Strangest Days

 Why is it so hard to keep the smile on sometimes?  Why is it that so often the weight of the world suddenly seems to land on my shoulders…crushing me?  Why is it so difficult to just be content?

The days are so strange lately.  It feels as if the earth has changed its spin.  There’s been a shift that I can’t quite comprehend…let alone get used to it.  My surroundings seem unfamiliar.  And I refuse to just adapt.  I long for the stability of the old.  New scares me.  Change has always felt as if someone has removed the floor right from under my feet… and I’m just left falling into a bottomless void.

Everyone is so scared and confused.  I just want the quiet confidence of peace and trust.  Control is an illusion.  I must let go.  There is comfort in the realization that it is all out of my hands, but I’m not there yet.  My hands are still holding on in vain. 

In my mad rush to save my life, will I just lose it?   What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (Matthew 16: 24-27)  I’m so very deeply flawed.  Forgiveness is my only hope.  I hope in the Love, the most perfect Love that finds me and covers me in His perfection as He washes me clean.  The Love that calls me His own even when I don’t deserve it.  The Love who doesn’t charge me for my wrongdoings but pays my debt in full.  That's the love who gives me hope. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15.  It is my nature to do the wrong thing.  I hope in the Love who saves me from myself.  I trust His forgiveness…and I pray I can just let go.