One Day at a Time

I’ve never been a runner. Ever since I was a young girl running felt exhausting and useless (unless I spotted a dog on the horizon, which always jumped started my inner-propeller because I was terrified of the furry things). As an adult, there is no way I can run. I’ve pretty much always known that if my life ever depends on running to safety…that’d be the day I’d meet my Maker…and that’s OK with me. However, when it comes to my internal speed I tell you, I’m always racing. My hours of operation begin at dawn and I close shop way later than I should because there are never enough hours in the day. Running behind makes me grumpy. Delays infuriate me. Slow-pace drives me insane. And the funny thing is that sometimes I don’t even know why I’m rushing.

Let’s take a couple of days ago, for example. It was my birthday. It was a joyous day…however, when the evening came, I allowed myself to become grumpy. I don’t even remember why. I’m not sure what triggered it. All I know is that by the time I went to bed my spirit had sunken into a pretty sorry state.

The worst thing is that I do that quite often. I talk myself into misery. I find ways to turn a perfectly good day into something rotten, filled with dissatisfaction. I let stress drain me. I let worry keep me away from peace.

And I think that the root of that problem is found somewhere in that constant rushing thing. I have a hard time taking life one step at a time. I’m always looking ahead…as if the future were something I had any control over. That’s what I keep forgetting. And forgetting this tiny detail makes me lose precious time…which is ironic since that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid with all the rushing around! But the truth is that I lose time and energy because as I fret about what’s coming, I miss what I have right here and right now.

The wonders of today are just a blur on my window as I speed up through life.

That’s not what God wants. He is not in a hurry and He doesn’t want me to be either. Instead, He calls me to sit by His glorious side and be still. He wants me to wait patiently in Him and stop being anxious about the details of my life, for they are all taken care of. He wants me to remember that I am co-heir to His Kingdom with Christ, so as I share in His suffering, I will too share in His victory. He wants me to remember that it is all already accomplished, and that the unfolding of His plan for me includes the resolution to all my concerns in a way that is perfect, even if different from what I would have designed.

I don’t want to waste my days being grumpy about the unresolved stress of the future. I need to remember how much I dislike running so I can learn how to walk. I need to remember that I CAN’T run…so I better stop trying because I’m going to be worn out way too soon. I need to remember the old fable that taught us: slow and steady wins the race.

Hopefully next year, on my birthday I will not allow myself to waste my time being grumpy for unimportant reasons. In the meantime…I’m going to do my best to slow down as I drink the calming waters of His presence.

The Unexpected Side of Fear

A couple of days ago, I think it was this past Monday to be precise, Dylan and I heard a short inspirational, radio blurb in our favorite Christian station that caught our attention. I can’t remember exactly the complete content of the message, but the gist was that we are to find the blessing in each situation, no matter what. “Find the awesome” the voice on the radio said…at which both Dylan and I nodded in assent.

As I researched the word awesome, I realized that this adjective is utilized almost exclusively as an attribute of God. One interesting thing is that the word’s meaning is mostly associated with the reaction that God’s presence has in the individual who comes into it. It speaks of people’s expression of what they feel inside as a result of witnessing any of God’s astonishing works. Another very interesting thing is that the word translates into English words in Hebrew and in Greek that mean fear.

Well…for a person like me whose heart and mind are filled with fear, this is a twist. Every time I think of my struggle with fear I don’t associate the paralyzing feeling with God. To me, fear is something bad that I need to master so it doesn’t conquer me. Fear is the enemy’s tool to beat me into submission. Fear is what keeps God’s peace out of my reach.

The fear derived from experiencing God’s presence, however, is not the fear that I feel when I’m facing a scary diagnosis. This fear is being in awe of God. It is the reverence and submission that we experience when coming into direct contact with the Magnificent Radiance and Absolut Power of the Great I AM. It is the trembling of our flesh and the quaking of our soul at the realization of the reality of the Most High in our lives. It is the gratitude that overflows our heart when we understand how God uses all things for good. It is when we understand how He uses even our deepest and darkest fears to draw us closer to Him.

No matter what, there is always something to be grateful about. There is a blessing behind each situation. There is awesomeness to be found at every step we take. And the reason is because God IS behind every situation. He IS with us everywhere and always. Therefore, so is His awesomeness…and the right reaction from our part is to be in awe…in reverence…trembling as we witness His Majesty among us.

I do see now why awesome is closely linked to fear…it is impossible to witness God’s hand at work and not be shaken up inside.



Dylan and I have been remembering the words of the preacher on the radio, and as best as we can, we have been trying to find the awesome in every turn of the day. It was the perfect message for us to hear since we both tend to be rather seekers of the negative. But it was also very revealing. It revealed an unexpected side of fear. The message led me to dig into the word a bit more and realize that fear is not the enemy. Fear is sometimes the appropriate response when faced with the inexpressible character of our Great God. Fear is the respect that His actions deserve. Fear is what teaches us about our limitations. Fear teaches us humility. Fear leads us to His exaltation.

Intentionally Thankful

A couple of days ago, my devotional read: “I speak to you continually: through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions, scriptures. There is no limit to the variety of ways I can communicate with you.” I read these words as I was enjoying a few days at my version of Heaven on Earth: a beach front room. Not only was I in my favorite place in the world, but I was there with some of my very favorite people in the world. The words in my devotional came alive since they called me to be what I need to be more like: intentionally thankful.

Allowing my eyes to wander from the balcony of our room to the immensity of the Pacific Ocean in front of me I reminded myself of the need to be intentionally thankful for every single thing, person, moment, experience the Lord has planned for my life…and not just the good ones. The key is to be intentionally thankful for everything…in every circumstance, obeying God’s command to:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Even in the not so pleasant days…even in the not so smooth rides…even in the not so happy situations, always rejoice.

Even in the scary times…even in the times of loss…even when we feel lost, always rejoice.

Even when the earth quakes…even when the wind destroys…even when the fire burns…even when the waves engulf, always rejoice.

Practicing the discipline of being intentionally thankful for everything that comes our way will open the path to freedom from anxious thoughts and from the slavery of pessimism and panic.

The few days I spent with my family at the beach were a marvelous respite from the craziness and stress of this life. We laughed, ate, took naps, talked, and tried to enjoy every minute of it. But most of all, it was a chance for me to practice making sure I praised God for the opportunity rather than lamenting how fleeting the days were. May the Lord help us to become intentionally thankful as we walk the days of our lives, rejoicing always, and being grateful in every situation as He has commanded us to do.

The Same but Different

Shortly after I wrote about my High School reunion, I read the following in my devotional:

“Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you. The more closely you follow My leading, the more fully I can develop your gifts. To follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your desire to please other people. However, your closeness to Me will bless others by enabling you to shine brightly in this dark world.

It is hard not to want to please other people. In other words, it is hard not to conform to the patterns of this world. To obey God’s Word in today’s society is to swim against the current of cultural constraints. We can no longer assume that people follow any kind of Christ-inspired consciousness because for generations, now, people have grown up without guidance on the things of the Spirit. This guidance used to be a given. Kids used to find it at school, at home, at church. It used to be part of who we were as a nation. There used to be a sense of knowledge of who Christ is. There was a sense that everyone was the same and that everyone had the same values. That sense is harder to come by nowadays…I guess we might have taken it all for granted.

Today, I wonder, was the generalized knowledge and sense of devotion experienced in the past, just empty religiosity? Was the normal inclusion of Christianity in our society only a fleeting nod without much depth? Was the Christian consciousness just one more cultural expression that lacked the fervor, passion and intensity that our Jealous God requires and commands?

After all, no amount of instruction on the things of faith would ever be enough to achieve salvation since salvation is not attainable by knowledge or by deeds. Salvation is the greatest gift of Grace given to us by the sacrifice of Christ and revealed to us by the Holy Spirit who moves us to believe and accept.

The difference between our history and our present, I think is that unlike in the recent past, today’s Christian has something at stake. The fact that in order to live as a Christian in today’s society is way harder and requires more of us than it did, say, 15 years ago, implies a higher cost that never had to be paid before. This higher cost is the fact that we have to be different from everyone else. Today’s Christian cannot be the same as those around him or her. We have to walk, behave, dress, speak, look, act and feel different. Living a life that strives to please God is in direct contradiction with what society strives for. Therefore, we will be labeled different and it will take for us to put all of our skin, flesh and soul into the game in order to win it.

So…now that I think of it…perhaps we are living more intense times now after all. Perhaps my friends were right and looking the same is not a good thing…it’s not much of a compliment. I need to be different so I can be identified as a child of God. I need to have a spiritual make-over that is evident to those around me. However, such transformation is not easy or quick. It takes intentionality, trust, obedience and time. It takes tuning into the frequency of the Holy Spirit to hear His whispering. It takes imprinting the Word into our hearts and following its teaching as a lamp into our path. It takes a willing soul that, like clay in the hands of the Master Potter, is ready to be malleable so He can do the transformation.

I pray we can all become what God intended for us to be, so that in the end we are found on the side of the Most High.

You Look the Same

Thirty years…sigh. This year I’m celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of my High School graduation and I can’t believe it. As it happens, I’m in Panama right now so I was actually able to attend the festivities that were organized to commemorate this occasion. It was wonderful to walk around our old High School and hang out with some of the people who were so very important in my life back then. It was moving to reminisce…but it was also very revealing.

In the evening, the celebration switched from an informal gathering of old friends and acquaintances to a fancy party filled with glittery lights, delicate drinks, delicious foods, loud music, professionally styled hair and makeup, high hills, tight jeans and very…how shall I put it…extremely hip blouses. When I open the doors to the party hall I thought I had stepped into the set of the Kardashians or the LA’s Young and Rich show. It was surreal and it did not fit the idea I had in my mind of what a high school reunion would look like for a crowd of people nearing their 50s…

I was not sure what to do, how to act or what to say. People kept coming up to me whose names escaped me and whose faces I did not recognize. And among half-hugs and flying kisses they all uttered a comment over and over again to me: “you look the same!” At first, I took it as a compliment. As the comment kept pouring out of the brightly colored lips of those women I went to high school with, I began to realize that given my past history of whom I was when I was in High School, the words were not meant as a compliment. They were expressions of pity, lamenting the fact that I had not evolved. I was still the same plain, simple, not-fun, boring, not-interesting, nothing much to look at old self, unable to morph into the flashy, highly stylized model-type that most other women had become.

To say that I left the party early is an understatement. I walked away from the palace-like party hall feeling not even like the ugly step-sister, but rather like the smashed pumpkin that got kicked to the side of the road by the caravan of Cinderellas on their road to the ball. I know…dramatic, huh? But it was an eye-opening experience to say the least.

From that night on, I’ve been thinking a lot about women and beauty. Since I really don’t have much of a social life, I have not really had much opportunity to have a face-to-face encounter with the cult of image and the obsession with youth and beauty that exists not only in the United States but also in small countries like Panama (I mean…have you seen Panama on a map? I dare you to find it!). It is such a waste of time in my opinion, but it is a reality that has cost millions spent on therapy (physical and emotional) as well as created a culture void of warmth and real depth of soul and spirit.

If this is the situation for the almost-50, I’m not sure things may be any better for young women out there. I think this is tragic and I am saddened by the state of things in today’s world. However, I am hopeful that as society disintegrates in front of our eyes, God’s plan will prevail and people will turn their eyes toward His face. I pray that as parents, we do as much as possible to disable such trends and impart purity, modesty and the need to cultivate the Spirit in our children so the cult of the body and the superficiality of materialism end up losing ground.

Let’s hang on to God’s Word and proclaim it to those who walk in the darkness of this world, hypnotized by the deceptions of evil so we can follow the light and seek the beauty within…the only one worth striving for. Let’s hang on to the One Who ALWAYS stays the same, so we shall not be shaken or sunken in the quick sands of today’s murky societies.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3: 3-4

When I´m Afraid, I Put My Trust in You

The enemy is constantly prowling, ready to pounce and attack. He knows our weaknesses and he is always looking at the exact and perfect time to make his move. The second we lower our guard, he is there, positioned to grab a foothold. The moment we get distracted he jumps. The minute we lose sight of the truth, he covers our head with a veil of lies.

We all have buttons that the enemy knows well how and when to push. Mine all revolve around fear and anxiety. These buttons are triggered mainly by worries about my health and the health of my loved ones. Even when I don´t have anything to worry about, I worry. I can´t stand it. I have prayed for years that God will change me, that He will free me from my fearful nature. I am so ready for God to take this character flaw away from me…but it is still very much there…and I´m not sure why.

However, when I think about it, I realize that this weakness, this thorn in my flesh, is there precisely to remind me that I am not a finished work. It is what keeps me humble. It is what keeps me aware of my total dependence on His power, mercy and goodness. It is what keeps me close to Him.

When fear grabs a hold of my mind I realize I have been looking away from His face, and I am reminded of the need to turn my eyes toward Christ. When the enemy pokes me with worry, I am reminded that the Only One who can bring me peace is the One who is peace Himself. The only one who delivers me from the evil one is the One who has already defeated him and stands victorious at the right hand of the Father.

Today, as I feel the flaming arrows of the chief deceiver, I pray:

Be merciful to me, my God,

for my enemies are in hot pursuit;

all day long they press their attack.

My adversaries pursue me all day long;

in their pride many are attacking me.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise—

in God I trust and am not afraid.

What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56: 1-4

No King but King Jesus!