Slow Down and Recharge

Well, we have arrived at the middle of the "MomStrong" Bible Study, and we are about the enter two topics that make me frazzled, flustered and anxious:  forgiveness and pruning.

Don't get me wrong.  I love the idea of forgiveness: when it means I'm forgiven! When it comes to me forgiving others or, most of all, myself...that's when it gets tricky for me...hence the anxiety and frustration.  It's the same with pruning.  Though I'm NO gardener, I know what pruning means in the Bible: to cut off.  Just as in gardening and agriculture, which, again, I know nothing about, pruning is necessary in our lives as Christians to keep our growth stable and stimulated as well as to remove what is dead or diseased:

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. John 15: 2

The problem is...often, I find it very hard to differentiate that which is dead or diseased from what is healthy, beautiful and necessary.  Worse yet, I have a hard time accepting the second part of this concept:  "every branch that bears fruit, He prunes so that it may bear more fruit..." WHAT'S. UP. WITH. THAT?

Sigh...

Hence, my anxiety and fear when it comes to thinking about pruning.

This is why, before I enter into these challenging topics, I'd like to pause and reflect on the words of my devotional reading today:

"Trust ME in the depths of your being.  It is there that I live in constant communication with you.  When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself.  You are only human, and the swirl of events going on all around you will sometimes feel overwhelming.  Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you...my peace is your continual experience.  Slow down your pace of living for a time.  Quiet your mind in my Presence.  Then, you will be able to hear Me bestowing the resurrection blessing:  Peace be with you!" (Sarah Young's Jesus Calling)

It is a matter of Trusting the One Who is in control...and that is not us, but Our Lord.

In this time of heightened anxiety, fear, frustration and confusion, when we feel frazzled and flustered, overwhelmed by the demands of life, work, motherhood...let's be intentional about hitting the pause button often, to find the time to be still and listen to His voice.  I pray that today and throughout what is left of this week and of the summer season, we are able to be intentional about slowing down, even if for a short moment, to truly be in that moment, at peace with Our Lord. This will help us recharge our batteries to be able to face the road ahead, always mindful that He walks with us.  Amen!

The Solid Rock

"Change is inevitable..."
How many times have we heard this expression?
What kind of reaction does this thought evoke on a person?
Well, on this person, I'll tell you, it evokes nervousness.  Why?  Because I don't like change!  Why don't I like it? because it implies that something unknown is coming.  And I like to always have a sense of control over everything around me...and I find it very hard to control that which I don't know...

One moment I'm cruising through life.  Everything is right with the world...then...BAM! The earth shakes, someone removes the floor from beneath my feet, and I don't even know where I am anymore.  It has happened to me countless of times.  There's the small-scale tremors: I can't find the keys to my car and I have to cancel class because I can't get to work.  The article I spent a tremendous amount of time writing and editing did not get published.  The trip to the lake we planned gets cancelled because somebody is not feeling well...  And...there's the full-out, red-alert, life altering earthquakes:  I'm moving to the United States for good, leaving my family, my friends, my country, my life behind.  I get a phone call that my Mom is gone. I get a phone call that I'm not pregnant. I get a phone call that my Father-in-Law is tragically gone. I get a phone call that my Dad is gone.  I get a phone call that I might have cancer.  I get a phone call that my husband lost his job...have I mentioned how much I DETEST phone calls?!

Sigh...

Change causes a great amount of instability that someone like me has very little tolerance for.  I spend a significant part of my life trying to create an environment that seems firm, a ground that is solid so I can stand unafraid of sudden movement and change.  I don't want to live in California because I'm deathly afraid of the San Andreas fault line!  So, I go out of my way to try to stack all the pieces of my life together in a way that gives me the appearance of stability...until something changes when I'm not paying attention and...everything I spent so much time and effort building, falls apart.

What am I supposed to do?  How can someone like me survive her walk through the valley of the shadows of death?  Where do I find something/someone to cling to that will keep my head above water? Where do I find my guarantee? Who can I can rely on, that will never change or leave me?  Well, there's only One who will fulfill all my longings for reliability, stability and unchangeability: you guessed it, not me, not my husband not my children or my friends or my parents or anyone on this side of eternity!  The Lord is the Only One who will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31: 8).

He is my only Solid Rock!  He is my Strength! 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,

my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18: 2

He is the One constant in my life, the One who never changes! (Malachi 3: 6)

He is the One who remains Faithful, even when I'm not! (2 Timothy 2: 13)

He is the One who even after everything else fades, withers and dies, still stays by me, sustaining me! (Isaiah 40:8)

He is the Same today, yesterday and forever! (Hebrews 13: 8)

He is the One who calls me by my name! (Isaiah 43: 1) And He is the One who speaks to me through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions and most of all, His Word! So His is the only voice I must listen to...for I am His own.  

On Him I stand, On Christ the Solid Rock!  For all other ground is just sinking sand...

Do I get nervous about change?  Do I dislike the reality of the inevitability of change in life?  Yes and yes! But I also rest in the knowledge of His immovability.  I rest in the knowledge of His strength.  I rest in the knowledge of His sufficiency.  His Grace sustains me and His Word equips me to stay the course.  Therefore, when the ground shakes and everything in me quakes, threatening my sinking, I seek Him first with all my whole being until I feel His Hand steading me, reaching down from on high taking hold of me, pulling me out of the deep waters and rescuing me...until the day He brings me to that spacious place of peace and comfort. (Psalm 18: 16-19)

I trust His love, and how it endures forever!

So even though change makes me tremble, His presence steadies me and His love supports me.  Praised be His Name!  I love You, Lord Jesus! Amen!

17 

Judgemental or Discerning: Part 2

Are we to call out others for their sin?

Are we to hold unbelievers accountable for values they know nothing about?

Are we not called to judge?

These are the questions I left hanging and unaddressed yesterday...so today, in this blessed, sunny, gorgeous morning, I'd like to ponder a bit about them.

My initial, great insight is:  I'm confused...sigh...

I've always wondered about this issue of judging.  So, when people ask me, I pause (which, for me, is incredibly rare!  I never pause!  I always blurt out an enormous amount of babble when given the chance...this is one of the few topics I hesitate to offer my opinion too readily.) 

Anyway, the most commonly cited Scripture regarding judging might be Matthew 7: 1

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

When I read these words spoken by our Lord Jesus, I shudder.  Lord, have mercy on me!  I am so judgemental!  But, I don't want to be judged...especially not by Christ! I'm in big trouble...

Needless to say, I think of this verse and I get swallowed up by guilt, and darkness threatens to cover the sunshine in my soul.  Then, I remember that feelings of intense guilt are not necessarily always from God. I remember it's a semantics thing.  There are two words that have an important difference in meaning at place here:  guilt and conviction. The guilt that moves me away from the Lord and pushes me to hide behind the bushes like Adam and Eve is a tool of the enemy.  Conviction, on the other hand, is what exposes me to my sin, but it moves me to repentance, which, in turn, moves me closer to God, not away.

Like the Holman Bible Dictionary suggests, conviction of sin is the result of the Holy Spirit awakening humanity to a sense of the need to repent because of sin and unbelief.  But the end result of conviction is hope, not despair.  As seen in John 16: 7-11

7 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8 When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:9 about sin, because people do not believe in me; 10 about righteousness,because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer;11 and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned. 

In this passage, Jesus is talking to His disciples about His imminent departure from the world, but how instead of grief, they should feel joy because of the advent of the Holy Spirit.  And notice how it is precisely the Holy Spirit, the One who will carry out the conviction.  That's the awakening to the reality of sin in the world.  The Holy Spirit will show the world that it has been wrong about its interpretation of sin!  Did you see that?  The Holy Spirit is the One who shows the world how wrong it has been because of the lack of belief in Jesus! WOW!

Then, the Holy Spirit will also show the world that it has been wrong in its judgement, because the one the world worships: the prince of this world, the devil...is actually already condemned, and there is the hope.  Yes, there is sin, but judgement has been passed and those found in Jesus are not condemned, but the ones following the prince of the world are.

Sobering, indeed...

Therefore, there is a difference between enemy-induced guilt and Holy Spirit-inspired conviction, and the key is that the first one leads to moving away from God and the second one leads to the Hope that is Jesus! 

On the same token, I believe there is a difference between the ideas of being judgemental and being discerning.  The way I understand it, it's a matter of perspective... I believe judgement belongs to God and discernment is for us.  

The concept of judgement is linked to God, and like Biblestudytools.com says, judgement denotes the process whereby a verdict is reached or the verdict itself.  This notion is bound up with the notions of justice and righteousness, which are of fundamental importance for biblical faith.  Discernment, on the other hand is the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong.  Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth.  In other words, the ability to think with discernment is synonymous with an ability to think biblically. (Christianity.com)

Judgement, therefore, belongs to God.  Discernment is what we, His children, are called to do.  Think about it, God doesn't need discernment.  He IS Truth!  And we can't judge, because we don't have the ability to condemn or absolve anybody.  That power belongs to God, and to Him alone.  Discernment, on the other hand, is not only required of the children of God, but we are supposed to pray for it and ask for it.  This is just a short sample Scriptures on the matter:

Give discernment to me, your servant; then I will understand your laws. Psalm 119:125 (NLT)

O Lord, listen to my cry; give me the discerning mind you promised. Psalm 119:169 (NLT)

…People without discernment are doomed. Hosea 4:14 (HCSB)

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2 (HCSB)

At any rate, going back to the questions at the beginning, I would say, yes, discernment involves a measure of judgement. After all, figuring out right from wrong involves judging, good judgement if you will. But the implication of judgement as perceived from the Word of God, the idea of reaching a verdict that defines and determines the destiny of a soul, does not fall under our job description as children of God. That judgement falls on God's shoulders...Praise Him for that!  That doesn't mean, however, that we excuse sin when we see it or when we do it.  We can't compromise our believes.  We can't say sin is OK.  So...what do we do?

I don't know...the word "balance" comes to mind.  I believe we are to seek a balanced attitude, where wisdom and discernment, with a large measure of compassion and love guide the way we approach situations of sin when others are involved and we don't know how to react without sounding judgemental.  I believe compassion will lead us to try to see the perspective from where the other is coming, not to agree with him/her on the normalization and rationalization of sin; but to understand the reason for their position.  The end goal here is not for them to convince us that sin is OK or for us to convince them that sin is not OK.  The end goal is to understand, out of love and compassion for their souls, why they do what they do.  Then, our testimony comes into place.  After all, "the accuser," the enemy, the prince of this world, is ultimately defeated:  

...by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony... Revelations 12: 11

 Out testimony is a powerful thing!  The enemy doesn't want us to use it because he knows it is a lethal weapon.  That's why he makes us shy away from giving it freely.  But if we get the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and just tell others about the truth that lives in us, who can refute it?  It is our personal story and nobody can argue with that.  The most they could say is:  "well, good for you, but that's not for me."  And that is OK.  At least we planted the seed.

We'll continue this conversation later.  For now, let's just pause, take some time and seek discernment so we can hear the voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to us on this topic.  We are the generation that has to deal with some of these issues in ways that no other one has had to...so I know the Holy Spirit is speaking to us.  It's just a matter of quieting our souls and our fears, so we can listen.  We are the ones called to live in such a time as this...so He will lead us.  There's no question about it!

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6: 8

Judgemental or Discerning? Part 1

Are we to call out others for their sin?

Are we to hold unbelievers accountable for values they know nothing about?

Are we not called to judge?

These are the questions of the current generation of Christians who try to navigate the confusing waters of today's society.  We don't want to offend anybody.  We don't want to contribute to the confirmation of the bad reputation that pop-culture has created of Christians as intolerant.  We want to show Christ's love for others in our actions and attitudes.  We don't want to be perceived as judgemental.  We want to keep the peace.

However, it gets really tricky when all those desires conflict with our need to be able to uphold our Christian values...

Lord, have mercy on us!  This is the generation for such a time as this (Esther 4: 14), indeed.  There's no precedent to what we are witnessing in our society, yet, we are not only to know how to be in the world without being of it, but raise our kids to discern right or wrong when the lines are so very blurred!

Can I just build a worl-resistant bubble where to keep my family protected from all that is going on out there?  Can I just isolate myself and my family?  Can I live off-the-grid so nothing touches me other than God's creation?

Are these the questions of someone living in fear?

I agonized about the idea of sending my sons to public school after being immersed in the beautiful environment of Christian education.  The very first year we moved them, Grant was entering the 6th grade and Dylan the 1st.  Not only were they going to switch from Christian to Public school...but we had also moved to another town outside our current school district.  Everything was new, and the shock was great, especially for Grant.  He endured, what we believe must have been the most difficult year of his life yet (I forgot to mention, that's the year I got diagnosed with thyroid cancer and my husband got laid off from work too).  However, the decision to place them in public school was made and we stuck to it.

I don't know what life would be like for Grant, had he stayed in Christian school all the way through (I forgot to mention he is about to start his senior year now...gulp).  All I know is that I am mighty proud of the young man he is.  He drives me insane most of the time, and I know the experience marked him forever to the point that it still impacts the way he feels about himself...but he has been able to learn that the world is not a wading pool where we all get along and have sameness in their views, values and opinions.  He has learned that it's tough to be who you want to be when nobody else around you is like that.  But he has also learned that God is with him regardless of where he is at, and that God places his angels on his path so he doesn't have to feel all alone.

I also know that there is not a day that goes by without me praying for Grant and Dylan's protection and for God to surround them with Christian people wherever they go.  I pray for Jesus to reveal Himself to my boys and show them the way to follow Him regardless of what the world may say or how badly it might try to pull them away from their Lord.  I pray, and pray and pray some more for Grant and Dylan to know Christ.  And I don't know I ever was so intentional and fervent on my prayers for them while they were in Christian school...

I don't want to live in fear.  I want to always remember that God is on His Throne! and that He is in control, regardless of how confused I am and how scary the world has become.

I want to hold on to the promise of peace like a river (Isaiah 66: 12)...notice, He didn't say, peace like a puddle... I want to have His peace transcend all understanding and to guard my heart and my mind as well as those of my loved ones, forever in Christ Jesus! (Philippians 4:7). So I can walk without fear...I want the Holy Spirit to guide my every step and every decision I make, so even though some may be extremely hard, I may have peace that they were guided by the mind of God. 

Christian School v. Public School is a personal debate; and one that has to be conducted under the leading of the Holy Spirit.  As for us, I have been able to enjoy the blessings of both, and for that I am eternally grateful...even though I still panic once in a while...

Anyway...I totally digressed from my original intention on this post.  But I will address the questions at the beginning on the next one because this one is already too long :)

For now, may the Lord help us not to become weary in doing good...and in our trust in Him..., for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up! (Galatians 6: 9)

Dealing with Rejection

"He called me 'Indian' and I got mad at him...but then, I found out that I am Mayan and that they were pretty smart and fierce, so I guess it's OK he called me that..."

Is there anything harder than to witness the suffering of one's own children?

Every hint of pain that a person endures, is felt with double intensity by the heart of his/her mother.  It's just the way it is.  There's no way around it.  That's why Mothers are wired to protect their children.  Because, in a way, we are protecting our own vulnerabilities.  Therefore, when author Heidi St. John says in her book Becoming MomStrong that today's Mothers have to do something that the previous generations didn't have to worry about, my attention heightened.  What she says is that we have to prepare our kids to face rejection.

Wow...

Just the thought of my boys being rejected feels like a knife in my heart.  How could anybody reject them?  It's impossible!  They're the best!  In reality, however, she is right.  Nobody is everybody's cup of tea always.  There will always be people who are not going to like my sons.  There will be people who are not going to love all their ideas, looks, personalities, opinions, attitudes, words, beliefs...and they will encounter rejection. 

Even though our society marches to the battle song of "tolerance," people are very intolerant.  Tolerance, as preached by our society only means: we tolerate you as long as you share and advance our views; but if you see the issues at hand from a different perspective, you're a bigot!"

Growing up in a Christian environment and with Christian values, means that my sons will be at odds with many of the things our society and culture finds tolerable.  Therefore, rejection will be a reality for them.  How do we train them for that?  How do we teach them how to stay true to what they believe with love, grace, strength and respect? 

I have no idea...

As a teenager who wants to fit in and just be the same as everybody else around him, even though he knows he is different in many, many ways, Dylan is struggling.  His insecurities show up in his obsession with his appearance.  "I just want to be cool!" He says.  "It helps me be more confident," he admitted.  How do I counter that?  I want him to be confident too.  I want him to feel secure on who he is.  I want him to feel that he is just as good as any of the kids around him.  But, how do you explain to a 13-year-old that our identity comes from Christ, not from Adidas?  How do I make it sink in that God's opinion is the only one that matters?

We have talked about the irrelevance of outer looks and the importance of cultivating the spirit.  But, when kids at school use the term "Indian" as a derogatory name to make him feel belittled...Dylan's defense is to find comfort on the expensive logo printed on his tennis shoes. 

"Yes, you are of Mayan descent. And that should make you proud.  The Mayans were the smartest of all civilizations of native-Americans! (I know...it might be a bit of hyperbole; but they were pretty amazing!)  They knew most of the stuff the Europeans knew.  They were strong and fierce.  And you do have all that in your blood too!  And, on top of that, you are a child of God.  You are the son of the King! Nothing is more important than that!"  I have said these things to Dylan many times.  But, he still doubts.  He still finds tangible things more reassuring. 

O Lord...help me!  Please, help me be the Mom that a Guatemala-born, Mayan ancestry, American, Christian teen needs in this day in age.  Help me know how to guide him and how to help him work through his insecurities.  Help me know how to prepare him to face rejection with grace and strength.

My own insecurities lead me to doubt the effectiveness of what I tell my son.  But Heidi St. John's words remind me that a MomStrong finds supernatural courage from the Lord in the midst of overwhelming challenges.  And that I either trust and believe God and His promises; or I don't.  I can't be a halfway believer, because He is not a halfway God.  He is either Faithful or He is not. 

The good news is, we know He is!

 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God,keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. Deuteronomy 7: 9

So, even though, knowing that my boys will face rejection in this world breaks my heart into pieces, I take heart and put my faith in the Faithful One.  Even though my courage and faith waiver, I stand on the Solid Rock, which stays unmovable and forever strong!  I chose trust.  I chose to believe His Word.  I chose to rest in His love.

The Fear of the Lord

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9: 10

I have read, heard and memorized this proverb...but...it still puzzles me...

So, I want to try to dig into it a bit today.  

I let my eyes wander back and forth on the verse, and I can't help but stop at the word "fear."  That's the one that catches my attention, and sort of makes me stumble in my understanding of this piece of Scripture.  Fear...I know a lot about fear...sigh...

Fear is my constant companion.  I fear illness.  I fear loneliness.  I fear uselessness.  I fear emptiness.  I fear condemnation.  I fear failure.  I fear lovelessness.  And the list goes on and on and on...and that's just the list of things I fear for myself...after having kids, the list of things I fear for my sons is endless!  I am so afraid for the safety, health and well-being of my boys that it's a miracle I allow them to even go to school!  (I tell you, I agonized about sending them to public school more than I have dreaded my own death...sigh...)

Fear paralyzes me.  It poisons my mind to the point that I have no room for any other thoughts, but the obsession of that which frightens me.  Fear enslaves me.  I become a puppet of that which makes me afraid.  Fear is the enemy's most effective tool in his quest to manipulate me.

So...how is it possible that the book of Proverbs...the quintessential book of wisdom...features fear...FEAR...as the beginning of wisdom?  I don't get it.

Well, perhaps it is because I'm allowing the lies and deceit of the devil to drown the voice of the Holy Spirit.  I'm allowing the devil's schemes to mask the truth.

In Biblical terms, when the word "fear" is associated with "of the Lord" the connotation is a positive reverence (admiration, adoration, devotion, respect, wonder etc.).  All the references to the "fear of the Lord" imply that attitude of being in a state of such awe, that our mind expands to begin to have a hint of an understanding of who the Holy One truly is!  And the more we gain such understanding, the more our reverence, admiration, adoration, devotion, respect...fear...increases because there is no other response to the infinite and amazing nature of Our God!  He is an AWESOME GOD!  And His breathtaking magnificence leaves us speechless and awestruck.

In Job 28: 28, God says:  'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.'

The more we know Our Heavenly Father, the closer to wisdom we get.  The closer to God we get, the more we understand the need to turn away from evil.  Rejecting sin grows of our growing closer to God.  And the closer we grow to God, the more our "fear" of Him increases.

It's a riddle, I know.  But it's a marvelous one, isn't it?

The fear Proverbs 9:10 talks about is not the one that paralyzes us.  It's not the enemy-induced emotion that we feel when we take our eyes away from Christ and allow ourselves to fall for the devil's plots.  The fear of the Lord is the one that binds us to Him...like Jon Courson says in his Bible commentary, "The fear of the Lord is to love Him, to hear His song so clearly that the siren song of sin is drowned out completely."

Therefore, I pray that the next time I feel the crippling, cold chills of the enemy-induced fear crawling up my spine, the Holy Spirit gives me the weapons to combat that attack and extinguish the paralyzing and enslaving effects of its flame...so I can stay focused on the liberating, awestruck wonder of My Lord, instead. In the Precious Name of Jesus. Amen!

Courage and Fear

One of the questions we are supposed to ponder in the MomStrong Bible study has to do with courage:  Can we be afraid and still be courageous? 

Well...ask my son Dylan, and he'd tell you!

A few weeks ago at church, Dylan had to face one of his deepest fears:  standing in front of people. 

The thing is that he had diligently attended confirmation classes with our Pastor and a group of kids at church for several months; but when it came time to take the confirmation vows, we were out of the country.  So he missed it.  But the Pastor told us he'd have an opportunity to do it when we got back. So, guess what? the first Sunday we were back, we hadn't really taken our seats yet (I have to say, we're always late...sorry...) when our dear Pastor called out Dylan to come up front to be confirmed...yikes! 

The four of us gasped in unison.  Dylan looked at Dan and I with terror showing in his eyes...and as we gave him the most encouragingly shaky nod we could muster, he got up and went in front of the congregation to join the church.  Let me just say that Grant, Dan and I stopped breathing for the duration of the ceremony...

After the vows were complete, our Pastor asked Dylan if he could give him a hug.  We saw Dylan timidly give him a silent nod, and as he open his arms for the embrace, finally the three of us were able to exhale...

"I was listening and paying attention to all the questions," Dylan told us later in the car as we were heading back home.  "I know, I could tell you were really focusing!" I replied giving him a kiss in the head.  "But I was so scared!"  He added.  "Yes, but you did it anyway, and we're very proud of you!" Dan said to him, giving him a wink on the rear view mirror.  "We are so very proud!" I repeated, as I watched Dylan relax on his seat with the hint of a smile on his face. 

So...courage is not the absence of fear.  To me, courage is doing what we have to do in spite of how terrified we are.  Courage is the ability to do something that scares us!  Therefore, we have to feel the cold sting of fear creeping up and down our spine in order to be courageous.

And the thing is...courage also involves a great measure of trust...trust in the One Who Gives us the strength and the ability to do what we can; the Same One Who Takes Over, and completes the things we can't.

If you ask Dylan, he'll say he is still terrified of standing up in front of the public.  But if you ask him, he'll also say that he has felt the power of God going with him and through him in the moment when he needs it.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31: 6

Why do I struggle to make time for God?

As I'm getting ready to start the Becoming MomStrong Bible study, I'm hit by the first question

In your own personal experience, why do you think it is such a struggle to make time for God?

Oooo...kay... 

All I can think of is: "you're soooo  BUSTED!"

Deep sigh...

Regardless of how convicted I feel by this question, I can't help but also having a sense of hope.  You know why?  Because the more I contemplate the wording of the question, the more I realize it is not accusation.  You know what I mean?  The question is not pointing the finger of shame at me.  The question actually is implying the fact that it IS, indeed, a struggle to make time for God.  Yes, the struggle IS real, my friends.  It isn't just me.  We all have encountered the difficulty of setting aside time for our spiritual growth and communication with Our Heavenly Father.  Therefore, the question is not trying to make us feel guilty.  Guilt is not God's Modus Operandi.  Remember:

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3: 17

and

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace” Ephesians 1: 7

Therefore, guilt should not be our default emotion.  Never trust it.  Don't let it rule you.  But explore it and let it serve a purpose for your own benefit and growth, and then, discard it!  In this case, focusing on the guilt-inducing feelings that scream: "I am a failure because I struggle with setting aside time devoted solely to worship, prayer and thanksgiving to the Lord, Almighty everyday," would defeat the purpose of the question.  It would block any efforts I might be able to make in order to move towards the goal of spending more time with God.  That's what guilt does.  That's why it is a tool of the enemy, not of Our Heavenly Father.  

So, instead, let us focus on the actual point of the question:  why?  That's the real issue here.  Not whether I struggle or not...I do!  It's a fact!  The important part now is to examine myself and to find out what aspects of my life are preventing that I spend more time in devotions?

Deeper sigh...

I could type a mile-long list of reasons here, starting with the demands of my profession and the overwhelming burdens I'm carrying over my shoulders right now at work, all the way through the mundane, everyday details of life such as cleaning, ironing, cooking, grocery shopping, doctors' appointments, summer activity coordinating for my kids, all the way down to taking the dog out for his business...life is busy, no doubt about it!  A more rigorous scrutiny of my choices, however, would, perhaps, reveal things I don't really want to see...things about my character and about my heart that I try to masquerade or hide behind the disguise of busyness...things like...relentless selfishness and enormous amounts of pride.

Yeah, I'm busy, but, why?

What propels me into the rushing and choppy waters of everyday chaos?  

I regret to say that some of the fuel that moves me into a life of self-absorption and disorganization  might be my quest for self-indulgence, to get what I want and my thirst for self-fulfillment...my unquenchable thirst for feeling accomplished...

Simply put: I want to be the woman that everyone looks at in awe, respect and admiration.

In order for me to begin to attempt to have a life of achievement, I need to get busy as I grab the wheel every single day.  Notice, it is all about "I".  And, a life where "I" is number one...there isn't much room for anyone else.  I am the captain of my own life.  I do all the steering.  Therefore, I don't need to make time for anybody else.  

What is a person like me to do?  Surrender.

I need to surrender the illusion of power and control.  God is Sovereign over all!

I need to surrender my desire to be awesome.  God is the Only One who is Awesome!

I need to surrender the lie that I'm indispensable.  God is the Sustainer!

I need to surrender the notion that I have to do it all on my own.  His Grace is Sufficient!

I need to surrender my insecurities.  God is the Only Solid Rock!

I need to surrender my need to follow my own path.  Jesus is the Only Way, Truth and Life...I just need to follow Him!

In summary: why do I think I struggle to make time with God? Personally, because I'm not good at surrendering all to Him.  

I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide me on this quest to surrendering to His love and grace; and that in His infinite compassion, Christ will show me the way to Him without guilt.  May we sense His hand holding us tight as we tip-toe into the path He is unlocking in front of us.  Amen!