Memories of Trials

Is there a memory that you can recall at will, which serves the purpose of reminding you how Mighty and Powerful the Lord is?  I have several, many indeed.  Today, however, at scarcely 3 months from Grant's High School graduation, I'm choosing to recall the memories of my years dealing with infertility. 

For the first 8 years of our marriage, I carried a deep heartache...an emptiness...a longing I never knew I'd have to endure.  I loved being married.  I loved and love my husband.  I was never the type of girl who would dream about having babies.  I wasn't - and still aren't - good with kids.  My fantasies as an adolescent didn't include picking out the number, names and genders of my future children.  I have always hated minivans and station wagons - no offense - but I was always more of an off-road car, kind of girl.  I never thought that not having kids would be such a big deal for me.  I had tons of plans for my life...and...to tell you the truth...kids would seem to get on the way of realizing those plans.

Sigh...

Life is funny, though...

The instant I heard the words: you would not be able to conceive naturally...I was devastated.

I remember driving back home after that fateful doctor's appointment and bursting into a full out cry at a red light.  For the rest of the way I could hardly see the road.  It was the death of a dream I never really had, which I never knew I always wanted.

Rachel, Jacob's beloved wife knew the heartache of not being able to have children.  She knew the anguish of seeing women pregnant all around her.  She experienced the pain of not having her prayers answered the way she wanted, and of God not changing things right the moment she was hoping for.  She knew the disappointment of a long season of waiting where hope dissipates in the prolonged unfulfilled expectation.

The Lord is Faithful...and...even though, often, the story doesn't end the way we planned or desired, Rachel was able to see that the promises of God are true and that many times, the answer to our prayers is "wait, I have something better in store for you."

Joseph, "Jehovah has multiplied" and Benjamin, "son of my old age," were born to Rachel as a testimony to God's power.  The years of waiting were over and the void had been filled as Rachel carried two boys in her womb.  As God's plan would have it, however, Rachel died in childbirth when Benjamin was born...but she lived long enough to hear she'd had a son...

Today, as my heart aches with a different kind of pain...I'm getting ready to close the childhood stage of the son of my own promise.  Years of failed treatment led to the one last try, which God arranged it to be the one attempt that'd put Grant into my arms.  A while later, the miracle of adoption brought Dylan to our lives to forever change them into something special, exciting and worthy. 

My regard for God's Mighty Hand would not be the same as it is now had I not endured the years of waiting and the agony of uncertainty all those years ago.

That is the truth of our trials...they are not purposeless:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-4

May the trials that we faced and will continue to face bring up the perseverance that will strengthen and mature our faith so we can finish the race not lacking anything at all.  In Jesus' Precious Name. Amen!