Waiting Patiently or Patiently Waiting

To wait… patience… two concepts that have a dark and resounding heaviness in my soul. I know, the adjectives I’ve chosen to describe the feelings that the words evoke in my heart do not necessarily go together. At first glance, the adjectives might sound too concrete, not the most accurate to define abstract concepts, but in the depths of my being, they do make sense.

Dark: opposite to light – what happens when it’s dark? Well, when it is dark, we can’t see very well or at all. When I’m confronted with the reality of waiting, suddenly, there is a darkness that comes upon me, blinding me… I can’t see what’s coming. I have to wait to find out. Like when I was on board an airplane not too long ago, to go to NYC to meet my sister and niece for our yearly get-together, unexpectedly, the waiting began. There was something wrong with the plane and we had to wait… there was not much info given to the passengers… just the wait… in a fog of sorts, in the darkness of the unknown…

Resounding: when something is described as resounding, the idea of loud comes to mind. But it is a loudness that causes waves, that reverberates. It can also be something huge, very great. To me, waiting can become very loud as my mind screams at me with an ocean of scenarios, many of which are absolutely terrifying. The waves caused by the loud noise of my mind often threaten to overpower me as they become bigger and bigger with the increasing worries of my overactive imagination. I’m going to never make it to NYC and I’m going to miss out on a wonderful gathering with my beloved!

Heaviness: a crushing weight hard to bear. Waiting asphyxiates me. Whether it is waiting in traffic, at the doctor’s office, at home by the phone, at the airport for some news of what’s going on with my flight, waiting causes me to stop breathing regularly and my chest feels as if under a press. Physically, I feel the crushing heaviness descend upon me when I’m faced with a wait, and the interruption of the air flow drives me to desperation. Waiting, therefore, results in a very physical, concrete reaction within me... I know… I have issues!



Now, throw in the word “patience” or “patiently” in front or after the word “waiting,” and the reactions become exponential…