Me of Little Faith...

For the last few days I’ve been wrestling against a spirit of fear that wants to take over me…of course…nothing new here…but it was kind of funny how at one point, on one of those anxiety-filled morning-commutes to work, the words I kept hearing in my head were the words my Endocrinologist told me back in June during my last consultation. That day, which, again, was an anxiety-ridden day, after noticing my emotional condition, the Doctor looked me in the eye and asked me, “Do you know the word Faith?”

I wrote about that incident then, but today, it comes back to me since I kept hearing her question over and over in my head during these past few days while I was fretting about my son Grant’s seemingly explainable knee pain and swelling.

The question challenged me now, the same way it challenged me back in June.

Do I know the word Faith? Do I really know the meaning of Faith?

What is Faith?

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, faith is: belief and trust in and loyalty to God.- Belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion.- Firm belief in something for which there is no proof.- Complete trust.- Something that is believed especially with strong conviction.- A system of religious beliefs

Hmm…

That’s all well, and all…but the definition given by a secular source leaves something wanting, doesn’t it? It’s as if this definition, or set of definitions point to baseless and blind trust on a fairy tale-type narrative that has no foundation in reality. I get that uncomfortable sense, especially when I read the part that says: “firm belief in something for which there is no proof…”

It seems utterly contradictory. On one hand it says “belief and trust in and loyalty to God” then on the other it talks about “the traditional doctrines of a religion.” So is it trust in the God Almighty, Maker of the Heavens and the Earth or is it in the man-made rules and regulations of a particular religion?

Again…there’s something wanting…

Faith transcends to dimensions that cannot be fathomed by academic thought. So its meaning cannot be contained in a dictionary.

Faith is the supernatural riddle that tells us that through it we are saved by the Grace of God. Faith is the instrument that Grace uses in order to reach us. (Ephesians 2: 8-9) Faith is the Divine paradox that assures us of things hoped for, and that gives us the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11: 1) Faith is what derives from opposing concepts, allowing a reality that enables us to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal…while at the same time commanding us NOT to live by sight! (2 Corinthians 4:18, 2 Corinthians 5:7)

Faith is what gives us ears to hear the voice of the Shepherd-King who is also the Perfect Lamb and calls us by our name.

Faith is the grain of mustard that contains the power to make us move mountains! Therefore, we cannot expect to contain Faith in a few lines on the pages of a dictionary.

Do I know the meaning of faith?

Although I certainly cannot explain it, I know it in my soul. Faith is what keeps me on the side of Jesus and what permits me to see Him for who He is, My True Hope, My Lord, The Savior of the World.

As I received good news regarding my son’s knee problem, the waters of anxiety began to recede. However, lingering questions still remain: do I know that Faith is what gets me through these waters? Do I accept that my Faith is my Hope? Do I understand that Faith is not blind belief on a fairy tale that cannot be proved? Do I surrender it all to the Author and Perfecter of my Faith and let go?

I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to work in me so the peace that comes from knowing His presence is in me continues to grow until I have no doubt. I pray, like the Apostles once did, Lord, please increase my faith!