Healed!

For the last 5 years I have had intense seasons of testing...literally...and figuratively...  It is amazing what you find out about yourself when illness strikes.  I have found out many things in my experience.  I have realized that I cannot do this alone.  I need the prayers and the warmth of those around me.  And I am most thankful because the Lord has blessed me with my very own, personal, great cloud of witnesses, who surround me, and who are made evident on the faces of my church family, sisters in Christ, prayer warriors, and blood family.  I have found out that I can call out to them and they answer me...which brings me the type of comfort and reassurance that could only be orchestrated from Heaven above!

I have also learned that I am weak.  I have learned that I crumble under pressure.  I have learned that I am not as strong as I once thought I was.  I used to border on arrogance when it came to thinking of myself.  I had this image of me being a tower of fortitude.  My years dealing with testing has taught me to be humble and not to think of myself as a self-sufficient entity.  I am weak.  But in my weakness, He is strong!  I have learned that too!  The weaker I am, the stronger His glory, power and might radiates!  Even me, little, weak me can do these things...yes...not because I am awesome...but because He is!

I have also realized that my faith needs to be strengthened.  Again, I bordered on arrogance when it came to what I thought my level of maturity in the faith was.  I thought of myself as a rather advanced Christian...whatever that might mean?!  Pride blurred my vision and deceived me into thinking I had the matters of the Spirit all figured out.  Little did I know then, that I know very little about anything.  The constant testing, however, has helped me push ahead in my steps of faith.  Rather than immediate panic as my first response, I now know I must go to the Word.  I find my refuge in the Psalms during my time of testing.  And every time I open my Bible, I discover a fresh word... yesterday, as I waited (not my favorite activity at all!) to get the results of my last tests, I was reading through the Psalms and this jumped at me:

Praise be to the Lord,

for he has heard my cry for mercy. 

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28: 6-7

I read these words shortly before I received the e-mail that contained the results of that one tests I was fearing...and it was a direct word from the Lord, in my opinion...for I have been reciting to myself the words:  "I trust You, Lord! I trust You, Lord!..." over and over and over again for weeks...and He helped me...so reading this Psalm was particularly invigorating!  

I went downstairs and checked my e-mail and there it was...a completely normal result on my cancer marker... my last check up the number had been higher than usual, which caused me to freak out!  But here it was, back to the normal level...

But, why was I surprised!?  I was not.  The Lord is Faithful and He has healed me.  I just have to believe it!  He has healed me for a purpose...I have to claim it!  He has given me victory, I need to own it!

But, furthermore, even if I weren't healed...He is still Good and His plan is still perfect!  I learned that 5 years ago when I got a diagnosis I had been fearing.  I learned that back then when the outcome was not what I had prayed for.  I learned that when He showed me that regardless of the answer, His ways are better than mine.

I don't think I could be experiencing the intensity of relationship I have now with Christ, had the doctor told me, back in 2013, that I was clean and that there were no malignant lesions.  I would just had gone back to my old ways...my growth had been stagnant...my relationships with my beloved had stayed superficial.  

He loves us anyway.  And so should we.  Let us Trust and Believe that His timing and paths are the perfect ones...not ours.  I still have a long way to go.  I just pray that for as long as God gives me life, I can focus on seeking Him first and continue figuring out His designs for my life.  We have ALL been healed for a purpose.  I pray He shows it to us in a clear way, and that we have the courage to pursuit it!