“You enjoy being sad…”
Hmm…
This is a half-joking-comment that has come out of my husband’s mouth on several occasions. And I’ve always tended to disregard it…except…today…
Perhaps it is because the end of summer is approaching and that is always a melancholic time for me. Or maybe it is because my vacation is almost over…or it may even be the fact that I could not resist the impulse to buy a Nick Spark’s double feature I saw in the $5.00 DVD bin at Walmart a couple of days ago (Message in a Bottle and Nights in Rodanthe…if you know anything about Nick Spark’s movies, you may agree with my husband’s assessment of my desire for self-torture).
At any rate, I don’t know what it is, but sometimes I do sense myself wrapping sadness’ dark blanket around my shoulders with my own two hands. In those moments, if I am honest, it is, indeed, as if I’m purposely seeking it.
I’m not sure why. It could be the fact that depression runs in my family or that certain amount of estrogen creates a craving for melodrama…I don’t know…
…but whatever the reason, I don’t like it.
I don’t want to be perceived as someone who seeks sadness. I want those who walk around me to know that I seek the Light! I want to walk on the Way that takes me to Him who is Life!
I want to walk by faith in the promises of Him who is Faithful and not by the fear of the distorted reality that I see guided by a heart that is deceitful.
I want to rest in Him who controls my destiny.
I want His joy to fill my soul and His hope to be my true north.
Sigh…
Jesus tells us in John 10: 10 that He came to give us life, and to give it to us in abundance. I looked up this passage in a couple of different translations and I liked the Amplified,
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).
And I also liked the Message,
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.
He is not a thief. He is not a taker. He is the giver of all things. He gives so much it overflows! And He gives it everywhere…not just in heaven. He gives it during this present reality as well. Regardless of our circumstances, Christ calls us to live a full life even here, in this valley of tears. He surpasses our dreams and transforms our desires. Even in the midst of loss, pain and sadness, we are held by the One who is Good all of the time. We are in the arms of the One who calls us to enjoy life!
I pray that even though my husband may have a point, I may see myself also as someone who knows how to hang on to truth, to hope and to light…even while indulging in the occasional melancholic chick flick…
Hey Gisela, thank you for being honest with you post. It is true - I was having this discussion with a friend this week about depression. she told me that depression was something she picked up often because it was comfortable, there was meaning in it - it made sense. It also meant that she could hide behind how she felt and wouldnt have to do anything more. I am not saying that's how it is for you, rather I am saying that sometimes we get comfortable for some reason with things like depression, sadness or even fear or anxiety. At the end of the day, there is a root somewhere and I pray that your sadness will be something you can explore and understand yourself more! Many blessings Aliyah
ReplyDeleteHi Aliyah, and thank you so much for your comment. I understand completely what you are saying and I appreciate your caring words very much. I do believe that there is a level of comfort in staying sad...It is very complicated...it is one of the many issues of mental health that are important to address but easy to dismiss. I pray that the Lord will show His Hand of mercy on all who have to deal with any type of mental health dilemmas and concerns. It is impossible to go through them alone. Thank you so much for your words.
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