Savor the Present

 Ever since I was young I've spent much of my time longing for things not yet here. I've always carried around a heart that feels in constant restlessness for the future. High School graduation, leaving off to college, having my own car, my own place, my own family, a different job, my next paycheck, the next vacation, the next house, I've had much trouble feeling satisfied with what I have.  Instead, I've always been looking for what's next.  I remember my constant perusal of the "want ads" every Sunday, carefully examining each and every job posting on the paper, imagining myself happy at my new position.  Now it's more the real estate listings.  I survey all potential houses, studying possibilities, dreaming of the excitement of putting together a new home.  It happens at work too. Every semester I endure "today" only because it leads to "tomorrow" and to the end of it...so the new one can start.

Neurotic?  Quite a bit, yes. But there's very little I feel I can do to fight these urges, which diminish my peace and leaving constantly wanting...

God is working in me, though...I can feel it.  Or maybe it is that I'm getting old and growing tired of my restless pursuit of things to come.  Or maybe both.  Perhaps, the Lord is using the years...the same years that have passed me by so very quickly in my distraction, those very years that have disappeared in front of my eyes in my obsession with the future, to teach me a lesson or two.  

Time has been flying by way too fast and I haven't been paying attention.  Only when I look at my sons I see it...or when I look in the mirror...I've wasted so much time with my eyes on what's next...that I've missed many aspects of today.  

But the Lord is Faithful and Merciful.  He knows exactly what we need and He provides it at the exact right moment.  He tames wild hearts and He quiets anxious souls.  He fills us up with His peace as we trust Him and relinquish control onto His hands.  I sit in silence, and realize my restlessness has somehow began to tone down a bit.  I might be finally beginning to learn the lesson of receiving the gift of today gratefully, like my devotional said a couple of days ago..."unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths"...finding Him as I savor my present.

I want to be mindful of my now.  I don't want to let it slip away without me noticing. I pray the Lord continues to hold my hand, causing me to slow down...and ease into the moment savoring all its flavors.  In the Precious Name of The One Who Walks with us today and every day.  Amen!