I Choose to Trust God!

I think I have expressed often before how I have serious trust issues…The Holy Spirit is hard at work in me on that…

What a mess!

…sigh…

I sense, however, that The Holy Spirit is molding me into a new person from the inside out. The transformation has been VERY slow; but I do feel it more and more with each passing trial. A moment of clarity came a few months ago, while I was stuck at a New Jersey airport…(I wanted to add a bunch of expletives here, but I’m refraining…see, another tangible sign of my transformation process : ). Anyway…

At that time, after about four hours of standing in a never-ending line, and later dealing with uncooperative and tactless airline attendants, being very hungry and thirsty, wandering aimlessly trying to look for a hotel shuttle, sharing a room with a total stranger (yes, it was a young lady and she ended up being very nice), overpaying for an unsubstantial breakfast to then get back to the airport to find out my flight wouldn’t leave until the evening with only one tiny hope of getting on an over-booked plane at noonish for which I was in standby…a flash of light came out of nowhere and in the midst of my fret I texted Dan the words: “I choose to trust God!”

I think that was the very first time I ever uttered (can I say “uttered” when I actually “texted” rather than said it aloud?) anyway…it was the first time ever that the sentence “I choose to trust God” came out of me. In the midst of panic…in the midst of frustration…in the midst of chaos…I don’t remember ever saying, thinking, writing that particular combination of words without having been prompted by someone else first.

I remember feeling a bit different after I pressed the “send” button on that text. Like Jacob, after he wrestled with God all night and God touched his hip…Jacob got his blessing, and with that a new name. The Angel of God gave this troubled man a new name as an outward sign of his transformation. I’m also guessing, after dislocating his hip, Israel would, for the rest of his life walked with a limp…another sign of things being different, a great reminder that he was not the same…(Genesis 32: 22-31)

As the Lord helps us overcome our unbelieve, He leaves behind traces to serve as memorials of his delivering power so next time we falter or stall, we turn our eyes and minds toward that sign and remember that He is able, and that He is in control.

I did end up getting on that earlier flight and came home to my dear family at a decent time. And now, every time I feel the tension of anxiety begin to creep into my spine and gut, I utter the transforming words: “I choose to trust God!”