Not by my will, but by His Might!

I can't believe it just got so dark in here.  A minute ago I had to close the shutters because the sun was hitting my eyes, and now, I have to open them because all the light is gone.  Dark clouds cover the sky...yuk... a thought pops into my mind:  I have NO will-power.  That is a truth about me that I try to hide as best as I can.  The thing is, the person I try to hide this truth from the most is myself.  But, then, the truth comes out and it explodes in my face, leaving me disheartened.  Like, when I'm sitting in my reclining chair at night, watching a show, feeling and looking totally bloated after devouring a thousand snacks...because I was hungry and didn't have the will-power to say NO to myself.

UGH!

I don't know where I'm going with these thoughts.  The only thing I know is that I'm not feeling particularly in-love with myself this afternoon. Perhaps, it's the fact that Grant left for work today, which means I won't see him more than Saturday nights, and after having him home for a month, I'm feeling deflated by seeing he is gone again.  Maybe, it's the fact that work is consuming me and I feel like I'm drowning.  I also think the fact that Dylan is running in 3 different directions today (which means I have to drive him) is particularly stressing me out right now. Or, it might be that I feel trapped in my clothes because of all the weight I've gained lately due to the fact that I can't muster the will-power to stop eating, precisely because I have NO will-power!

Sigh...

I look out the window and see that the dark clouds have actually gone away, leaving room for the blue skies to shine again.  Then, another thought pops into my mind out of nowhere: whatever is causing me to be unhappy with myself today is not powerful enough to destroy a truly fundamental truth:  I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength...in Christ who makes all things new. (Philippians 4: 13, Revelations 21: 5)

Just like the blue skies are always there, even when they are covered by dark clouds, Jesus is always in me, in the Person of the Holy Spirit, even when I allow my mind to go to all my dark places.  I know my lack of will-power often drags me down to the pit, leaving me emotionally deflated. But I also know that Christ's Powerful Hand is always extended towards me, to lift me up, and to bring me out, where I can breathe again. Not even my non-existing will-power can erase that...because it is not about me or about what I do.  It is all about Him and about what He has done and continues to do for me...for us.  It is not by my will.  It is by His Might!  It's not by my will that things might happen.  It's by His Might that they get done!