it! We remember that not only we have a shield to protect us, but we also have a sword to strike back! We draw our sword and we go to war against fear. We wave our sharp blade up in the air, the double edge sword that is The Word and we slash its head off. (Ephesians 6: 10-18)

*when fear of the unknown attacks, we counter it by remembering the many times Jesus’ disciples and most people in the Bible were also afraid, and how He was always there:

When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Matthew 14:26-27

*When the fear of losing control grips us with anxiety and what we planned or hoped for dissipates in front of our eyes, we remember that

…all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. Romans 8: 28

*When fear of failure paralyses us, we lift up our heads and remember that everything is possible with Him: 

 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16: 33

*When fear of being alone keeps us in the dark, we remember the Covenant and the promise of His presence: 

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

All in all, when fear gets a foothold on us, let us repeat over and over again, aloud if possible, that:

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

I trust that no weapon forged by the enemy with the single purpose of defeating me will have the power to destroy me, for I belong to Christ, and in Him, I am already victorious.

What weapons from the enemy to you struggle against?

To The Boys Who Call Me Mom

Today, I want to celebrate the two young boys who make me a Mom. Grant and Dylan came to us under very special circumstances, both as individual, precious gifts from God. After 8 long years, Our Heavenly Father granted us Grant through the miracle of science and later, Dylan, through the miracle of adoption. 

They are both amazing in their own way. They drive me crazy, they frustrate me, they test the limits of my patience, they push me, they worry me, they hurt me and they surprise me every day. They are also two of the most finely tuned instruments that God uses to teach me the best and most profound lessons as I walk through this valley of tears called life.

Like the time, after they had lost both of their Grandfathers the same year and under rather tragic and dramatic circumstances, I got the kid version of the book Heaven is for Real for them. The night before my husband and I left for Panama to attend my Father’s funeral, after Grant finished reading the book, he came into my room and gently presented it back to me saying: “I think you should read it. It will make you feel better.”

I was so moved by that gesture. I thought I had been successful in hiding the deep, deep sadness I was carrying around after the passing of my beloved Father…but Grant’s keen sensibility had perceived it. That’s who he is…

And the other day, just last week, really, as I was yelling at Dylan for not having brought his homework home and having forgotten important papers at school, he said: “but I got an A+ in Music!” He was so proud! Then I replied, “Music doesn’t matter! You need to learn how to read and write and do math well before anything else!” I was so frustrated!!! Then, he quietly said, “but, ‘without music life would be a mistake’” 

I mean…really…

What do you even say after that??? I didn’t say anything, I just laughed, picked him up, gave him a huge squeeze and many kisses. 

(Just to clarify, Dylan is not studying Nietzsche at 8 years old. He has just watched the movie “Here Comes the Boom” many times and that’s one of the underlying themes of the film.)

At any rate, that’s who Dylan is…

And for all that and much more, I will always Praise the Lord Most High. His gifts and blessings overwhelm me for I am so undeserving. All the more, I remain most incandescently thankful to Our Lord. That's why I celebrate my boys, headaches and all...it is the hardest job on Earth, but it is the most worthwhile. 

Happy Mother's Day!

As For Me and My Household, We Follow The Light!

When you have young sons in this day in age, you learn things that you never knew you needed to know. For example, did you know that there is a super hero (or villain, I can’t get them straight) called Ant Man whose super power is to become really tiny? Or, how about the one called Squirrel Girl who shoots out little rodents…don’t ask me…I don’t get it either…

Another thing you might become very familiar with when you have kids at home is the film industry. Whether you like it or not, it is rather hard to escape turning into quite the connoisseur of the kid-movie genre. Such is the case in my household. And even though there aren’t many which are worth talking about, sometimes we discover a rare jewel among the rubble. One that has won the heart of all in my family is called The Croods.

Briefly, The Croods is about the last surviving cave-men family. In the story, the Dad kept all the members of the family alive by forcing them to stay in a cave most of the time. It is truly funny, but there is also a deep message which captivated me from the first time I saw it (that’s right, I’ve seen that movie like 15+ times). The underlying theme is summarized when the Dad, after a series of ironically, funny tragedies, says to his rebellious teenage daughter: “what’s the point of all these, you asked? To follow the light!” He says this as his parting words when he sacrifices himself to, once again, save his family.

I love that scene.

That’s the scene where the father-daughter conflicting-clash of characters gets resolved. Dad finally gets his daughter, Eep’s nagging question: What’s the point of surviving or ‘not dying’ as she puts it, when we have to live in a dark cave?

As a Christian, of course I understand and side with Eep, the rebellious, sun-loving teen who is sick and tired of living in a cave…the problem is…that often times I recognize the fearful, untrusting Dad in me as well. I want to stay in the safety of my cave, even if it’s dark. I like feeling protected even if it means sacrificing freedom. I like the sense of control, even if it means rejecting the light.

That attitude leads me to living a life filled with fear and anxiety. At the least bit windy day, I shake and want to hide. At the sign of problems, I break. At the smallest hint of an issue, I shake and shudder. I want to protect my loved ones even to the point where they don’t get to experience anything, because I am too afraid of letting them do anything, may they get hurt.

I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a follower of the Light. No matter what the circumstance, I want to trust Him and His plans. I want the light of the Son to shine on my face so bright that I have to wear shades! I don’t want to be enslaved to fear anymore. He has overcome the world, and if I belong to Him, I can, too overcome it all. I want to be free, for it is for freedom that Christ has made me free! (Galatians 5: 1)

In the end, Grug, the Dad, got it, “No more caves, we follow the light!” he said…I want to get it too. And I want to be so in tuned to His voice that I can hear it all around me. I want to hear His message for me, even if it comes in shrink-wrap and it smells of microwave pop-corn.

The Day Love Was Born

Yesterday was my older son Grant’s birthday. And for a selfish person such as myself, that marks the day when God truly began to teach me about love.

For a person like me, thoroughly consumed by self, holding that tiny baby in my arms twelve years ago meant the realization that I really do not matter. Looking into his deep eyes I knew that someone had finally arrived into my life that made me think of myself less. 

Somewhere between gently rubbing his cute and chubby, baby cheeks and changing his first diaper I found out what they mean when they say love is sacrifice. Watching him roll over for the first time, begin to play, take his first steps, get his first knee scrape, learn how to ride a bike (Gosh, was that frustrating), show his first signs of stubbornness and his knack for arguing I am learning what commitment is all about. Listening to his first words, seeing him coming to me for a hug, hearing him call me Mom, I have experienced the warm and fuzzy side of love.

The Holy Spirit is showing me every day through my sons what He means when he inspired Paul to says:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

The day love was born in my heart, the Lord began to show me how to disappear so He can truly and fully reign in my life.

How Easy Is It to Forgive?

How easy is it to forgive abusive parents? How easy is it to forgive the mother that never showed you love? The father who abandoned you? The brother who turned his back on you? 

How easy is it to forgive the relatives who chose to forsake you? The friends who betrayed you? The one who broke your heart?

Forgiveness is a choice. It is, however, one nearly impossible to make on your own.

There are wounds too deep to heal. There are hurts too strong to overcome. There is pain too awful to endure. There are blows too evil to forgive.

From our human perspective and by our mortal strength, that is.

The supernatural power of the Most High, on the other hand, can, not only patch up the broken heart, but restore it. He can seal the cut and make us new. He is able to make the pain go away and transform us. He is the One who can help us forget. He is the One who can teach us how to forgive.

Even if the relationship is never restored. Even if the aggressor is never repentant. Even if the oppressor never knows it. Even if there is no evidence of punishment.  Forgiveness is the one step we must take in order to find peace. 

Forgiveness is ultimately an act of love, not the kind of love that fizzles, not the kind of love that evaporates in the heat of life’s struggles. Forgiveness is a reflection of the Love that we carry inside, the Love Divine, the Love that sacrifices, the Love that is willing to hang on a cross for us…undeserving us…

How do we do the impossible, then? We don’t do it alone. We do it by the power of the Holy Spirit who transfers His strength to us as we invoke Him and as we move toward obedience. We do it repeatedly, over and over again, until the sincerity of our hearts inspires Godly sorrow for the one who hurt us…not seven times, but seventy-seven times, forever, until the pain is washed away.

How easy is it to forgive? Not easy, but not impossible either, thanks to Him, through whom all things are possible.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19: 26

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.   Colossians 3:12-14