Clocks

I have clocks all around the house. I have big clocks, medium clocks, and little clocks. I guess it’s safe to say that I´m pretty obsessed with time. It stresses me out a lot, mainly because I constantly worry about running out of it. Therefore, since I don´t like the thought of running out of time, I “multitask”. I don´t like rushing against the clock so I seek efficiency. But efficiency doesn’t always yield the expected results in my life. For instance, I don´t like feeling rushed, so I rush around to begin getting ready for a task-event-thing way ahead of time so I don´t have to rush to get it done, but then I run into the previous task-event-thing so everything collides together and I stress out because I´m running out of time and I feel rushed…

It´s exhausting…

My quiet time with the Lord has always suffered because of this time-conscious mentality. Therefore, the time I set aside for prayer is always surrounded by other things. I confess: I multitask my prayer time…yes…

Today´s devotional reading could not have been more spot-on for my circumstance. It said that I need to “wait patiently with Him while He blesses me.” What a wonderful thought! It continued, “don´t rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. I dwell in timelessness…Though you are a time-bound creature, seek to meet Me in timelessness…”

Now, here´s the trick: how do I do that?

As I am going through a period of waiting in my life when I am forced to realize that the things I’m waiting for are totally out of my hands, I wrestle against despair, anguish and anxiety. I look at the many clocks hanging all over my house and I hear the ticking away of time as if a bomb that is about to explode. I wish away days hoping for answers. I lose my temper because my hands are idle when I think they should be hard at work in trying to fix what is broken…thoughts rush through my mind as I try to figure out what to do when there is nothing I could do…except accept that it I’ve done all I can and now I just need to wait.

Then, a thought comes back to me…a familiar whisper that I’ve heard before but ignored: wait in the Lord. Use this time of waiting to go to Christ and remember that He is the Lord of all, even of time. Use this time to recall what He has said in His Word:

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Revelation 1: 8

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 

2 Peter 3:8

“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3: 11

And that would be the blessing…intimacy with Christ while I wait.

I don’t want the clock to enslave me. I want to dwell in God’s timelessness and be renewed by the thoughts of eternity. I want to accept the fact that I do not own time and that the plan belongs to the Lord. I want to be able to say:

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord,

I wait for God my Savior;

my God will hear me. Micah 7: 7

In His time…

As the Heavens Speak...

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;

no sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19: 1-4

My devotional reading this morning directed me to this portion of Psalm 19 and it made me think of an experience I had few nights ago. It was nothing big, really…but oftentimes God speaks loud messages in a soft voice.

That night I was stressed out…not an uncommon state of being for me…I’m sorry to say…and the boys were watching a movie downstairs which I really don’t care about, so I decided it was time for me to go to my room to chill. It was shortly past nine in the evening when I went upstairs and I realized there was still light coming in the windows from outside so I didn’t turn on the lamp in my bedroom. I sat by one of my windows and I looked out…at that moment, the sight outside my window immediately transported me back over twenty years ago to a summer I spent in Clarion as a was attending the university there.

The details of that summer are very fuzzy in my mind now, but what is permanently engraved in my mind is the view I had from the room I lived in at that time. It was a room on the top floor of an all-girls dorm and it had a gorgeous view of the western mountains. That was back when I had just begun to experience the joy of the long days of summer. In Panama, regardless of the month of the year, nighttime comes down quickly and hard on us like a heavy blanket at around 6:45 so by 7pm it is pitch dark outside. So, to me, having sunlight at 9pm was and still is a marvelous perk of this neck of the woods.

The thing was that from that solitary room I discovered the beauty of sunsets. Not only the beauty of spectacular sunsets with an explosion of color…but mostly of quiet dusks in which you can distinguish a pale orange glow along the line of the horizon with shades of blue that go from light to really dark as you ascend into the eastern skies. I remember sitting by the window alone, just witnessing such a marvelous sight wishing to burn it in my retina and imprint it on the walls of my memories so the image would never fade away…for I knew someday I’d be gone from Western PA never to see such miracle again.

As life would have it, I did return to this side of the world and I have thoroughly enjoyed many spectacular sunsets…but I rarely have had time to contemplate the quiet ones…the business of life gets on the way and it is hard to spare the time that takes to sit by a window and watch the last lights of the sun shutting down as the day turns into night…

That’s why that evening was so special. While my boys were still busy watching a movie downstairs I was able to just sit…be still…and allow God to speak to me in the quiet declaration of His glory by the Heavens He has created. And for that I am most grateful. At a moment of intense stress God gave me the gift of stillness so I could once again witness the speech that the skies put forth without words just for me to hear in my heart.



That night I remembered the crucial need that I have to seek Him first and to let go of all the worries of the world because He is on His throne and He is taking care of me and my loved ones…if I only had the eyes to see it and the heart to believe it.

Father's Day

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. — Romans 8:15-16

Today is Father´s Day…a day to rejoice and celebrate heroes. That is precisely what Dads are: heroes. In this society where about half of children grow up without a father…men who purposely resolve to BE a Daddy, a Dad, a Father should be commended, supported and encouraged profusely. And I congratulate them and pray that the Holy Spirit will guide them every step of the way. I pray they will become mentors to other men. I pray they will become intentional about following the Way, the Truth and the Life. I pray they can share their testimony to strengthen others who walk alongside their road. I pray there would be more.

I also pray that all children would honor their Fathers as we have been commanded (of course Mothers too, but today I would like to focus on Fathers, right?). It is not easy, but it is necessary. I pray that children who have their Dads with them would delight on his presence for they have received a valuable gift…priceless…unique.

Today I especially pray for the countless children of all ages who do not have their earthly fathers’ presence. The void that a father leaves when he is not there is like no other. There are different ways to lose a father, but his absence feels all the same. Although he wasn’t perfect, I did grow up with the greatest of Fathers, so my sense of loss doesn’t come from abandonment, but from his departure from this world. However, not having my Dad here on earth anymore makes me feel like an orphan.

I remember vividly when I got the call 4 years ago that he was gone. It was as if all of the sudden the floor had been removed from underneath my feet and I was in a perpetual fall into this bottomless pit of darkness and loneliness. Now, looking back, I realize that’s exactly how people who have been abandoned by their fathers feel all along. Every day, since the day their fathers leave them behind the falling begins.  The vertigo never truly ends and the balance is never truly recovered until that father comes back into their lives. The tragic thing is that many never do.

How does one ever regain the stability stolen from a child whose father walked away from him or her?

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 

 Psalm 27: 10

I know it may sound simplistic, but it is the only way. God the Father is the Only One who can fill any voids in our hearts, even the one left by an earthly father who has forsaken us. Once we surrender to Him and accept the fact that our needs, longings and deepest desires can only be fully met by Him we will begin to see the silhouette of the promised river of peace in the horizon. Once we resolve to follow Him and believe His Word, we will be able to jump in that river and give our hearts a rest.

We are NOT orphans! Our Abba, Our true Daddy loves us since before He created the world. No one can take that away from us. And though the road is hard and the feeling of abandonment is impossible to bear, we are not alone. Our Heavenly Father gives us His presence and the presence of those whom he places around us in order to give us a hand and help us carry the burden.

I pray that today all the fatherless will find hope and leave behind the despair because,

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Therefore, let us:

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14

The counter-productive inner-bickering within the body in the post-Christian era.

Some have stated that we live in a post-Christian era in the United States. Others say that Christians are rapidly becoming a minority in this country. The way we see Christian values being undermined in every aspect of our pop culture leads me to believe that those observations are correct. This reality causes great anxiety within the body of Christ. We find it hard not to become discouraged as we try to live out our faith. We sense a big battle approaching, but we can’t help to feel defeated before we have even begun the fight.

I’m not equating the situation in the United States with what the persecuted church goes through in places where being a Christian is a death sentence. But I think that the shifting winds and the cloud formations on the horizon announce that there is a great storm coming to these shores. And as a church we need to realize that the best way to weather it is to stand together, in the unity of one body.

Paul told us in Ephesians chapter 4 that one of the steps toward spiritual maturity is to maintain the unity within the church:

3. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (v.3) Remember we are one: There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism. (v. 4-5)

The spiritually mature church and individual know that the focus should be on the similarities between the different parts that compose the body, not on the differences. We realize how the diversity brings about richness as the core truth binds us together under the roof of Grace and the blanket of Love, which covers a multitude of sins. (1Peter 4: 8)

It is difficult enough to have the rest of society trying to tear us apart. Let’s not empower those who hate us and want to destroy us by helping them destroy us from within.

I know it’s hard to get along. Trust me, I know! I’m not the most forgiving person you would ever meet. I’m very selfish. My ability to extend grace to others ends right before it involves me having to give up an inch of my own rights or an item of my full agenda. The good news is that it is not my grace what sustains me. It is God’s Grace! Our job is to surrender to Him and to pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us and teach us how to be one body, united through the bond of peace among us in love.

So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12: 5

As we surrender to Him, I believe our ability to be humble and merciful increases. I believe also that there is a reason one of the steps to Spiritual maturity found in Ephesians 4 calls us to: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (v.2) We need these qualities in order to remain together. Anyone who has ever had to share their life with another knows how hard it is when you throw a couple of people (or more) under one roof for an extended period of time: chaos! It happens at work, at home, at school, at playgrounds, at grocery stores…even in the highway (which means that they don’t even have to be under a roof).

The only way to stop the inevitable bickering, inner fighting and power struggles that occur among those who have to co-exist in close proximity is by realizing that it is not a big deal. What I mean is: we are not all that important! If you think about it, the reason we are not humble is deeply rooted in a sub-conscious and sometimes not so sub-conscious idea that we are important. I know…I’m speaking from experience here. The only reason I get offended when someone says something careless is because I take myself too seriously. The only reason I get angry when someone doesn’t do or act the way I want them to is because I think I’m in control. The only reason I think I’m in control is because I think I know better. The only reason I think I know better is because I think I’m smarter than everyone else around me. And because I think all that, I think I’m so very important. Hence, I’m not completely humble. Without a well-developed sense of humility, I cannot be gentle…and forget about patient!

The main reason I am not patient is because I think I’m first…which stems from my lack of humility…which reveals the source of my problem: pride.

It’s a big cycle of sin with pride/self at the head.

The only way to break this cycle of sin is to place Christ as the Head!

It’s a long process, but the only one that will help us achieve unity…the process of toppling all other gods and accepting that Jesus is the Head of the Body…the One and Only Lord. As we allow Him to ascend to His righteous place, the differences would begin to fade away and the church will finally present a united front, dressed in the Armor of God, ready to fight the strange battle that’s ahead.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6: 12

Therefore, let’s not give the enemy fresh ammunition to continue his efforts to try to destroy us. Let’s resist the temptation to publicly degrade, insult, harshly criticize or put down the body. Let’s not allow our disagreements to irrevocably split us apart. Instead, let’s stand together behind the shield of Faith, guided by the Head of our Army: Jesus our Lord!

When the Roll is Called Up Yonder

In this era of tragedy upon tragedy, violence upon violence, aggression upon aggression, in which the days that surround us are delivered to us covered in blood, fear, anger, injustice and all the depressing conditions that bring desolation, what is there for us to hang on to?

The One and Only…just like all throughout the ages…the Only Rock…just like at every disturbing moment in the history of the world…the One True and Mighty Fortress: Our Almighty God – El Shaddai. He is the Only One who can sustain us and give us the endurance to withhold the tempests of the times. Regardless of how much the world shakes and quakes, He is the Only One who does not move.

I’m afraid of what these days of desolation may bring…but I know that My Redeemer Lives! He still sits on the Throne. He is still in control. And even though the plans for the coming days may be scary from our human perspective…even though kingdoms may fall and nations may go in uproar…even though the earth may give way and the mountains may tumble into the sea…even though the waters may roar and the oceans may rise threatening to drown us…The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. I cling to Him unashamed.

My hope for surviving the times resides in the One who is Hope Himself. No matter how much the enemy tries to crush us…there will always be a remnant. May we be counted among its roll.

Time and Money

Last Sunday at our home church, our Pastor talked about the crucial subject of the Lordship of Christ in our lives. Of course He is Our Lord. Of course He is MY Lord. I proclaim it day in and day out. I say it. I believe it. However, do my actions reveal it? Does the way I lead my life show that Jesus is Lord?

Pastor Doug told us one way we can detect the level of our commitment to the Lordship of Christ in our lives is to take a look at our checking account disbursements and at our calendar.

The way we allocate money and time are good indicators of who really is Lord over us.

WOW! That was convicting!

I have not dared looking into either of those yet…but I can tell that the stuff in both of those documents won’t scream Jesus is Lord…I am very jealous of my time. I spend too much of it doing the things I want. I don’t like interruptions. I don’t like changes in my plans. I make excuses. I hide. I hoard my time. And my money…well…let’s just say I’m pretty tight with it too. I’m just so attached to the things of this world I’m afraid Jesus is not comfortably sitting on His throne within my heart and my soul.

But rather than guilt, I choose trust. I choose not to be pierced by the arrows of the enemy who wants to extinguish the flame of victory that Jesus has lit in my life. I choose to trust His love, mercy and guiding hand which leads me back to His side when I´ve wandered off.  I choose to believe that He will help me be more intentional about making Him Lord over my time, money, loved ones, life.  I choose to believe in His Grace and I choose to rejoice in the truth that GRACE covers a multitude of sins. It is by what He did and continues to do that I am forgiven. Not by what I do (Praised be His Name!) And although sometimes I feel like the Psalmist in Psalm 38:4,

My guilt has overwhelmed me

like a burden too heavy to bear…

I confess my iniquity;

I am troubled by my sin. (18)

I pray,

Lord, do not forsake me;

do not be far from me, my God.

Come quickly to help me,

my Lord and my Savior. (21-22)

And I trust that He will. His Grace is sufficient. It cleanses the heart and soul of the truly repentant…it makes all things new…even me.

Pray before I Yell...

This past week I went to a women’s event called “Summer in the Psalms.” This is a delightfully casual gathering of women of all ages to take an in-depth look at a specific Psalm. Each time we meet we study a different one, and this week’s was Psalm 46…one of my favorite since it contains verse 10, which is the verse that has been sustaining me over the last few years in any way imaginable:

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

As part of the study the facilitator asked us to do several very helpful exercises to really dig deeply into the Psalm. The closing exercise was different, however, since it was an application: we had to think of something very specific that this Psalm would inspire us to do in the coming days to help us deal with any particular struggle we are facing at this time.

Well, of course in my mind, the most difficult part about completing that task was to pick one, and only one thing I’m struggling with at this time…but God is Faithful and He directed me to something unexpected.

Like I mentioned earlier, one of my life-sustaining verses is in this Psalm and when I realized the study was going to be on 46 I was thrilled because I thought verse 10 was going to be speaking volumes to me again. As usual, I thought verse 10 was going to prompt me to speak and meditate on how it has helped me deal with thyroid cancer, whole body scans, waiting room anxiety and things related to that experience. Much to my surprise, however, God had a different plan…which should not surprise me in the least…one thing He is not is predictable…

Anyway, He gave me a fresh angle. He showed me a new insight I had never contemplated before. He guided my eyes to the first part of verse 9:

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth.

When it came time for me to share my application, I said something like: “the same way He calms all wars to the ends of the earth, He calms the wars raging inside of me too. My inner struggles and the wars that wage in my mind cause me to react in a way that is often too aggressive mainly against my children, especially Dylan. So I ask God to lead me to pray before I yell. That when I feel the fury begin to bubble and rise within me, I may be able to stop, say a quick prayer and not yell, but talk.”

I praise God for giving me that moment of humility. As I try to be intentional about walking the road to spiritual maturity, I am growing more and more aware of how my extra heightened and exaggerated sense of self-worth interferes and hinders my ability to be humble. It makes me over protective of my time, my dreams, my goals, my agenda and in the meantime, it makes me trample over those I love the most while in pursuit of the fulfilment of my own needs and wants…emphasis on MY.

God in His loving care and desire for me to shed my infant clothes and step into big girl pants points out the truth: Life is not about me. It is first and fore most about Him. And it is also about those He has placed in my life to love as He loves them. The battles that rage inside of my soul are the direct result of that struggle to topple the idol I have entrenched in the seat that belongs only to God… but consequently, that is precisely the war that will finally overthrow the usurper: myself. And it won’t be over until Only God is back on His throne.

It is only then when I will finally be still and stop anger cause me to react aggressively, annoyed or impatiently when others need me to share my time, talents, gifts and life with them. It is only then that I could find peace. In the meantime, prayer will guide me through and hopefully pull the break before I yell.