At this moment in my professional career I find myself consumed by the pursuit of figuring out what I can do to help my country of birth. I want to share the knowledge I have acquired through my years of living in the United States with the people of Panama. Therefore, I have been spending countless hours devising, designing and dreaming about programs that I could establish in Panama to, in a way, give back to those left behind...
I want to bring students down there. I want to do mission work. I want to do professional and educational development for children and adults. You name it! One idea has sparked a million others. One project has unleashed tons of work that needs to be done. One Facebook message has sparked a fire among other Panamanians who share my same life-story and want to join me in my desires to do something.
The result: I´m obsessed!
And that is not a good thing...
In my experience, obsessing over something usually does not lead me in the right direction. When I get so focused on a project or a thing it is as if a reinforced concrete wall is suddenly built around my brain which doesn't allow me to think about anything else. All my energies go to this thing I'm obsessed with. I get impatient and short-tempered (yeah, I know...even more? how is that even possible?!) Everything and everyone else automatically move lower on my list of priorities. I become very distracted. Last night, for instance, I was about to give a class a test they had already taken! I'm so behind with my grading that I don't know how in the world I am going to be able to turn in mid-term reports today by noon. I shut down to all around me and I only see whatever it is that could enhance my goal. In other words, my pursuit becomes my idol.
"Save your best striving for seeking My Face. I am constantly communicating with you. To find Me and hear My voice you must seek Me above all else. Anything that you desire more than Me becomes an idol. When you are determined to get your own way, you blot Me out of your consciousness. Instead of single-mindedly pursuing some goal, talk with Me about it. Let the Light of My Presence shine on this pursuit so that you can see it from My perspective. If the goal fits into My plans for you, I will help you reach it. If it is contrary to My will for you, I will gradually change the desire of your heart. Seek Me first and foremost; then the rest of your life will fall into place, piece by piece." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Yeah... what else can I say other than... "Lord, You know me so well! You know exactly what I need at the exactly right moment... I'm in awe of You. Thank you for your loving presence and for not giving up on me."
Often, when we get distracted with the things of this world, we need to step back and honestly ponder: Is this what God wants me to do or is it my own, selfish pursuit? I mean, we are talking about good goals, not even material and superficial obsessions. But, at times, idolatry comes in disguised as many wonderful things. The problem is that, if you are like me, I tend to follow the shiny object, and do not take the time to step back. That's why I just want to have the presence of mind to always pray that the Lord, in His great mercy and love, would send me someone or something to give me the message I need to hear: "Seek Me First, and all these other things will be given to you as well..." Matthew 6: 33
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