Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Psalm 31: 3 NIV
It had been a long and hard week, so I was glad it was Friday. Grant, Dylan and I were in the car, and all of the sudden the conversation between them took a turn dangerously close to the road of the birds and the bees (or is it the bees and the birds?). Don’t ask me how, perhaps it was because we were headed to a birthday party for twins, but suddenly, the conversation between my two sons turned to how babies come out of their Mommies’ stomach and how the doctor cuts their bellies open to pull the babies out…gosh…
I cringed. I looked at my hands on the wheel and my knuckles where white and my palms were sweaty. But I kept quiet, that is, until I heard Grant telling Dylan how he hadn’t come out of Mama’s stomach. I knew then I was soon going to have to join the “conversation.”
“Lord…” I thought, “Here we go, hold my hand.” Dylan has never really showed much interest in his background other than noticing his skin tone being darker than most people around. During Homecoming Day, he carefully goes through his “treasure chest” and intently examines the items that recount his story as an adopted son. But he quickly looses interest and makes no comments other than lamenting not being able to fit into his baby Superman Halloween costume anymore.
Above his bed, I hung a multi-photo picture frame with about 8 or 9 pictures of that morning on September 11, 2006 when Dylan was placed on my lap for the very first time at a hotel meeting room in
. The picture frame is very special to me because I purchased it with a gift of money our dear friend Diana gave to us when Dylan first came home. Back then, I decided I needed to invest that gift on something meaningful, and that picture frame has hung above Dylan’s bed ever since. However, I always found it curious that Dylan had never made any mention of the photos in it. I thought it was, maybe, because the item is so familiar to him that he doesn’t even know it is there…who knows, but he had never said anything about them, until now, that is. Guatemala City
Back in the car, when Dylan heard Grant saying that he had not come out of my belly, he began attempting to formulate a coherent thought to explain that fact. I know he was confused because he struggled to find the words. I can’t even tell you what he actually said, but I knew then I had to break my silence. I said, “You know? Some children in some families didn’t come out of their Mother’s belly. They came out of another woman’s belly.” Then, I searched in my brain database for other kids he knows who are adopted. Praise the Lord there is a significant amount of adopted kids who attend his school. So, I began to mention name after name of different children at NCCA whom he’d know and are, indeed adopted. The Holy Spirit made my speech come out very natural. He gave such calmness to my voice that I almost didn’t recognize it! As I heard myself peak, my own nervousness subsided. We talked about how families are different, and Grant even brought in facts about families with step-children and step-parents. Then, Dylan surprised me when he commented, “I’ve seen it on the pictures above my bed.” I turned my head and I saw him deep in thought. He then continued, “I was sitting on your lap. I came out of you lap. And I was waving good bye to you because I wanted to stay with my other Mommy, but now I don’t.”
He had not only seen the pictures, but he had listened to Dan when he told him a long time ago how, on his first day with us, he had cried and cried for hours and waved good bye to us repeatedly all throughout that first night. He had put it all together in his young mind, and I was astonished.
Later that night I told Dan about it and he was just as perplexed as I was. Dylan is processing the reality of how he became our son even without us realizing it. The Lord is guiding him through the process of understanding, and He is lovingly leading him through the intricacies of adoption. Surely Dylan can one day certainly proclaim, It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. (2 Samuel 22:33)
We finally arrived at the birthday party. The parents of the twin birthday girls, who are in Dylan’s class, graciously allowed Grant to stay since it was at the Olympic Fun Center and Grant was dying to stay. I welcomed the prospect of having the next 2 hours to myself, so I kissed them good bye and left them there. I climbed back in my car and began digesting what had just happened. Maneuvering through the adoption road is difficult, but since the Lord is our Rock and Fortress, He will guide us and lead us for the sake of His name. My little boy is been guided by our Lord and I trust that’s the best alternative for Dylan to find his way.
|September 11, 2006 - Guatemala City. Dylan sitting on my lap for the very first time as I frantically took notes about his life up until then as presented to me by his Foster Mother.|