The Lord of All

Sometimes you have to tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to just sit down and shut up. TobyMac#SpeakLife

Well, I go this message on Facebook a while ago and I really liked it…it’s a bit irreverent, but SO right on! I tell you, that “negative committee” not only meets inside my head…it seems to reside in there permanently.

As I have shared multiple times before, I have a tendency to over-worry, to see the empty side of the glass and to fixate on the negative odds in every situation. I’m not proud of it and I pray the Lord helps me overcome these harmful tendencies. I know one day He will free me from all that bondage, because it is for freedom that He has set me free. As He guides me to freedom road, Christ is teaching me to pray for wisdom and discernment in order to pay attention to everything that happens to me. This way, I can see the message in it and try to extract the lesson in all circumstances…so I can move on rather than become stuck in the muck of negativity and fear.

Well…such has been the case lately in my life. As it happens, I applied for a promotion at work back in October. The odds were completely against me since one of my colleagues also applied and she is absolutely deserving of the promotion…way more than me… She applied for a different and higher rank than mine, but again, her portfolio is just so entirely astonishing that from where I stood, I didn’t have a chance. Actually, there were several times, while preparing the almost 15 pound-binders x 3 I had to turn in to the review committees (3 different committees, they each got a binder) I was tempted to give up and not bother with the application. There was one instance, at the very end when I actually got so upset that I told the chair of one of the committees that I was not going to apply. She yelled at me and told me to shape up…so I did, and I turned in the packets.

Anyway…the months went by and one day I overheard the Dean of our Department say to my extremely, super qualified colleague that her promotion was basically in the bag…I felt happy for her…but that was kind of confirmation that I didn’t have a chance. I had a feeling, though not confirmed by anything I had read or seen anywhere, that the committees would not approve two faculty members to be promoted in the same semester…so I kind of lost hope…

However, I kept praying. The Holy Spirit moved me to keep lifting up this promotion in prayer daily…and every time I prayed for it, all I said was something like: “Lord, I give you all the details of this promotion. I give it all to You. You are the One who decides, not the committees…You are the One who knows…” So every day, from October to May I prayed.

One day, I can’t remember when it was. I think it was toward the end of April, I came in to work and I saw my colleague, the one with the extra heavy promotion binders, crying in the doorway of our Department’s Office… “I’m not getting the promotion,” she said. I was dumbfounded! “What happened?” I asked quietly. “A technicality, a form with the wrong heading … one piece of paper, and they won’t even let me change it…” I felt so bad for her…I did! “You have to appeal! It’s not fair!” I commented, totally irritated by the ridiculousness of the whole thing. But no matter what she did, the committees did not allow the change and she was irrevocably disqualified to apply for promotion this year. She would have to turn in the three binders next year again.

A few weeks went by. I got busy with the end-of-the-semester preparations, so I stopped thinking about the promotion. The first week of May went by. We celebrated Grant’s fourteen birthday and then boom! There was a crack on the floor. Dan lost his job…

Although it was not completely surprising, it was utterly shocking. We began to make cuts to our budget as I wrapped up the semester and praised God for the summer class I would teach since that represented extra money. I also praised God for the way Dan manages our finances, which allows us to be debt free. I also praised God for the fact that Dan was finally free from a job that was toxic for him. I also praised God for the fact that losing this job has opened a door to a new adventure which may allow Dan to pursue what I’ve always believed is his true calling: teaching. But I can’t deny I also panicked.

A couple of weeks later we found out that unemployment benefits were denied. I was counting on that…

I kept praying for God to open and close all the necessary doors for Dan to find the path that will lead him to His will. The phone has remained silent. No job interviews… only a bunch of doors closing up on the one side, while on the other, the door to a graduate program seems to open wider and wider every day. I praise God for what appears to be a straight path. However, I can’t deny I’m still very nervous about finances. In the meantime, the sale of a piece of land I inherited from my Dad became final, providing the necessary funds for Dan to be able to go back to school without having to get into debt. Praise the Lord! But I can’t deny, I still fear.

The semester is over. I turned in my grades and shifted gears to get ready for the summer class I’m teaching. One afternoon I got home as Dan was sorting through the mail. In the pile there was a letter from the university. As usual, I immediately panicked. I grabbed the envelop in my hands and returned it to Dan unopened, thinking: I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is, it can’t be good. Dan opened it and began to read it. The letter was WAY too short, not a good sign:

“I have reviewed the information regarding your request for promotion and have received the recommendations of the appropriate persons. As the President’s designee, I am pleased to inform you that I have approved your promotion in rank from Assistant Professor to Associate professor effective at the beginning of the next academic year.

I offer my personal congratulations.”

We have just found out that according to the bylaws, only one faculty member per department can be promoted in any given year.

As the Lord of all committees in the world has spoken…the negative committee that lives in my head finally sits down in silence.

The Journey Out of Spiritual Puberty – Principle 2

My two year old, Dylan does not like to accept recommendations really well. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t like to listen really well at all. He mostly just wants to do what he wants when he wants to and he resents it when someone gets in his way. It is no wonder then that he finds himself at odds with authority (us) quite often. The thing is that I do not like it when people under my authority (Dylan) don’t listen to what I say. Therefore, Dylan and I clash a lot…to say the least. It is more like a constant match between two unruly, out-of-control, hot-headed adolescents, never mind the fact that neither of us is actually an adolescent.

At least, Dylan has an excuse: he is 10-years-old. My excuse? I’ve got none.

When I look at the second principle Paul directs us to in our quest for Spiritual maturity as presented in Ephesians chapter 4…I feel utterly ashamed:

2. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (v.2)

This is a command. And I am not following it. Completely humble AND gentle? I am neither. Patient…other than at a doctor’s office or a hospital, I’ve never really been called that. And of course, as a consequence of lacking the first set of requirements, I don’t do the “bearing” thing in love very well either…or perhaps it is because of my inability of lovingly bearing things that I don’t do the first few either? I don’t know…the thing is, how…

How to be humble, gentle, PATIENT and loving?

Have you ever tried on your own? If I could figure out a formula to be any of these I would write the most successful self-help book ever and become instantly rich! But I can’t, because I don’t know how? I don’t know it is humanly possible to become any of these things on our own.

We live in a fallen world and our will is corrupted by that same fallenness. If we could “be good” by our own efforts…why would we need a Savior?

It is His work in us. It is His plowing and watering and nurturing the arid soil of our soul what will grow His fruits in our lives. Our job is to recognize that it is not of our doing. That, I believe, is the secret of humility: to know, beyond a doubt that it is solely by His hand, by His word, by His blood, by His forgiveness, by His presence and by His LOVE for me, for my mind, body and spirit that I can be worthy of being called His own. My act of humility is to search for Him in everything that happens to me and recognize that I am “God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2: 10)

I was created by Him, redeemed by Him and prepared by Him to do His work that He has assigned for me…so I cannot boast.

That’s all I need to know and accept today. There will be a day when the rest will be revealed and I will understand the reasons for the struggles I had to endure while in this life. And this goes for me as well as for my son, some day we will both grow up and figure it out. Meanwhile, like the song by Hawk Nelson, Diamonds says: “He is making diamonds out of dust. He is making diamonds out of us.”

Spiritual Puberty: The Know-It-All

If there is one indication that someone is going through puberty is the fact that he/she firmly believes that he/she is infallible. In other words, puberty people think they know it all.

Well, such is the case with my 14-year old son Grant. Beyond the slightest shadow of a doubt, he knows, with positive certainty that he is always right. This is why “discussions” between us could only take two shapes:

1. They could look like play-date banter with very short exchanges of a maximum of three sentences, wrapping up with me rolling my eyes as I sigh a complacent “you are right…”

or

2. They could look like a battlefield with endless exchanges of countless sentences, wrapping up with both of us walking into our rooms with the respective slamming of doors.

Scenario 1 happens when I am not in the mood for a LONG diatribe in which I inevitably become upset/angry, so I concede.

Scenario 2 happens when I believe it is important that he realizes that he is wrong, and I am right! Towards the end of this scenario he would say something like: “You just don’t love me!” I follow that with a desperate attempt to prove him wrong and explain: “I just want you to understand that I’m disagreeing with you not because I don’t love you or don’t want you to be happy. On the contrary, my goal here is to help you see the truth. And the reason I want you to see and understand and accept the truth is precisely because I DO love you. I love you more than I love myself!” …which, of course, he doesn’t believe, and makes him insist causing a mad spin that eventually ends with the slamming of doors.

Sigh…

This constitutes the first sign of immaturity characterized by puberty: the inability or reluctance to recognize/understand/accept the fact that we are under the control of a higher authority.

Obviously, I’m not just talking about Grant here. As you can see, immaturity runs in the family and in our case, it may or may not have anything to do with puberty.

Fear, rebellion, inflexibility, inability to adapt, insistence on one’s own way, rigidity of thought, resistance to accept the need to let go all stem from rejecting the truth that God is Sovereign. We all want a Savior, but a few of us like a Lord. I believe that’s why Paul tells us in his letter to the Ephesians, chapter 4 what I see as the first principle to keep in mind when striving to walk toward spiritual maturity:

1. Remember that The Lord is Sovereign and we belong to Him. (v.1) Remember that there is: one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (v. 6)

It’s that simple. If I could just internalize this truth…I would never be afraid again. I would never doubt again. I would never be anxious again. He loves me. I belong to Him. And not only does He love me, but He did go through great lengths to prove it as He became flesh and died for me. The disagreements between my plan and His will are not meant for me to be miserable. They are meant for me to grow up. Just like I could not allow Grant to go through life immersed in the arrogant believe that he is always right and that he knows it all, God cannot let me fall into that same trap either.

It is impossible for us to know all that there is to know and control all that there is to control in this life…if it were possible…what kind of a God He would be?

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 

Romans 11: 33

It is true. My 14-year-old and I have a long way to walk still ‘till we grow up. However, I am determined to intentionally surrender to Him as I pray that He turns our hearts of stone into malleable clay to be molded by His loving hands.

Spiritual Puberty

I have a teenager at home. Wow…I can’t believe I just said that… but at 14 years old, Grant is just that, a teen. And even though he is the sweetest, SWEETEST guy ever…he has his moments on which he act his age. What can I say? He can’t help it…and I must remember that. Eventually, this too shall pass.

The thing is that he is not the only one in my house who acts like a teen. Actually, more often than Grant, I am the one behaving like I’m going through puberty.

Of course I’m not talking about physical puberty, but spiritual. I show my lack of maturity on the subject of the Spirit when I lose it and give free rein to my emotions, mostly anger, fear and worry.

Unlike physical maturity, which just happens without much we can do either to hurry it along or stop it all together, spiritual maturity doesn’t come automatically. Its growth depends directly on the effort we put into cultivating it. Its development depends on how intentional we are about nurturing it.

For instance, if we go adrift, semi-unconsciously riding the cultural current of today’s world, our spiritual maturity would be thwarted. The pattern of this world is not the most conducive to the growth of the soul; hence, the need NOT to conform to it. (Romans 12: 2) On the contrary, we are called to “put off our old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of our minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4: 22-24) This way we would be able to stop living on the “futility of the thinking” of our former ways.

Who do we achieve such state?

Paul gives us an outline to strive to in Ephesians chapter 4. The following list is a compilation of the principles that he instructs us to follow:

1. Remember that The Lord is Sovereign and we belong to Him. (v.1) Remember that there is: one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (v. 6)

2. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (v.2)

3. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (v.3) Remember we are one: There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism. (v. 4-5)

4. Put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. (v. 25)

5. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (v. 26-27)

6. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. (v. 28)

7. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (v. 29)

8. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 

(v. 30)

9. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 

(v. 31)

10. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (v. 32)

Of course this is not to be taken as a legalistic list of do’s and don’ts. No one can actually achieve the level of holiness the Lord demands of us without the Holy Spirit directing our path and infusing us with His presence, wisdom and strength. Alone, we fail. But His unfailing Grace delivers us over and over and over again.

In an effort to be intentional on my focus on Spiritual Maturity, I think I will try to explore each of these 10 principles Paul offers us to help us “live a life worthy of the calling we have received.” I’m not sure what this journey is going to look like, but I do hope you join me so we can discover, together, how to finally say “good bye” to puberty and begin to grow up in Christ. After all, I don’t think there’s much room for more than one teenager at a time in our house!

The Hundred Acre Woods Called Life

Well, I’ve never been an optimist…yes, I’m ashamed to admit it, but it is the truth. I’ve always been that girl who focuses on the empty part of the glass…more of a hard-boiled-egg than a sunny-side-up.

I have a hard time keeping a positive attitude in life. I can’t help to pay too much attention to the unfavorable odds that often seem to stack against me. Left to my own nature, I’d be a real-life Eeyore.

Right now, as our family faces a bump on the road, I feel the weight of the situation begin to crush my spirit. I’m trying not to fall into the trap of despair and worry, but my default negativism is threatening to push me in.

The thing is that on top of being a major Eeyore, all gloomy and down, I am also short-tempered, cranky and a bit of a control-freak…now that I think about it, kind of like Rabbit. I like things to go the way I planned them and I don’t really like surprises.

Hmmm…

What I keep forgetting is that in this Hundred Acre Woods called life, being a rigid pessimist is not going to lead me to a sunset of joy, but to a midnight of darkness. I need to remember that if I believe God is Sovereign, I must believe He is Sovereign over ALL…not just over certain things. He is Lord over the empty side of the glass. He is Lord over the hard-boiled eggs. He is Lord over the unfavorable odds. He is Lord over the Eeyores and the Rabbits. He is Lord over the entire Hundred Acre Woods and beyond.

Today, I pray that God allows me to become flexible so I can adapt to the His plans. I pray that the Holy Spirit helps me/us understand that even though from this side of eternity God’s plan might seem like a scary adventure, in reality, He is in control of it all, and it all works out in the end. I pray that me/us see that even though the odds might seem to be stacked against me/us, I/we don’t need to fear the odds because God is Lord over them. And I pray that His presence surrounds us so we feel the victory instead of the fear as we travel through this valley of tears.

How do We Overcome Trials?

How do we overcome trials? How do we get over disappointment? How do we move on when the road gets rough? How do we recover from the sting of the many doors constantly shutting on your faces? How do we walk courageously when we are paralyzed by fear? How do we live when we feel unloved?

I don’t know…

I don’t have a clue how to do anything apart from the Lord.

It sounds easy and simplistic…the single answer and solution to all of our problems rests on faith. Sure…

Perhaps you are tired of hearing that. Perhaps you are even a bit ashamed because you sense that this formulaic statement just doesn’t work for you. Your current situation, your current spiritual and emotional state are so overpowering and crushing that you barely have enough heart to breathe and survive. Therefore, the very thought of mustering strength to intensely focusing on an abstract concept that is so hard to grasp is just out of your realm of possibilities.

Well-intentioned comments from those around you encouraging you to “keep the faith” seem plainly meaningless or at best too trite to bring any comfort. How can keeping the faith help me in this present agony? The Bible stories appear too far away and detached … too unreal and irrelevant to actually matter or make a difference in my life today. The added guilt I experience because of the way I feel only makes things worse by increasing the weight of my already heavy burden that now truly becomes impossible to bear.

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”

The words come to my mind…where have I heard them before? Who said this? I can’t remember, but for sure it was someone who knows real pain.

“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”

Who sweats blood? What kind of anguish makes someone’s pores bleed?

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me…”

Please, I can’t take it anymore! Take away this cup…this bitter, harmful, lethal cup away from me so I can live!

Yes…it was Him…it was Jesus who said all these. He experienced it too. Jesus was also there. He was on that place where all the weight of the world (literally in His case) falls on one’s shoulders, making your knees bend out of shear pressure and your face fall flat on the ground out of pure agony. He’s been thee too. He knows what it feels like.

“Yeah, but He was Jesus, you know? He is God. Of course He can handle it all?” You are tempted to say and do think in the depths of your mind, that what Jesus experienced in the Garden moments before He was taken to be tortured and kill doesn’t have any implications to your current condition.

Think about how He knew exactly what was going to happen to Him. Imagine the added stress and fear of knowing that His flesh is about to be ripped and torn, literally, and that nails will pierce Him as He slowly dies a most horrible death by slow asphyxiation. Don’t forget that even though He is fully God, He is also fully man. (For a few Bible verse evidence see Isaiah 9, John 1, Colossians 2) And as a man, He felt sorrowful and troubled. (Matthew 26)

Yes, He is God. And yet, He still had to go through it! Even though He is God He couldn’t escape the hour of anguish. Better yet, He chose it. Jesus agreed to it,

Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

by taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

by becoming obedient to death—

even death on a cross! (Philippians 2: 6-8)

He could have spared Himself the agony. But He was committed to the love He has for us:

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep… No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again…” (John 10: 14, 18)

He chose the pain as a sacrifice to redeem us because He knew that was the only way for us to be saved.

How do we ever expect to go through life without experiencing a measure of such pain when Our Own Creator, Savior and Sustainer chose the nails for Himself? Not even Jesus escaped the trials of this life. As a man He didn’t want to have to go through it. As a person He sought refuge in prayer. As a human He bent His Holy knees on this unholy ground and cried out to the Father for help, for strength and for resolve. Not even Jesus could face His hour of great sorrow, trouble and agony without seeking God’s face first.

How do we overcome trials? How do we get over disappointment? How do we move on when the road gets rough? How do we recover from the sting of the many doors constantly shutting on your faces? How do we walk courageously when we are paralyzed by fear? How do we live when we feel unloved?

I don’t know. I haven’t a clue how to do it without Christ. I don’t have what it takes. I’m not nearly strong enough. I’m too selfish. I seek comfort at all cost. All I know is that I’m glad I’m not in charge of perfectly arranging each and every tiny detail of my life in order for it to end in Paradise.

I read in my devotional today this prayer that I’d like to use to conclude our conversation today. I hope it brings you peace:

“One day I will have all the answers. But until then, I must trust that You have power and dominion over all things and that You know best. Help me to believe this even when I don’t feel it.”

Linking with:  Wholeheartedhome.com and Rosilindjukic.com

The Sting of a Closing Door

While still on the subject of doors, let me just say that no matter how much you have prayed for God to close a door if you are not meant to walk through it…once He closes it, it is still possible to feel the sting of pain when it shuts on your face.

It just happened to us today, and I can´t help but feel the impact of the abrupt stop caused by the sudden closing of the door...a door that just an instant earlier seemed completely wide open…and now stands tightly shut in front of us…

The funny thing is that just last night, as I enjoyed the comfortable sensation of the feeling of safety the open door offered me, I prayed that God would close that door if that wasn´t His will for us. I knew that had the door remained opened, we had walked through it seeking the stability of the road less complicated. However, I had a feeling that was not the road destined for us at this time…therefore, I lifted the prayer in obedience…for the road is not my own.

At any rate, my point is that I´m glad God closed that door…and I see how the way He did it was the best and most loving, but again, it wasn´t easy to take it. However, I´ve gained renewed confidence on the fact that He is guiding our every step. And I know that even though it will not be the easiest or most comfortable way, He will provide for us as He continues to lead us into His path. The Holy Spirit is growing His fruits in us. The tests are developing perseverance. And as we enter His path, He will grant us discernment to move on and make choices based on the design He has created for our lives.