Restlessness

 I often wrestle with my restless spirit.  The peace of contentment evades me and my mind wanders aimlessly in the emptiness of what ifs.  My heart does not profit from this, and I'm left with nothing but exhaustion. And again...here I am.

Maybe it's the gloomy coldness of rainy days below 60 degrees...maybe it's the lack of vitamin D.  Maybe it's loneliness.  Maybe it's idleness of the soul.  Maybe I just miss home.  I'm not sure what triggers it, but in moments like this, only one expression seems to fit: blah.

I have things to do but nothing inspiring.  I just got done packing my office at work.  Each box signifying the end of an era and the beginning of something new...and I'm not 100% sure it will be all good.  A hesitant first step indicates that there is no turning back...and I'm glad, but at the same time, I worry...I hope I made the right choice...I hope this move helps us survive...I hope the remedy doesn't end up fully destroying us. 

I feel a weight lifting off from my shoulders, but another one descending. The weight of uncertainty can be a heavy one to carry. 

What's left for me to do?

I'm not sure, but I know where to find answers.  I go to the place in Scripture in which I usually hang out in my times of deepest anguish and anxiety: The Psalms.  Maybe King David, a man after God's own heart, who was not a stranger to anguish and persecution can give me some guidance today once again.  And as I search, I land on Psalm 27... and this is what the blessed words say:  

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.


One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.


Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.


Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.


I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

It is impossible to comment on this master piece in one post.  So, I will take my time going verse by verse in the coming days to see where The Holy Spirit leads...as I wait for the Lord in all hope, anticipation and trust! Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19: 14