Ugly Feet

 I don't like many things about my body.  The list is very long and I don't want to get into details, but I just wanted to mention one body part that I have been self-conscious about since I was a teen: my feet.  I used to get teased about them.  They are way too large, sweaty, smelly, semi-deformed.  My toes look more like fingers, and since I've broken a few of them because in my clumsiness...they are crooked and disgusting. 

At any rate.  I have never gotten a pedicure because I don't want to subject anyone to have to deal with my feet.  It would just be too humiliating, so I keep saying, no thanks!  I can only imagine the kind of conversations the pedicurists would exchange after I'm gone: did you see "Mrs. big foot" there? Her feet are so huge we needed a towel for each toe!

No thank you!

...so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13: 4-5

Dear Lord, I am so not worth it.  I am so not worth Your incredible act of service towards those who like me do not deserve it.  To see You in such a humble position, washing my dirty, ugly, nauseating feet.  I cannot fathom it.  I'm sure I would have joined Peter in saying, Lord,  “you shall never wash my feet.” (John 13: 8) Only to be rebuked by Jesus, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” (John 13: 8b)

And that's where we are at.  Unless Jesus washes us, we have no part with Him.  So, Lord, I pray You will come into my heart and wash me from the inside out, all of me, all the way down to my revolting feet, so I can be with You...so I can be a part of You...so I can enter into Your Holy Sanctuary fully restored. 

Thank you, Lord Jesus for everything.  May we be able to walk into Your presence with clean souls, clean hearts, clean minds, clean spirits and yes, even, clean feet.  Amen!

Our Blessed Hope

 Today was such a wonderful day!  I can't believe Dan and I were actually able to go for a walk around our neighborhood.  It feels like it's been such a long winter.  Even though it was pretty mild...it just felt long and exhausting. I know tomorrow is supposed to rain and all that jazz. But today...ahhh...what a tall and refreshing glass of pure anticipation for better things to come!

The warmth of the sunshine filled my heart with the yearning of spring, the season of renewal, the season of rebirth. In this Holy Week, as we are entering the days of remembrance of what Our Lord, Jesus, the Messiah, The Christ sent by God the Father, did for us making this season also the season of hope.

As I was thinking of this I looked over a pile of papers on my messy work station here at home, and I saw a church bulletin from a few Sunday's ago where I had scribbled on the sermon notes the diagram that our Pastor has been sharing with us to train us on how to talk to others about God's plan of salvation.  The diagram goes something like this

Taken from https://friendshipwired.com/3circles

The diagram is meant to be a simple way to share the good news of salvation with unbelievers and those who have never heard about God's plan for us.  I'm not sure I have ever gotten it right...but it goes something like this:  It starts with God's perfect design for humanity, but then, we tend to run toward sin which causes brokenness and interruption of the unfolding of that perfect design.  The way to be made whole again is through repentance and believe as we dive into the Gospel where Jesus' death and resurrection restores us and redeems us so we can get back on track again into God's plan. 

I love the diagram and I pray the Holy Spirit gives me the courage to use it someday.  But what caught my attention on that paper was something I had written above the diagram and enclosed in a frame.  I usually do that as a way to highlight ideas I want to be able to find easily later as I review my typically scattered and hard-to-read, semi-pathetic efforts at note-taking.  Anyway, the words I frame were:  This is the Hope.

I'm not sure why I phrased it that way.  I'm not sure I like it, to tell you the truth.  It kind of sounds like wishful thinking rather than certainty.  Today, I'd like to amend my editorial comment and take out the "the."  God's plan depicted on the three circle diagram is not "the" Hope.  God's restoring master design is Hope itself, or Himself, I should say.  It is pure and unadulterated Hope, because Hope is Jesus.  Our Great God and Savior, Jesus Christ is Our Blessed Hope. (Titus 2: 13)

Just as I inhale the last few rays of today's sunshine, my cup runs over with Hope not just for the beauty of nature awaking from its winter slumber, but with true Hope, the one that Only comes from Him, Our Hope of glory.  In the precious Name Above All Names.  Amen!

How Can It Be?

 I read a beautifully written study on the biblical truth expressed in the hymn "And Can It Be That I Should Gain?" by Charles Wesley, one of the fathers of the Methodist church.  Charles Wesley wrote about 6,000 hymns some of which are song across denominations from Christmas to Easter and everything in between.  Among the most famous of Wesley's hymns we have "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" the quintessential Easter song and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" its Christmas counterpart.  

Though "And Can It Be That I Should Gain?" is not as universally recognized as the above mentioned, it is a most profound reflection on what Jesus truly did for us.  It is where Christmas and Easter collide.  It is a scandalous meditation on the impact of the Incarnation and the Crucifixion.   Like the writer of the devotional I read today said, "This hymn expresses old truths being perceived anew, amid surprise and astonishment.  Indeed, Wesley's words of faith are expressed in questions of "unbelief" - of incomprehension, amazement.  "how could this be true? How could the sacrifice of Christ apply not only to others but to me?"

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior's blood
Died He for me, who caused His pain
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be
That Thou, my God, should die for me?

And then, the song's repeated underlying question-a vast and cosmic one - a question about the Incarnation and the Cross, about Christmas and Easter,

Amazing love! How can it be
That Thou, my God, should die for me?

('Tis Mystery All! by J. Todd Billings in The Wondrous Cross.  Reflections on Christ's Sacrifice Drawn from the Songs and Hymns of Easter.)

And that is the question: who am I to be loved by God?

I do not deserve Him.  I do not deserve Him making such a precious sacrifice for me.  I am the worst sinner.  I am one of His accusers.  I am one of His deniers.  How could He want me to the point of dying for me?

I don't know.

All I know is that, "...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Roman 5: 8 And that includes you and me.

It's a mystery, indeed-A blessed mystery for which I am eternally grateful- It is the mystery of His Saving Grace, and I don't question it, I surrender to it and praise Him.  In His Awe-Inspiring Name, in wonder and bewilderment I pray.  Amen!

Striving to Live by the Spirit

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5: 25

"How do we live by the Spirit?"

This was the question our Pastor asked tonight at our last Lent-meditation event at church.  As I was helping out in the kitchen, the question resonated in my mind.  I got distracted with the tasks at hand, so I tucked away the question among the sloppy joe and chicken salad sandwiches, the coleslaw, apple sauce, cakes and dirty dishes.  Now that I'm back home, though, the question resurfaced: "How do we live by the Spirit?"

This wasn't a rhetorical question.  It was meant to be answered.  The first thing that I thought was: listen.  To live by the Spirit I must listen to the voice of the Spirit speaking to me from my heart.  It is difficult, though.  There are so many other voices clamoring for my attention, work being a pretty loud one.  I'm so distracted by the screams for attention that come from the general direction of my office that I often spend most of my days enslaved to  all the things I have to do for it.  Family responsibilities also speak very loudly in my life.  At the end of the day, then, I'm so tired that many times I just collapse in bed without having spent any quality time listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit in me.  Therefore, neither living by the Spirit nor keeping in step with the Spirit are a consistent reality in my journey of faith.

What to do?

Can I just quit my job? and my family?

Well...not really...

I just need to pray that the same Holy Spirit I'm neglecting, guides me and helps me become organized so I can get my priorities straight.  I need a job and I need to tend to my family, but spending time with My Lord is above both of these.  In order to divide my time in a way that is in accordance with God's will, I must place myself in His hands.  "Your will be done," Lord as I recognize Your #1 ranking among all that is important to me in life.  You are My Father in Heaven.  Praised be Your Holy Name.  Your Kingdom comes and Your will is done on earth in heaven and in me.  All the rest is up to You.  All the rest is in Your care.

If I can remember this, I will be able to live by and keep in step with the Spirit.  A way to assure I will remember is by staying in Scripture on a daily basis, listening to what the Spirit has to say and obeying it.  

May the Holy Spirit open up the pathways for us to live by and keep in step with Him.  The Holy Guide and Counselor.  Our Helper and Comforter.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

May Peace Rule Over Our Hearts

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3: 15

Too often I allow bad things to rule in my heart.  I used to think that I couldn't control it, that the heart had a mind of its own...well...it's not so.  Paul tells us very clearly in Colossians 3: 15 that we are to "let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts."  We let it.  We intentionally open the door of our heart to let Christ's peace enter and take over.  It doesn't happen by magic.  Christ's peace is a gift, a most precious gift (John 14: 27) but we have to receive it.  What good is a gift if we don't take it and open it and use it?  So there is an active role we need to play in the path to peace...we have to let it rule our hearts...we were called to it. 

I love how this verse ends on a seemingly unrelated note:  "And be thankful."  It is not unrelated, though.  Not even a little bit, for we ought to be thankful indeed, for the peace we are given.  The gift of peace is a most precious thing.  What are we without Christ's peace?  I don't know about you, but I would be a shapeless mess.  

I still struggle with the things I let in my heart.  I still struggle with anxious thoughts that threaten to rob me of my gift to which I am called.  But Praise the Lord, it is by His grace that He brings me back to His arms where the river of peace flows and covers me in a current that surpasses my understanding.  Blessed be His Holy Name, for Jesus is Peace and in Him we rest.  Amen!

Seeing His Signs

 I have been frustrated with my students lately...actually...I've been frustrated with my students for what is becoming a seriously long time now.  I don't like feeling this way because it affects my teaching and my rapport with them. But...o boy...it is getting harder and harder to relate to them and to be patient.  They live in a world that I just do not understand.  Their struggles were not my struggles when I was their age.  Their delights were not my delights either.  I have a really hard time trying to figure out what they want.  I have no clue how to engage them.  I feel defeated most of the time...thinking that they either hate me or think so little of me that hating me would take too much effort...effort that they don't want to invest in me or in anything I have to say, so they just ignore me.  If they feel anything is probably indifference.

Sigh...

I'm not the only educator around me who feels this way.  I was talking to one of my colleagues today and I said, "boy, professors need to have like a support group so we can help each other figure out how to survive!"

Anyway, my point is, work is making my days pretty dull and rather miserable.  Maybe I'm just too old to do this.  I probably should retire soon.  I don't want to feel this way, though.  I don't want to just "survive" my days.  I love my profession.  I spent a lot of years going around in circles professionally until I found something I truly enjoyed.  So I want to have a better attitude, but I need help.  And I'm afraid the help I really need is not going to come from a professors' support group that is going to do nothing but feed my own grudges and frustrations with the kindle that they will add to the already hot fire burning in me.

What I need is perspective.  What I need is the Holy Spirit's help.

Today's devotional said:  "Signs of My Presence brighten even the dullest day when you have eyes that really see.  Search for Me as for hidden treasure.  I will be found by you."  (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young).

The biblical reference is Jeremiah 29: 13-14a,

13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,”

What a great promise by Our Almighty God! If we seek Him with all our heart, we WILL find Him.  Alleluia!  Now, let's get busy seeking Him.  And where do we find Him?  Well, all around!  Signs of His presence are everywhere, if we look with eyes that are focused and intentionally set on finding Him.  His presence is in nature, in the people He places around us, in our thoughts, in Scripture.  His presence is in the things, people and events that we encounter on a daily basis.  If we pay attention, we will see His Hand in everything.  The problem is, often, we are too distracted.  At least I am.  Today, for instance, I actually had a couple of students saying really kind things to me and expressing their gratitude for being accommodating to their needs.  When that happened, I didn't think anything of it and I continued with my usual grumpiness...until now...

My eyes weren't seeking to really see the wonders of Our Lord and how He lifts us up.  His gifts and signs are lost because we refuse to have a perspective of love. It wasn't until He reminded me through the devotional, that He places signs of His Presence along the paths of our days to brighten our existence, that I was able to look back and realize I did have precious instances of those signs today.

I pray that the Holy Spirit allows me to be more aware and to be more intentional about my seeing so I stop missing the fulfillment of His promises in my life.  In the Precious Name of the One Who Is Found by Us when we Seek Him with all our hearts.  Amen!

Prowling around...looking for someone to devour

I watched the video from the security cameras at the Covenant School in Nashville, TN where another tragic shooting took place this week.  The shooter took the lives of precious, innocent children who didn't have anything to do with whatever demons were in this person's head.  The shooter also took the lives of adults, equally innocent...

The video shows the moment the perpetrator shoots the glass doors of the school from the outside.  The view of glass exploding on the impact and shattering is mind boggling, but soon we see the perpetrator entering through the holes on the doors, and proceeding to walk the hallways.  That's when the sinister nature of the events begins to truly unfold.  

It is impossible not to sense the eerie feelings as we watch the shooter calmly walk up and down the hallways of the school, going into what looked like the main office and coming back out into the hallway again, rifle in hand, ready to shot at the first sight of life.  The last part of the video shows the shooter walking down a long hallway until it disappears from sight in the distance.

There's no actual shooting in the video...just the calculated calmness of a person prowling around...looking for someone to devour.

It felt like evil was there.  It felt like the enemy was in charge.  The images gave me a vivid representation of what Peter meant when he wrote,

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5: 8b

This verse has such an ominous feel to it.  It always gives me the creeps.  It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up just by reading it.  Unfortunately, the verse came to life in a horrific way in the events at the Covenant School. This is not the first time these types of incidents have happened, as we all know, but it is certainly the first time I had seen the shooter in the school roaming the hallways, stalking their victims...It is an entirely different and deeply disturbing experience to see that.  I cried watching it.  I cried watching the school, the beautifully decorated bulletin boards, the classrooms, the lockers, the backpacks, all the surroundings that are supposed to be safe for our children to go and dream about their futures...being desecrated...defiled by pure evil...

What is left for us to do?

Peter says, we must be "alert and of sober mind" since these occurrences are and will continue to happen all throughout the world.  But he also gives us hope.  And it is to that hope that we have to hold on to with all we've got.  We have to hang on to the hope that tells us that,

...the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5: 10

Dear Lord, please help us to trust You and to hang on to the hope that You bring.  Help us as we travel through this valley of darkness and sorrow, that we may endure the suffering for a little while, knowing You are with us and that at the end, we will be glorified.  We overcome, because You have overcome.  In Your hands we place our lives.  Amen.