Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Proverbs 21: 23 (ESV)
Why is it that often we hurt so deeply those whom we love the most?
I have asked myself this question for ever...and still, I have no answer for it. Do you? Do you ever wonder about that? Maybe you don't because you are not in the group who does. Maybe you are kind, forgiving, gentle and loving, joyful, peaceful, good and faithful always and to all, especially to your loved ones, so you have no clue what I'm talking about here...but it's important for you to know that there are some like me who aren't like that.
I struggle with my bad temper and with my unruly tongue. I have a bad reputation in my home. I love deeply, but, like my younger sons says, "I have too many emotions" and often they take control over me and I become someone I'm ashamed of.
Sigh...
I always watched those Moms who are so tender and gentle...whose voices are so sweet and melodious that even a reprimand sounds like a lullaby. I truly admire them...I envy them...They are like Snow White or Cinderella. You know, those old Disney Movie Fairy Tale Princesses? The ones who, though immersed in the saddest and harshest of circumstances, where always so delicate and soft. Not me...I could have never played dress-up and pretended to be one of them. I was always one of the ugly, clumsy and hardened step-sisters or Grumpy, the dwarf, at best.
The thing is, I'm full of pride.
Yes, that is the root of my harsh actions and unleashed tongue. I want to be respected. I want to be thought of as smart, wise, insightful, discerning. I want people to do what I say when I say it because I am convinced that I am right! And why not follow my commands? After all, their lives would be so much better if they did! I know better!
It's exhausting to be this great. Especially because it takes a lot of energy to try to make the entire world understand and appreciate my greatness.
Yes...I'm full of pride.
So, when people don't just act like puppets in my hands, I lose it. I become some kind of warmonger, and my weapons are my words.
I want to win so badly, that I totally forget Paul's admonition:
I have asked myself this question for ever...and still, I have no answer for it. Do you? Do you ever wonder about that? Maybe you don't because you are not in the group who does. Maybe you are kind, forgiving, gentle and loving, joyful, peaceful, good and faithful always and to all, especially to your loved ones, so you have no clue what I'm talking about here...but it's important for you to know that there are some like me who aren't like that.
I struggle with my bad temper and with my unruly tongue. I have a bad reputation in my home. I love deeply, but, like my younger sons says, "I have too many emotions" and often they take control over me and I become someone I'm ashamed of.
Sigh...
I always watched those Moms who are so tender and gentle...whose voices are so sweet and melodious that even a reprimand sounds like a lullaby. I truly admire them...I envy them...They are like Snow White or Cinderella. You know, those old Disney Movie Fairy Tale Princesses? The ones who, though immersed in the saddest and harshest of circumstances, where always so delicate and soft. Not me...I could have never played dress-up and pretended to be one of them. I was always one of the ugly, clumsy and hardened step-sisters or Grumpy, the dwarf, at best.
The thing is, I'm full of pride.
Yes, that is the root of my harsh actions and unleashed tongue. I want to be respected. I want to be thought of as smart, wise, insightful, discerning. I want people to do what I say when I say it because I am convinced that I am right! And why not follow my commands? After all, their lives would be so much better if they did! I know better!
It's exhausting to be this great. Especially because it takes a lot of energy to try to make the entire world understand and appreciate my greatness.
Yes...I'm full of pride.
So, when people don't just act like puppets in my hands, I lose it. I become some kind of warmonger, and my weapons are my words.
I want to win so badly, that I totally forget Paul's admonition:
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4: 29
I tear apart. I destroy. I crush. Then, when it is all over...I mourn. I weep. I regret.
Today, I pray that the Holy Spirit would be the one tearing apart, destroying and crushing the pride that has taken a stronghold in my heart, and free me from it so I can mourn, weep and regret no more.
If this is your struggle too, let's unite in prayer so the enemy would not continue to enslave us.
I know I will never be Snow White or Cinderella, but I know I don't have to be Grumpy or Griselda either. I just want to have a soul free from pride and stop stepping on those I care about the most...covered by His Banner that over me, is love.
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