Scars

Here I am, a few days from my thyroid check up, waking up scared...again...

I look at myself in the mirror and stare at my neck.  I see my scar...a constant reminder of my reality...I remember a line from that song...what is it?  Who sings it?  I can't remember, but the words linger:  the day will come when "all scars are understood."

I think about it a minute.  Then, I exhale a deep "I trust You, Lord! You have already healed me!" turn the lights out and walk away, sighing...

I believe it.  But sometimes...I become overcome with thoughts...with "what ifs."  The cold blanket of fear covers me, and I shiver.  The words, "Come to Me" sound very distant...a mere whisper from the depths of darkness in my troubled mind. 

Sigh...

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Matthew 7: 7-8

Please, guide me so I learn how to ask for your will to be done and have peace in obedience and acceptance.  Give me clarity on the path to seeking You and You alone, so I can walk securely, knowing that You go before me.  Give me the strength to knock at Your door, even when I am weak and feel ashamed. And please, open it wide and usher me inside!  Drag me in, if I resist.  Keep me near You and cover me under Your wings for once again I'm trembling.  The lies of fear threaten to make me crumble.  The enemy is waiting for me to fall so he can devour me.  Open Your door to me, Lord, as the cleft on the Rock, and keep me hidden there until the eye of the storm has dissipated and the sun shines again.

Praise You, Lord, for You Are The Healer, Jehovah Rapha. The Lord that Heals.  I trust You!  Come to my rescue in my anguish. Restore me.  Amen!