Rest

Last Sunday at church, our Pastor was talking about the need for us to rest. Boy did that message resonate! I am so stressed out right now, I feel faint all the time.

The beginning of the fall semester is always very challenging for me. After a summer mostly off, my brain cannot adjust quickly to a routine, and I feel scattered and disorganized most of the time. This fall, I have the added stress of having to prepare two big review packets because I am applying for tenure. Our Department is so small at the moment, that I had to go outside of it to find committee members to review my application. This was particularly stressful since I absolutely hate to ask for favors…

Then, I’m teaching a class in a one-night-a-week format, which is completely new to me. And I am teaching two periods of Culture in a not-so-near-by High School for a program I am volunteering.

All in all, I have no idea what I am doing at work.

At home is not any better. This is band season, so Grant is gone three days a week. We go to the games on Fridays and I volunteer to work at the concession stand as much as possible. Dan is back to his school and work routine. Dylan is in his last year of elementary. The house is a mess. The garage is full of junk. The dog needs a haircut and ear medicine. And, on top of it all, I have to have checkups in the coming days and weeks, which alone, totally freaks me out and gives me enough anxiety to fill up a whole year.

I. Am. Exhausted…

A sermon on resting was exactly what I needed. I even came up with a neat acronym, something I am never creative enough to come up with:

Refuel

Empty

Souls

with

Trust

I know… I had to squeeze in “with” to make sense of it…but I like it. I like it because, in my case, the reason I am so tired and in need of rest is because I’m lacking in the trust arena.

If I could just trust His word… trust His promises… I would not worry the way I do. I think I could actually relax in the midst of any circumstance. I believe I could just go with the flow and enjoy the ride…

I’m frustrated with myself. I mean, it isn’t as if He hadn’t proved Himself trustworthy to me. He has delivered me through many storms, fires, toil and snares … but, over and over and over again…when facing something potentially scary, I still get afraid. And I wonder, would that ever change? Would I ever see the day when I sense a storm brewing in the horizon and I don’t get overcome by fear?

I waste so much time being nervous, afraid and anxious. I’m totally sick of it. Fear also makes me distracted, irritable, temperamental, moody, impatient…all the horrible traits that I am ashamed of become enhanced when I am going through periods of tension and worry.

Sigh…

Therefore, I not only become extremely tired myself, but I make everyone around me tired and stressed out.

What a pathetic cycle.

Because of all these… I also become empty. Dragging the chain of fear everywhere I go empties my soul. I need Christ to break every chain that enslaves me, and I need Him to refuel me. I pray I can offer Him an open heart so He can work in me. I need help… I need to trust Him… I need rest.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Psalm 112: 7

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8: 28

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1: 9

But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.” Mark 5: 36