Dealing with Rejection

"He called me 'Indian' and I got mad at him...but then, I found out that I am Mayan and that they were pretty smart and fierce, so I guess it's OK he called me that..."

Is there anything harder than to witness the suffering of one's own children?

Every hint of pain that a person endures, is felt with double intensity by the heart of his/her mother.  It's just the way it is.  There's no way around it.  That's why Mothers are wired to protect their children.  Because, in a way, we are protecting our own vulnerabilities.  Therefore, when author Heidi St. John says in her book Becoming MomStrong that today's Mothers have to do something that the previous generations didn't have to worry about, my attention heightened.  What she says is that we have to prepare our kids to face rejection.

Wow...

Just the thought of my boys being rejected feels like a knife in my heart.  How could anybody reject them?  It's impossible!  They're the best!  In reality, however, she is right.  Nobody is everybody's cup of tea always.  There will always be people who are not going to like my sons.  There will be people who are not going to love all their ideas, looks, personalities, opinions, attitudes, words, beliefs...and they will encounter rejection. 

Even though our society marches to the battle song of "tolerance," people are very intolerant.  Tolerance, as preached by our society only means: we tolerate you as long as you share and advance our views; but if you see the issues at hand from a different perspective, you're a bigot!"

Growing up in a Christian environment and with Christian values, means that my sons will be at odds with many of the things our society and culture finds tolerable.  Therefore, rejection will be a reality for them.  How do we train them for that?  How do we teach them how to stay true to what they believe with love, grace, strength and respect? 

I have no idea...

As a teenager who wants to fit in and just be the same as everybody else around him, even though he knows he is different in many, many ways, Dylan is struggling.  His insecurities show up in his obsession with his appearance.  "I just want to be cool!" He says.  "It helps me be more confident," he admitted.  How do I counter that?  I want him to be confident too.  I want him to feel secure on who he is.  I want him to feel that he is just as good as any of the kids around him.  But, how do you explain to a 13-year-old that our identity comes from Christ, not from Adidas?  How do I make it sink in that God's opinion is the only one that matters?

We have talked about the irrelevance of outer looks and the importance of cultivating the spirit.  But, when kids at school use the term "Indian" as a derogatory name to make him feel belittled...Dylan's defense is to find comfort on the expensive logo printed on his tennis shoes. 

"Yes, you are of Mayan descent. And that should make you proud.  The Mayans were the smartest of all civilizations of native-Americans! (I know...it might be a bit of hyperbole; but they were pretty amazing!)  They knew most of the stuff the Europeans knew.  They were strong and fierce.  And you do have all that in your blood too!  And, on top of that, you are a child of God.  You are the son of the King! Nothing is more important than that!"  I have said these things to Dylan many times.  But, he still doubts.  He still finds tangible things more reassuring. 

O Lord...help me!  Please, help me be the Mom that a Guatemala-born, Mayan ancestry, American, Christian teen needs in this day in age.  Help me know how to guide him and how to help him work through his insecurities.  Help me know how to prepare him to face rejection with grace and strength.

My own insecurities lead me to doubt the effectiveness of what I tell my son.  But Heidi St. John's words remind me that a MomStrong finds supernatural courage from the Lord in the midst of overwhelming challenges.  And that I either trust and believe God and His promises; or I don't.  I can't be a halfway believer, because He is not a halfway God.  He is either Faithful or He is not. 

The good news is, we know He is!

 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God,keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. Deuteronomy 7: 9

So, even though, knowing that my boys will face rejection in this world breaks my heart into pieces, I take heart and put my faith in the Faithful One.  Even though my courage and faith waiver, I stand on the Solid Rock, which stays unmovable and forever strong!  I chose trust.  I chose to believe His Word.  I chose to rest in His love.