Meaningless Worries Lead to Transformational Moments

There are so many things at work that are driving me crazy right now, that I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when I'm retired, enjoying my days of futility at the beach...

Sigh...

It's all so meaningless and petty.  I'm wasting precious time and energy on things that really don't matter at all.  However, on second thought...what matters is how I handle these meaningless things.  Am I making them my idols?  Am I spending countless hours talking and thinking about them?  Am I scheming and rehearsing in my mind spoken and written communications that haven't even happened yet? Am I being mean and unkind toward others in actions, in thoughts and in words?

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes

I need to break free from this cycle, but I don't know how.  I'm way too deep into it.  I've gone beyond the point of no return.  The Spirit is convicting me, but I don't know what to do.  I know something has to change, but I don't know what.

Sigh...

My problem is, I think there are things that need to change at work.  I am witnessing things that should not be happening, and I want people to start taking responsibility and do their job.  But, I think, the way I'm going about it is wrong too.  I think there needs to be a moment of truth...but...for that to happen...an implosion might be necessary first.  And I think that's where we're at: impending implosion mode.  And I'm right at the center.  I'm so in the middle of it, that I can already hear the bricks shacking and the walls starting to crumble.

I am reading through Exodus, and I'm amazed, once again, at how God decided to harden Pharaoh's heart.  It seems counterproductive that God would have purposely made the ruler of Egypt deny the release of God's people...but...over and over again, we see that the reason was so God's Power and Might would be evident and undeniable...not just to the Egyptians, but more importantly, to the Israelites' as well.

I don't think God is hardening my heart.  On the contrary, I think He is giving me more and more reasons to continue to think the way I think regarding the issues that worry me.  I think, as He is placing me on a position of leadership at work, He needs me to make a decision as to what kind of a leader I will be.  He wants to put me in front of a mirror so I can see myself at my worst.  He wants me to know myself, and how, left to my own devices, I am not good at all.  He wants to remind me that in order to be a decent leader, I must let Him be My Guide, My Pillar of Light and Strength. 

I'm praying for God's wisdom.  I'm praying for serenity.  I'm praying for the Holy Spirit to be evident in me.  I'm praying so I can hear His Voice, the Voice of Truth.  I'm praying for humility.  I'm praying for strength.  And I'm praying that I learn how to surrender it all at His feet, the small and the big, so I can be free...which is a million times better than being retired at the beach.  Amen!