My Redeemer Lives

I fear and worry about E V E R Y T H I N G! Especially, I realize, I dread trusting my loved ones to God…yes, I fear entrusting the same ones He, Himself has given to me, back to Him. I have issues trusting the same one who created the uUniverse, the Almighty, the King Above All Kings, the One Who Has the Power to Bring the Dead Back to Life…when it comes to trust…I falter … I stall…

Seeing the ones I love go through struggle, hardship and pain feels like a million stabs right to my heart. I become focused on fixing it. I get angry (of course). I get nervous. I fret. I try to manipulate things so whatever it is gets better. I talk and lecture. I yell and scream. I freak out. I cry in my sleep. And, as it often happens, I make everything worse. By doing the things I do to “try to help” I just create a bigger mess. My actions, or over-reactions rather, only contribute to creating an overall sense of calamity, kind of like as if the world might just end.

I heard someone say the other day (don’t ask me who or where…can’t remember), something like, “it’s important to leave room for God to be God so just get out of the way.” Hm…

The phrase “just get out of the way,” stuck with me. That’s what I usually do, I get in God’s way. I mean, I know it’s not like I’m going to halt God’s plans or anything like that. I know. But from my perspective, that’s exactly what I do. I get in God’s way when He is doing whatever it is that He does in my life. For example, my inexhaustive desire for control moves me to indicate to Him how to best take care of my ailments. Often I plainly just tell Him what to do when it comes to fixing my husband. And I always give Him specific instructions on how to deal with my sons’ issues. That’s a big one!

I am particularly tempted to concoct schemes to help in this department. For instance, I struggle deeply with my son Grant’s inability (for lack of a better word) to make friends easily. I don’t want him to walk through adolescence alone. I want him to find good, godly friends to help him through the tough years ahead…so I plot. I plot and I push. I plot, I push and I smother a LOT! And at the end I get nothing. No matter what I try, Grant is still much of a loner. Today, a voice inside of me tells me to quit interfering and to take my own advice: “choose to trust God!” He’s got Grant’s name written on the palm of His hand. Grant is the apple of His eye. Grant is His beloved. I, myself, cannot ever love Grant more than God already loves him…

He knows what He is doing in Grant’s life. He doesn’t need me to be His GPS. I mean, really…He doesn’t need me to give Him directions; He knows where we’re all going! He is the God Who Sees. He sees you. He sees me. And He certainly sees Grant. I’m not sure what Grant’s life will turn out to be like. I don’t know if eight grade holds the key that will unlock the door to good friendships. I don’t know if he’ll be an introvert all of his life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to help him overcome his social challenges. I just need to work on trusting Him, the One Who DOES Know all these things, and get out of the way… that’s the only way I will get to see the miracles that He has in store for my boy as well as for all those around me.

You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26: 3