Little Grasshopper

I remember it very clearly even though it happened about a million years ago. I was sitting on the floor. A group of folks were gathered together, as it had become the norm every Sunday evening, for a Bible study our, then, newly arrived Pastor held at his home. I always had a wonderful time at our meetings. It was the very first time I was ever a part of anything like that. It was truly special to sit around a group of seekers of the Word, hungry for the Bread of Life! I learned a lot at those Bible Studies…not just about Scripture, but about myself as well.

It was then when I realized that I was a grasshopper.

Indeed, I am.

I can’t remember exactly what we were studying. I do remember, however, that we were exploring something that had to do with Numbers 13. As soon as I heard Numbers 13: 33, I knew…: We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”

There it was. I had probably heard that passage before at some point. After all, I had been raised in the Church. But the words had never spoken to me so loudly. I can safely say that I had never identified myself with anything so profoundly as I identified with the grasshopper back then…and still today.

I am that person who focuses on the problem. I am that person whose eyes immediately go to the obstacles. I am that person who is instantly intimidated by the size of the mountain. I am that person who becomes paralyzed by fear when facing the giants. I am that person who, in her own eyes, she sees herself as a grasshopper.

The root of my problem? Lack of trust.

Not unlike the ancient Israelites, I lack trust in the Most-High God. Not unlike the ancient Israelites, I have a hard time surrendering my all into the Hands of the One Who Made it all.

I am an ancient Israelite grasshopper!

Why am I thinking about this today, sooooo many years after that night at Pastor Doug’s house, you might ask? I’m not sure. But I think it has to do with the fact that the whole thing with me feeling like a grasshopper has not ended. I still feel the same today as I did back then, all those years ago. I’ve also been thinking, what is there for me to do?

Should I stop feeling like a grasshopper? Should I think of me as a giant, instead? This grasshopper v. giant dichotomy has been circling around in my mind lately. I’m not sure where this trend of thought will take me, but, if you are game, let’s get on this new boat and see where we land!