The good news is, I don't have to get it. I don't have to question it. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to study it. I certainly can't avoid it. I really can't change it. I just have to accept it. It's the weather. It is its nature to change and fluctuate. If I don't like it right now, I just have to wait...because it will totally be different in a little while. I just have to have the endurance to stay put and the patience to wait.
The problem is, anyone who truly knows me is totally aware of my inability to endure the lightest of discomforts or/and exercise the tiniest bit of patience.
Sigh...
I am the kind of person who allows her circumstances to affect her emotions and actions. For example, there was an "incident" today at a store where someone felt like she needed to claim the spot in front of me in the checkout line, which she did, not without me silently shooting nuclear warheads of hate and anger to the back of her head. Not only I wanted to strangle her; but, as soon as there was a bit of space, I placed the heavy load I was carrying in my arms on the belt right beside where she was standing, giving her an ever so slightly but highly intentional shove, disregarding the social distance regulations and never mind saying "excuse me." Then, I respectfully backed away the necessary 6 feet, now arms free in case she decided to turned towards me and hit me with the gallon-sized bottle of water she was purchasing...I knew I could take her anytime!
Yep...
I didn't stop to think about anything. I felt disrespected and I instantaneously got angry. I didn't have the endurance to just let it go lightly nor the patience to consider she might have felt offended herself for something I might have done. I didn't have the resolve to find an avenue that would allow the situation to be dealt with in a positive and effective manner. I didn't have the stability of mind to just not allow her actions to bother me to the point of impacting my reaction. She did something that bothered me. Therefore, I did something I knew would bother her, back. I wanted to feel avenged. So I sought a way to do just that.
The sky got cloudy and I wanted it clear.
In reality, though, unless I accept the natural rhythm of the weather...my efforts to modify it will only work against me, as they will be fruitless and exhausting. I might have had a small victory at the store today: I sent my line nemesis a signal: "I can break you like a toothpick if I feel like it!" "The only reason you are still alive is because I'm feeling magnanimous, little lady!" But, deep inside of me, I felt like I betrayed my desire to be a better person by letting my impatience and pride take over. I forgot that the fulfillment of my deepest longings can only be found not in seeking them on my own, but in seeking His Face above all other things, and allowing Him to be the Lord and God of my life.
Sarah Young's devotional, Jesus Calling, reads today: "My world is filled with beautiful things; they are meant to be pointers to Me, reminders of My abiding Presence. The earth still declares My Glory to those who have eyes that see and ears that hear...I chose to pour My Light into you so that you can be a beacon to others. There is no room for pride in this position. Your part is to reflect My Glory. I am the Lord!"
I feel the soft caress of the breeze coming in the window and instantly feel refreshed. I look up at the intensely blue sky, and immediately rejoice. The earth does declare His Glory, indeed! Even when the days are grey, we know, underneath that thick layer of humidity and dark clouds there is a permanently blue sky. We know that in the darkness of the moment, His Light cannot be turned off. We know that even though we are broken, His Light shines through our cracks.
Regardless of the changes in the weather or in the climate of our circumstances, His Creation is still beautiful. And best of all, He is still in His Throne. It's just a matter of patience, endurance and trust. I just hope I remember that, next time I go back to the store.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in various trials, so that the proven character of your faith—more precious than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 1: 6-7
Gisela, I love this. I feel like I understand fully those feelings you were having. When I read your stories I see and hear so much of myself! Thank you!🙂
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