Trust enough to Surrender?

With the end of the year approaching, I started thinking about the word that I want to use to label 2018.  I couldn't decide what word I wanted to use, so I thought, maybe if I look at the last two year's words, I could, perhaps find inspiration.

The last two words I used were:

Trust

Surrender

They totally make sense together.  The two words work in an continuum. Usually, trust allows us to surrender.  The question that lingers is:  Do I trust enough to surrender? 

I think of my most priced, valuable, irreplaceable, important, meaningful, dear, beloved possession I may have...then...I think about surrendering this possession...could I do it?

Among all the precious gifts God has given to me, my husband and my sons are right there below salvation.  Could I give them up?  The thought alone makes me shudder in fear and anxiety.  The trust involved in surrendering them is not of this world.  The trust necessary to open my hands and let them go must come directly from the Divine, otherwise, I'd keep a grip so tight on them that I'd asphyxiate them.   

In order for me to open up my hand and offer them to the Lord, the measure of trust needed for such an effort must emerge from sources beyond what I can produce.    

I think of Mary, and how she must have held that little baby in her arms, thinking she could never let him go...but...knowing, the day would come when her heart would be pierced by the pain of His departure.  

In Your hands I commend all that I love, because it belongs to You, Lord...they are with me only as a loan.

Trust and surrender go together.  What next?

Peace...

The peace that surpasses all understanding.  And that's the word I'm looking for.

Ready or Not...Christmas Came and Went...

Wrapping up the Christmas Season at Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh...one of our favorite places to marvel at the cheer of the moment.

I can't believe today is already December 28th.  I woke up this morning and the entire Christmas season seemed just like a foggy memory of something I saw in a movie a long time ago.

It  always goes by so fast...I try to grasp it as it moves along, but I can't help feeling it just slips by...I try to tighten my grip on it, but Christmas always seems to drain through my fingers, leaving me empty and blue...

Sigh...

I climbed out of bed, and decided to organized my Christmas season pictures into one folder in my computer, as to capture it for a little longer.  The process was surprisingly cathartic.  A spark of joy was ignited in my heart as I filled the new folder called Navidad 17 with priceless pictures that bring back to life the memories we made this year.  From our traditional visit to Kraynak's after Thanksgiving to our trip to Pittsburgh right after Christmas, the file is full of wonderful gifts that the Lord gave us this year.

While transferring photos from my phone to my laptop, the Lord gave me a chance to re-live the season so I would realize it hadn't slipped through my fingers after all.  He also gave me another chance to remember that the season is not about what we do.  Christmas is the celebration of an event that changed history.  God becoming flesh with the purpose of saving His creatures from eternal damnation and the added bonus of having Him dwell in His children as a Helper and Guide while still walking through this valley of tears and sorrow.

Emmanuel, God with Us... the presence of the Living God in us... That is a truth that cannot be altered regardless of how fast time moves or how distracted we are.

Baby Jesus is finally born.  In our home, we leave Baby Jesus out
until Christmas morning.  The kids have to find Him.  Whoever
finds Him, places Him in the Stable and then starts distributing
the presents.

Thank you, Lord, for another Christmas.  Thank you for another opportunity to celebrate your presence and the gift that You are.

The wonder of Christmas Morning.

Christmas with the Dieters is always fun!

I love this little tree and the items around it.  The horse and the chair were made by Dan's paternal Grandfather a long time ago.  The wooden box where it stands is from the factory where his maternal Grandfather worked for many decades.  The "Santa Stops Here" sign is a present from Rosa.

Grant made Mama proud many times this season!

Our traditional visit to the Kraynak's Christmas display...the boys felt too old for this this year, but they didn't want to give it up just yet...Praise the Lord for that!

Wonderful Church Moments!

We saw Dylan's first trumpet performance!

Am I Ready for Christmas? Well... it depends...

It is December 23rd...
I'm pretty much all done with the shopping and I have watched most of our Christmas movie collection, but I have no cookies baked, nothing is wrapped, I didn't send any Christmas cards, and there is no snow falling...

Am I ready for Christmas?  I guess it depends...

I'm home with my kids, husband and dog, still wearing my pjs at 10 a.m.  I like that...but I have work to do for a class I'm teaching online and I'm trying a different menu for our Christmas-season meals which could go either way.  I'm chilling, but I'm stressed out at the same time.  How is that even possible?

Am I focusing on all the wrong things?  Perhaps...

Far away, in Panama, my sister is distributing gifts to underprivileged children in our hometown, but here, I'm over-stuffing my own kids', already fully-stuffed stockings... Outside the weather looks just yuky.  I don't like rain at Christmas.  Never had it while I was growing up in Panama...don't like it when it happens here.  It's supposed to be snowing! C'mon!

How inconvenient!

Wow, am I spoiled, or what?

Spoiled!

One quick glance at that very first Christmas reveals how through all the greatests inconveniences: pregnant without biological explanation, trekking to an out-of-the-way-good-for-nothing-tiny-town, no room at the Inn, facing early labor, and having to give birth at a stable assisted by a husband who is still wondering what in the world is going on, surrounded by cows and sheep, greeted by outcasts...lit by a star...and I get slapped back into reality.  Inconveniences are the roadmap to the fulfillment of God's will.

Am I ready for Christmas?  I am getting there.  I'm getting ready to receive the greatest gift ever given...and not all the cookies, snow, shopping, cooking, jobs, inadequacies, disappointments in the world can compare to the joy of the Christ born.

Am I Ready for Christmas? I don't know...Maybe?

Once again, I wake up distressed thinking I'm not taking time ... setting time aside, to meditate on Christmas... I feel as if I'm the Inn-keeper, telling Joseph: "sorry, no room."

I don't know what to do?

Then, I read my morning devotional and I believe that the Holy Spirit pointed me to a way of looking at my dilemma from a different perspective:

"it's not about 'doing' ... it's about receiving."

I know, I feel like Charlie Brown's sister, Sally in that little Christmas short where she is writing a letter to Santa or a school theme, I can't remember, and she says:  "Christmas is about the joy of getting." 

That short episode always makes my kids laugh! and me too...but this morning, I wonder if Sally is up to something?

As I think about my morning reading and what the Holy Spirit prompted me to meditate on, Christmas IS about the joy of getting.  It's about the joy of receiving the living Christ in or soul and renewing our mind to encounter His presence within us.  It is about the joy of receiving the Light that will guide us to an eternity with Him. 

"Come to Me and rest in my presence...the mystery of Incarnation is beyond your understanding.  Instead of trying to comprehend...learn to follow and fall down in humble worship..." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

Praise and Worship, that's what Jesus wants.  "My Lord and My God!" the words of the apostle Thomas when He finally realized Jesus was God...(John 20:28)  That's all He wants.  Jesus wants us to have that Thomas-moment and worship Him in humble adoration with whatever we've got... a little drum, a beautiful voice, a broken down spirit, a patched up heart, a frazzled mind, an anxious soul...it doesn't matter.  We don't need to "do" anything...we just need to come to Him in adoration and humbly accept His gift...the only gift that truly matters...

Are You Ready for Christmas? I'm Trying to...

"Do not be weighed down by the clutter in your life: lots of little chores to do sometime, in no particular order.  If you focus too much on these petty tasks, trying to get them all out of the way, you will discover that they are endless.  They can eat up as much time as you devote to them." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling daily Devotional)

Yep, when I read these words a couple of days ago in my morning devotional, I felt the gentle hand of conviction poking a finger right to my side. 

My life seems so cluttered right now, I have a hard time finding my mind.  I feel unsteady, as if walking on slippery rocks (pun totally intended :)   But really, often I have so much to do that I feel paralyzed.  It's like when I walk by Dylan's room.  I know better than to look inside.  Sometimes, however, my eyes don't obey my brain's command, and they turn as I pass by...so, boom! I can't help but stop in mid step. 

The shock is so grave that I can't move.  In that room, it is impossible to discern what is what.  When Dylan is in bed, you really have to sharpen your focus to be able to find him in the midst of the mess.  He rolls himself in his blanket like a burrito and the entire experience of trying to locate him is like one of those I Spy games.

I wonder aloud, "how can that kid even find his thoughts in that room?"

Then I remember he is only 12 years old.  He doesn't need to be concerned with petty things such as thoughts.

My point is, I don't want to be consumed by clutter, either material or spiritual.  I want my house to reflect the openness I want in my soul.  I want open spaces where I can walk freely and breathe clean air.  I want my soul to have plenty of room to not only allow the Baby King to be born in me again this year, but to allow Him to stay and dwell in me forever, not as a faded background that gets pushed to a forgotten corner throughout the year, but to stay at the foreground, as the Guiding Light of every step I take.

I don't want my head to be filled with the endless tasks I feel I need to fulfil.   I want my mind, spirit and soul to be focused on seeking His presence in my life every day.

I want to take the advice I read in Sarah Young's devotional and:  "Instead of trying to do all my chores at once, choose the ones that need to be done today.  Let the rest slip into the background of my mind so HE can be in the forefront of my awareness."

May these few days before Christmas bring an opportunity for us to Seek Him first and let all else fall to the background.  Let us make room for the King!

Ready for Christmas? Not Even Close!

I've kept thinking about the question:  "Are you ready for Christmas?"

I get it anywhere I go this time of the year, from busy cashiers at the stores to frazzled family members and dear friends.  Like I said yesterday, the question is meant to ask whether I'm done with all my shopping or not.  This last couple of days, however, I have felt a certain tension in my spirit every time anyone asks me this question.  I believe the tension has to do with the fact that I am truly NOT ready...not even close!

The reason I'm not ready has nothing to do with shopping.  Thanks to Amazon.com my shopping is pretty much all done.

The reason my soul shudders when I get the dreaded question is that I have been so preoccupied with the urgency of the mundane brought up by every-day-insignificant-emergencies, that I can't believe it is December 20th of the year that I'm leaving my 40s behind, and I had just, literally, just five minutes ago, for the first time, actually taken time to read the lyrics of one of my favorite Christmas Carols:  "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Another question pops into my mind:  "Have I ever been ready for Christmas?"

The thing is that last night, at the High School Christmas Concert where Grant played in the Jazz Band and Concert Band very beautifully by the way, the Chorus Director introduced the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?" before the performance by saying that the song was written in 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis as a call to peace.  The thought intrigued me. 

I didn't grow up with American Christmas carols.  But I've always liked this one because of the tune and melody.  The lyrics, however, I could never really decipher.  I knew that they were talking about things as big as other things or is it "bigger"?...but I was never sure if it was a star as big as a pike? Or if it was a shepherd-king or a boy dancing in the sea? Then, how did the Snowman from Rudolph end up bringing silver and gold? 

My point is, I did not know what was going on in this song until just now.

I woke up with the song in my head...the tune, that is...then I remembered what the choir Director said last night.  So, I looked up the lyrics and I was in awe...I realized what a wonderful son this is!  Instantly, I grew to love this song even more...but now for the right reason...for the content and the truth that it brings forth, rather than for the frills and the tune.

Lord, I've been so busy taking care of things that have no eternal consequences or dazzled by the frills and superficial glitz of the season, that I have forgotten the reason and the purpose for the celebration.  Thank you for bringing me closer to being ready to acknowledging the miracle of Christmas and Your sacrifice...Your gift...the gift of Your presence among us.  Allow me to proclaim this truth with a voice as big as the sea, and to be as brave as the mighty king to say:

Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

He will bring us goodness and light

Are You Ready for Christmas?

The last few days have been truly crazy and hectic.  The regular semester FINALLY ended on Friday then, tomorrow, Wednesday, the Winter Term begins.  As the genius that I am, I decided to teach a course during the Winter Term.  It's an online class so I have been frantically working since Friday to organize and display all the material needed for students to begin tomorrow.  I'm still not done.  And I'm so focused on the stuff I still have to get done, that I'm having a hard time being able to relax and realize that I have done a lot...and that...in reality...there isn't much left to do...

Then, of course, I get all distressed once I start thinking about Christmas!

My distress comes not so much from the fact that "I'm not ready," but from the fact that "I'm NOT ready."  You know what I mean?

When people ask me: "are you ready for Christmas?"  I know they are truly asking if I am done purchasing all my presents.  I say stuff like: "mostly, yes...I'm ready."  (And the only way I actually am ready in that respect is thanks to Amazon.com) However, that question stirs conflict in my soul.

Am I really READY?

Of course I'm NOT!

I have spent hardly any time meditating on Scripture and on the significance of the birth of my Savior!  Of course I am NOT ready!

In Sunday School last week, it was mentioned how those who are in Scripture KNOW...

We were pondering the question of whether or not Mary and Joseph "knew" what was going on.  The conclusion was that, perhaps they did have an idea.  They were most likely taught the Word and especially all the prophecies that dealt with the coming of the Savior.  So we think that maybe, yes, they were definitely taken aback  by the news of Mary's Holy pregnancy...but...as they pondered...the Holy Spirit was able to help them find peace in the knowledge of fulfilled promises.

By the time Mary visited Elizabeth, the Holy Spirit had already brought up to the front of her mind all the knowledge of Scripture she had learned in her short life, as she was able to offer her song. Prompted by Elizabeth's greeting:

“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 43 But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” Luke 1: 42-45

Mary went ahead and proclaimed:

“My soul glorifies the Lord

 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

 for he has been mindful

of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

just as he promised our ancestors.” Luke 1: 46-55

To be able to "magnify" the Lord in such a way, the Word needs to be hidden in our hearts and souls.  

Those who know the Word...KNOW.  That's why Elizabeth knew.  That's how Mary accepted.  That's why the dream Joseph had was not dismissed as yet another nightmare.  That's how we will know that that He is Emmanuel.

Christmas is almost here.  Let's become ready by going back to Scripture and fixing our eyes on Him who came and will come again. 

I'm going to dedicate the last few posts before Christmas to Christmas.  Then, I will continue with my comments of the book You Are Going to Be Okay, by Holley Gerth.