Divinely Appointed...

I couldn’t believe I was back on a bus headed to my hometown in Panama.  It had been about 5 months since the boys and I were on a similar bus when we came to visit in the summer.  Back then, being with my two sons made a world of difference.  They made the grueling 4 hour-long-trip rather enjoyable and interesting.  Now, I was by myself.  I found a seat on the back of the bus by the window and I opened my book, a novel called The Help, which my friend Judy had let me borrowed months ago.  “I just couldn’t put it down!”  She had said very excited when she lent it to me; but I had not had a chance to start reading it yet.  So when I was packing for the trip, I grabbed the bright yellow book and put it in my carry on.  It’s quite a sizeable book, so I figured it would keep me company for a long while.  As soon as I began to read it, however, I thought to myself that I better find me another book for the trip back, because I could tell I’d finish The Help sooner than I had expected.  I understood Judy’s words then, I just couldn’t put it down either!

At any rate, the bus wasn’t 100% full, so it kept stopping on the road, until it finally filled up. At one of such stops by the side of the road a mother and her son got on.  The only seats left where the one next to me and the one across the aisle from that one.  The Mom sat on the one across the aisle and the son sat next to me.  I saw him through the corner of my eye, since I just couldn’t put the book down.  The boy was about 9 years old and he seemed very curious. Once in a while I’d catch him staring at me.  It is a known fact that people from Panama do not read for pleasure.  So this poor boy was just puzzling over my intense attention to that rare instrument I was gripping tightly with both hands… “it’s called a book (es un libro)”  I wanted to tell him, but I just let him wonder.  If he was anything like Grant, he sure had fun making up funny stories in his young mind about the crazy lady who found reading so captivating.  In his stories, I bet he made me into some sort of alien or spy or most likely a snub who would rather bury her head in a book than talk to the people around her. 

The boy and his Mom lovingly interacted during the trip.  She would point out things out the window, which he’d look at with curiosity (while at the same time not wasting the chance to sneak another peek at the “character” sitting next to him).  He didn’t have any fancy electronic toys to keep him entertain.  All he had was a large stuffed animal that he used as a pillow when he was not pressing it tight in his arms (yes, I noticed all that while still reading The Help nonstop).  Once again I thought of Grant.  His love for stuffed-animals is legendary in our family.  Dylan also shares that love. 

I missed my sons terribly, but having that little boy sitting next to me for the remainder of the trip felt as delightful in my heart as eating hot fudge Sunday in a warm summer afternoon.  My biggest regret was, however, that I did not exchange one word with him.  I never talked to him the whole time we sat side by side on that bus.  I “watched” him closely and I know he watched me too, but we said nothing to each other.

I feel now as if I wasted a precious opportunity by not speaking to that little boy on the bus.  I feel as if God had given me a “gift” and I had rejected it.  The Lord gave me the company of that young child because He knew how lonely I felt without my own; and I didn’t accept the present.  I left it on the table.  Not only I did not open it, but I didn’t even take it.

How many times I do this as I walk through life.  I complain of my situation and circumstance, but I fail to see the Hand of God, the Great Provider, always there, “providing” what I need. 

As I write these lines, however, I am reminded that our God is Faithful.  Unlike us, He does not hold grudges.  Imagine if He’d react the way we do when we offer a gift only to have the receiver turn it down.  Our God is the God of second chances and Praise Him for that.  I sure need all the second chances I can get.  He is a generous giver and He is tireless.  He will give me another opportunity to gratefully accept His gift.  In the meantime, He has allowed me to see that perhaps, sitting side by side to that little boy on the bus was actually exactly what He had planned.  The silence we shared increased the sense of wonder we felt for each other and made the experience even more endearing.  Who knows?  I might be just trying to find a copout, but again, the Lord does work in mysterious ways.   

When the bus arrived at the station in my hometown, I finally closed the book and put it in my backpack.  I zipped it up and I turned my head to meet the little boy’s eyes.  We looked at each other for an instant and shared a big smile.  I might not know his name, but I’ll never forget him.  His bright eyes and sincere smile filled my heart with warmth.  Even if in silence, we did share a divinely appointed moment on that bus. 

The memories of that little boy would come back to me in the midst of the anguish of the days ahead, bringing with them the memory of my own sons like a soothing balm to my soul.  Perhaps I did waste a big opportunity, but that doesn’t keep our Lord from using even our wasted chances for our benefit and His glory.  After all, He does use all things for the good of those who love Him and seek His will.