Well, I’ve been postponing writing about this last, but not least fruit of the Spirit because of many reasons…mainly because this is the one I lack the most. Self control is highly underdeveloped in me. Some would even say it suffers from stunted growth.
I know the Holy Spirit is hard at work on this one in me for He keeps giving me opportunities to grow it on a daily basis. However, I fail almost every time. I’ve been thinking about why I usually fail at my self-control tests, and I keep coming back to the thought that I just have a way too highly developed sense of self-importance. Yes, an underdeveloped ability to exercise self-control stems from an overdeveloped sense of worth.
I just think I’m WAY too important. And because I believe I am so important, I cannot be bothered by life’s interruptions, distractions, detours, obstacles and tests. I’ve set out a course for my life and I don’t want to deviate from it. My plan and my agenda take precedent over the needs of those around me. My issues are the priority in my list and they have to be dealt with first and foremost. I don’t have time to tend to others when I am so busy taking care of my own stuff. So when I am in the middle of dealing with my own stuff and somebody/something comes in and interrupts me, causing me to pause, I explode!
“Can’t you see I’m busy?” “I need to finish this!” “Please go away so I can do this thing.” “Can’t you just wait a moment?” “This is NOT the right time for you to come asking me to do that…children, husband, friends…God…”
I don’t like being interrupted…unfortunately, life is a series of interruptions, or is it? Are they really interruptions? Or what we perceive as interruptions really are God’s ways to redirect our misguided paths back to where He needs us to be? As I am in the middle of many of my own, I will continue to ponder this idea. I’m sure not done thinking about my lack of self-control…as surely as He is not done with me yet.