Sabotage

On to my journey reading Holley Gerth's book You're Going to be Okay, I'm now in chapter 5 and right from the title, it grabbed me:  "You Can Keep from Sabotaging Yourself."

O my...

The chapter so far deals with the fact that many of us, consciously and more often, unconsciously, sabotage ourselves in many ways.  One of the first ones is emotional sabotage.  This one, has to do with expectations...

Oy vey...

I know all about this one.  I want to meet everyone's expectations and when that doesn't happen, which is more often than not, I fall into a pool of self-rejection.  The biggest problem personally, however, arises when I try to meet my OWN expectations for myself...which NEVER happens, meaning, I'm a permanent resident of the bottom of the pit.

Sigh...

I want to change my ways.  I long to be a better EVERYTHING...and when I fail... well... you know...

This is what I was alluding back when I was talking about being at peace with who I am... God designed me this way.  I know, I'm not using this as a cop out, though it sure sounds like one.  I'm using it as a self-affirmation. 

Either from the expanded version found in the Amplified Bible,

For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].

Or in the simple terms of the New Living Translation:  

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Ephesians 2: 10 is clear... we are the product of the work of His Hands.  That is enough to makes us worthy of our own acceptance.

He planned, He designed, He modeled us as bearers of His image...the crown of His Creation, to be in this life to do the work he prepared for us, be it as the president of a country or as a person suffering a debilitating disease, constraint to a bed, unable to move.  We all have a purpose in His Divine Providence.  The problem is that often, the ideas we have in our minds regarding the purpose for our life does not match the original plan.  

The key is to trust the Plan Maker... for He is Perfect and so is His plan.  Let us remember to walk with Him, to keep our eyes on His Face and to have peace with the fact that:  

In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.  Proverbs 16: 9

Lord, help us to seek You above all else, and to forget about the lie that we must meet everyone else's expectations, especially our own...so we can stop sabotaging our lives.

A Closer Walk with Thee

This morning I read the last paragraphs of chapter 4 in the book You're Going to Be Okay by Holley Gerth, and I have to admit that, for a moment, I got a bit discouraged.  She said that we would know our hearts are becoming guarded by seeing that:

Our emotions will become more stable.
Our relationships will be stronger.
Our connection with Jesus will grow to deeper intimacy.
Our ability to say yes as well as no will increase.
Our lives will begin to be filled with more peace and less stress.
Our focus will be on what's best and we'll be distracted less from God's purpose for us.
Our joy will continue to expand. (p. 87)

I tell you...when I got done reading this list, I felt the way I felt when I did the ice-bucket challenge...remember that craze a couple of years ago?  BRRRRR....

However, the fact I felt that way after reading this passage only proves the fault in my attitude.  I always jump to conclusions and assume the worst.  I didn't even notice what the author said right before she listed these signs of a guarded heart:  "learning to guard our hearts is a lifelong process..."  I mean, really?  How did I miss that?

But, anticipating that most readers probably would miss it, the author repeated it and clearly stated afterwards that, even though we all want all these things right now, the process is ongoing.  We aim for this goals, but the reality is that "we ain't in heaven yet."  Therefore, what we look for is: "a little more light each day, each week, each year."

Sigh...

The way I see it, we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions: am I on the road with Christ?  Am I walking ever closer to Jesus? 

This life is the road, not the destination.  We are wanderers around the mountains and the valleys of this world.  We are not home.  We are looking for progress, for spiritual growth, for sprouts of faith, for budding maturity...I don't believe we will see the full garden while still on this Earth. I don't think we'll get to drink the wine produced by our grapes until Jesus pours it out Himself into our cups at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.  We do have a job right here, right now, however...our job is to stick to the vine:

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15: 5)

All throughout my thinking process regarding this topic, I couldn't help but to think of the old hymn, "Just a Closer Walk with Thee."  I think that's the key...let us pray that the Lord guides us so each passing moment we can take just a closer walk with Him...that, Lord Jesus, is my plea...

I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

Refrain:
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.

When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore. (Anonymous)

Rushing Ahead

The new year is well on its way...and here I am.

In these first days of 2018 I have had my ups and downs as far as allowing the peace of Christ to flow through me; but I'm finding out that once the level of stress rises, if I can manage to pause and remember the things I've learned from the book You're Going to be Okay by Holley Gerth, things get better.

I need all the help I can get in order for me to find the center and balance of my life.  So, I think it's time I get back to my reading of this book.

I remember I left it Chapter 4:  Your Heart is Worth Guarding.  So I will pick it up right there, because I'm at the end of this chapter, where it talks about how our hearts are guarded when we have Jesus on His Throne.  And boy, do I need to remember that...

Take today, for example, I really, really try not to do this, but last night I left my phone sitting on my night table.  I don't like doing this because guess what happens in the morning?  Yes, you got it!  The first thing I do as soon as I open my eyes is.... drum roll .... I reach for my phone.  I purposely have the charger downstairs so if I want to charge it overnight, I have to leave it out of my reach.  But last night, I kept it with me in my room...and of course...you know...

The thing is that as I checked my e-mail, a message about a new blog post called my attention, so I clicked on it and read it.  The post was fabulous!  It was about being consistent and about the amazing spiritual discipline of beginning your day in Christ.  I loved it!  I agreed with everything the blogger said, which was simply: rather than beginning the day by checking social media, check in with the Lord.

So, I got out of bed full of resolve, and...instead, I got distracted, and next thing I know, I'm checking social media instead of reading my morning devotional...

Sigh...

It was about an hour later until I realized what I had done.  And here I am...

The thing is that out of ALL the relationships in my life, the most important one, the only one I should never neglect is my relationship with Christ.  But, as it happens, that is the one I push aside the most.  Instead of keeping Jesus on His Throne in my heart, I push Him off and place something on it that usurps His Holy place.  In times of stress, for example, when hectic schedules keep me running around like a mad chicken, I totally forget who is King, and crown all the insignificant tasks in front of me, king instead.  When things are not going according to plan, I crown my desires king.  When I'm afraid, fear and anxiety fight over the throne. 

Sigh...

Instead of seeking His Kingdom first and fixing my eyes on Him, I seek gratification and keep my eyes on the goal of comfort.

I forget that if Jesus is sitting on the Throne of my heart, He will tend to everything I need and want! Yes, in His timing, but His timing happens to be perfect, and that is something I often forget.

I finally grabbed my devotional, and along with Holley Gerth's book, it also reminded me of this:

"Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come.  One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events.  If you want to stay close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment.  Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace.  Slow down, and enjoy the journey in My Presence." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Lord, please make me remember the truth: that You love me, that You take care of me, that Your timing is perfect and that You seat on the Throne always.  In Christ's precious name...

Follow Him!

I don't have any pictures of our silver tree, color wheel or Nativity,
but these are exactly it as far as the tree and the wheel.  Same
boxes even!  The Nativity, will live only in my memory now.

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” Matthew 2: 1-2

I remember growing up in Panama, one of my greatest joys was the Christmas season.  My parents didn't decorate much.  Actually, as soon

as I was old enough to walk, I was the one decorating.  There were only two main decorations:  the silver tree with two spotlights that had a four-color-wheel that slowly turn once plugged in to give the tree alternating red/yellow/green/blue colors, and a great Nativity set.  I loved them both, but my favorite was the Nativity.  It was a whole village!  

I loved setting it up:  first the base.  I would gather boxes and organize them on the ground at the corner of our living room.  For that I had to move some of the furniture to make room.  Then, I would cover the boxes with manila paper painted green and brown to resemble the ground.  I would have fun creating caves and creeks all around.  Once the base was set, the fun began.  I would start designing the village of Bethlehem.  

I always started with the stable and the Holy Family...minus Baby Jesus, of course, that piece never got to the scene until Christmas morning, when my Mom would gently placed it on His special spot.  Then, the villagers, the houses, the chickens, ducks, shepherds, sheep and angels would populate the town.  Finally, the magi made their entrance.  I always placed them as far away from the stable as possible, so, during the Christmas season, they could do their pretend journey toward the Newborn King!  The Magi would always face the big silver star that stood, or rather leaned behind the stable.  Once completed, I would look at it and wait for my Mom to come and give it the final touches.

Those were the glory days of my childhood.

As long as the Christmas decorations were up it meant the season of wonder and joy was still on.  

January 6th, however, was always a sad day for me...

That is the day of the Epiphany, when tradition says the Magi arrived in Bethlehem to present their gifts to the Newly born Messiah.  

That is the day all Christmas decorations went down at our house.  That's the day the Magi finally were placed right in front of the stable in adoration...under the star that guided them...

Sigh...

It's funny how some things stick to our minds in such a vivid way...and then, others just slip away...

I remember everything about those, long-gone days...the sights, the smells, the feelings, the melancholy... and so often I forget what truly gave meaning to all the celebration:  The birth of Our Savior!

Keeping in mind the reason for the traditions will help me shake off the melancholic feeling about taking down the decorations.  The fact that we celebrate the arrival of the Magi should give me inspiration, should provoke a renewed sense of Epiphany!  Jesus is the Star, the Bright Morning Star that guides us...it is not the end of the season.  It is the beginning!  It is the beginning of a new year of journeying with Jesus as our Guiding Light!  We just need to remember that, as the Magi did, those who pay attention and remain focused can also, still follow!

Peace with Who I am

Eventually I will get back to my comments on the book You Are Going to Be Okay, but for a few more posts, I'd like to continue thinking about the concept of allowing the Peace of Christ to flow in us.

This morning I began to think about the things that rob me of my peace...the list is pretty long, but I think I was able to narrow it down to the following:

The well being of my sons and husband.
My relationship with my extended family.
My ability to be a good friend.
My ability to do my job well.

Myself

Yep, I am the biggest thief of my own peace.

I rob myself of peace at a greater pace than all the other items in the list combined.

The reason?  I am my own harshest judge.

I am acutely aware of all of my flaws, plus the ones I make up.  I really don't need anybody pointing out the things that are wrong with me.  I know them better than anyone else.  I already know my inadequacies and my failures.  They go with me everywhere I go.  I drag a heavy bag of regrets and guilt around...and there isn't much room left anywhere in my heart for joy and peace...

There...it's out now...I've said it...

Some of the most effective recovery/rehab methods state that admitting that there is a problem is the first step toward healing.  I admit that there is a big problem...me...

I am in great need of allowing the peace of Christ to flow through me so I can reach a point in my life where I am at peace with who I am.

I would never be able to get there if I continue to be so harsh on myself.  I need to begin to see myself with the eyes of the One Who Died for Me.  I need to start believing that He does love me enough to sacrifice Himself for me, so I could live!  I need to claim the truth of His presence in me.  I need to have faith on His Word, because He IS the Word.  And the Word says that I am beloved.

It is not about how well I love Him and/or others.  It is about the fact that He loves me...

He finds me lovely enough, in all of my flaws...to pour His immeasurable, perfect, unique love in my broken jar of clay.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  (1 John 4: 10)

There is no way we could love Him, had He not loved us first.  The only reason we could claim that we love Him or anyone else is because He first loved us.  (1 John 4: 19)

There is no fear in love. (1 John 4: 18a)  

Every fear of inadequacy must disappear as we accept and believe the truth that: God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5: 8)

The Peace of Christ will finally begin to flow in me when I begin to accept who I am in Him.  And, who am I?

...You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 
(1 Peter 2: 9)

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5: 17)

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  (Ephesians 2: 10)

I am beloved.  I am forgiven.  I am the daughter of the Most High.  I am a broken person who has been made whole by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony.

Praised be the God Who Sees and Heals.  The One Who Makes All Things New!

Hanging On to Peace

It's only January 2nd and I already feel my resolve to allow the peace of Christ to flow through me faltering. 

This is the first day back to school and to some semblance of a routine.  Therefore, I'm back to feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks once again. 

On top of that, I am experiencing the burden of brokenness fall on my shoulders...there are branches of my family tree which have been broken for a long time, and today as I see them scattered on the ground, my heart aches as the pain of fracture becomes acute in my heart one more time.  There's not much I can do about the situation, but I can't shake off the sense of guilt..."shaking it off" is not as easy as Taylor Swift makes it sound...

Sigh...

Today, I need to hang on to the Peace that surpasses all understanding more than ever to avoid falling into the pit of despair...I need to hold that Light of Christmas high to keep from surrendering to the darkness...

Today, I need to find the time to relax in His presence to receive the healing power of the Spirit in my heart and soul.

The enemy plays on my weaknesses, which are many...but today, I must stand firm on my faith and rebuke him so he'd flee!

Today, I renew my desire to let His peace flow through and through in me.

May the Peace of Christ Flow in Us This New Year!

As unbelievable as it may seem, today is the first day of 2018...WOW...just,WOW!  I have no clue where 2017 went, but we have no other choice than to go with the flow of time and pray we don't drown in the current.

It has become my personal tradition to start the new year with a word that would bring guidance and focus to my days in the adventure that is ahead.  My word for 2018 is Peace.

But...how do I achieve that peace?  How do I grasp it? How do I make it stay in my heart? How do I allow it to take over my fears and worries?

I was "chatting" with my sister and niece yesterday about "my word" for 2018, and a very interesting conversation about accepting the flow of life came about.  My sister told us how, in an informal gathering with her bosses at work, the three of them discussed the fact that stress overcomes them because of their lack of acceptance of the natural flow of things as they refuse to place their trust in God, the Great Designer of all that surrounds us.  Then, I got a visually stunning short video from a friend who was wishing me the perfect "flow" for 2018.  Thus the idea of combining the thoughts of Peace and flow emerged...Later, I read the devotional entry for December 31st in my little book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, and it said:

"As this year draws to a close, receive My Peace.  This is still your deepest need, and I, your Prince of Peace, long to pour Myself into your neediness.  My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match.  I created you as a jar of clay, set apart for sacred use.  I want you to be filled with My very Being, permeated through and through with Peace.  Thank Me for My peaceful Presence, regardless of your feelings.  My Peace, which lives continually in your spirit, will gradually work its way through your entire being."

Answers began to flow:

There is only One way to peace...

Jesus.

He is the One and Only who can make peace flow through our entire beings, through and through, because He is the foretold Prince of Peace of Isaiah 9:6.  He is the One who gives us the peace that surpasses all understanding as Paul told us in Philippians 4: 7.  He is the One who offers it to us as His great gift of mercy:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14: 27

He is the One who offers peace to us as His greeting, and He is the Only One who can make it flow like a river because Peace is He.

Therefore, my "word" for 2018 became a prayer:  

May the Peace of Christ Flow!

Happy New Year to all, and to all the Peace that Flows!