Am I Ready?

When one enters Grant's bedroom (now one can actually enter it since Dylan went into a cleaning and organizing frenzy a couple of weeks ago, fed up with Grant's...how shall I put it politely? shabby/chic mayhem...) it is impossible not to notice the incredible collection of books sitting on his shelves.  After going through a horrible phase that started around 3rd grade until about 6th grade, when he would not be caught dead touching a book...Grant discovered the joy of reading.  Now, he permanently has one, often two books going...always looking ahead, so when he finishes those in hand, he's already set for the next one(s).

Well...last night, he read the last page of one of the first milestone-chapters of the book of his life.

Grant's graduation cap & gown now hang in the melancholic light of our spare room as a testimony of what just happened mere hours ago:  my son is now ready to start the next one.

The question is:  Am I ready?

Of course not.  I know life will never be the same. It doesn't matter if every time I look at him I still see the young boy I used to pick up and squeeze in my arms, he is a young man now.  It doesn't matter that my heart still feels the same way it has felt ever since the very first instant I saw him...time has actually passed and soon he will be out of my daily embrace.  It doesn't matter that hearing his voice is like the oxygen to my lungs, and that the very thought of spending days without hearing him leaves me gasping for air...he will move on.  I know it, but I'm not ready.

However, today, looking out the window to yet another grey morning, I lift up my eyes to the Maker of Heaven and Earth, and praise His Holy Name for giving me the gift of a son that I can see graduate from High School and go onto college.  I praise Him for the blessing of having a part of me...the very best part...walk toward a future, that, though seemingly uncertain due to the uncertainty of the times we live in...will most definitely reveal the hand of God on the way that future opens up in front of him as the Holy Spirit guides Grant's every step.  I praise The Lord for bringing me to this day, when I can allow my soul to fight the inevitable while I loosen the tight grip and prepare to let him go.

I praise God for giving Grant an unforgettable commencement ceremony, special and unique.  I praise God for keeping us together.  I praise God for the memories.  I praise God for the laughter and the tears.  I praise God for the frustrations and the joy.  And I pray that it will all continue for countless years, even if on a modified way.

May God shower Grant's life with many blessings forever.  May the new book he has already picked out be ever more exciting, full of amazing adventures, fun, learning and discovery.  May love flourish.  May God keep you healthy, safe and strong.  May He open your eyes so you can see through the eyes of Jesus.  May the hand of Our Lord and Savior be always on you.  May your main goal be to follow Him.  As for me...I'll be OK...just like every other Mother who has ever been in my shoes before...God will patch up my broken heart and I, too, will move on, trusting His love for my son is biggest than my own.  In Christ's Precious Name.  Amen!