I can't believe, today, I officially have 2 teens at home. My baby...Dylan, the one I, for some strange reason thought was going to remain a bouncy toddler forever, has reached that age of discovery and excitement which kids anxiously anticipate and parents absolutely dread.
I remember when he came to our lives...I felt so inadequately prepared to take care of that chubby, black-haired beauty, I didn't know what to do. He had needs I didn't know about. He had challenges I didn't begin to understand. I had shortcomings I wasn't aware of. I had issues I didn't want to face. Over the years, life with Dylan has been a complete adventure...a day-by-day learning experience...a journey I was not prepared for...
When we heard the calling to adopt, we pursued it with all our might. We jumped the hurdles. We completed the paperwork. We took on the financial burden. We moved ahead month after month, year after year, because we knew this was the path we were called to walk. Then, reality hit: life would never be the same once our treasured beloved came home.
It reminds me a little of life as a Christian. We hear the calling...a calling that we can't resist, so we answer it wholeheartedly, only to find out later that answering it represents a new life, a different way of walking, a whole other perspective invading our soul.
And it's all good! Until we get to a moment of truth when we stand face to face with the enemy, and his deceptive arguments, like flaming darts, start piercing our heart and shaking us to the core. As each lie of the devil finds its way into our mind, we start missing our old ways. We start feeling overcome by our insecurities. We begin to feel defeated by our sense of inadequacy. We simply allow ourselves to be deceived by the flawed claims of the one who wants to steal and destroy our souls...and we fall to the ground or hide from the One, the Only One who could sustain us and restore us.
At that point, in the darkness of our own self-pity and guilt, we have two choices: embrace defeat or embrace the open arms of Jesus. Often, I have chosen to wallow in sorrow and remain in darkness, hearing the lies of the enemy using my insecurities as a gong in my head that I cannot silence. But, the grace of Christ is stronger than my own desire to self-destruct, and unfailingly, faithfully and lovingly, He grabs me and pulls me up from the mud so I can stand on my feet again.
Little by little, Jesus has showed me the new way. Little by painfully little, Jesus has been scraping off my old-self, as He uncovers the new person He is determined I would be...the person I was always intended to be since before He even created the world.
Each passing day, month and year, the challenges of being Dylan's Mother pile up to create a seemingly insurmountable peak...but only if I forget the fact that Jesus is with me...only if I choose to remain in darkness and allow my false sense of defeat overcome me...only if I want to hang on to my old-self, refusing to embrace my new life in Christ.
The journey of being Dylan's Mom will continue for as long as I live...the journey of being Christ's child will never end...the challenges of both will also remain...but I will overcome, because He overcame. His grace covers a multitude of sins and it is eternally sufficient so even the worst of sinners, a wretch like me can be counted under those who belong to Him.
Happy Birthday Dylan, my love...thank you for being a constant source of learning...a constant pointer to the One Who made me.
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