Thanksgiving Journal: The Lord is With Me at Every Step

 Ever since I started the position of Department Chair almost a year and a half ago, my life has been way more stressful than usual.  The demands of this job and the expectations that everyone has of me are much more than I have anticipated.  And every day that passes I confirm my suspicions: I am SO NOT the right person for this job.  But, as life often unfolds, I'm the ONLY person for this job.  I'm it for now.  So, I can't escape it.  I have to bear it.

Needless to say, every day is a struggle.  I don't know how to do anything and I don't want to learn either.  My entire body rejects this job.  My insecurities and feelings of inadequacy are exponential and I am just praying I can survive the 3 additional semesters I still have to keep doing this thing until I can just collapse somewhere.

Gratitude...yep...where's my thanksgiving in all this rant? 

Well, I am thankful that God always places the right messages in front of my eyes to help me cope.  In the midst of the latest chaos at the office, I just read in my devotional the following:

"You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you.  You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time.  instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step.  The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. This is training opportunity since I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King.  Challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help.  When you don't know what to do, wait while I open the way before you.  Trust that I know what I'm doing, and be ready to follow My lead." (Sarah Young's Jesus Calling).

I am grateful that Jesus is not surprised by my lack of adequacy...He is not wondering how come I do not know how to do anything...He is not frustrated by my inability to remember things...He is not disappointed by my lack of managerial skills.

I am eternally grateful that He is not only aware, but expects my total dependence on Him.  

I am forever grateful that He is my Shepherd-King and that my neediness amplifies my awareness of His presence.

I am humbled by the fact that when I don't know what to do...which is always...I can just wait in Him as He orchestrates things in my life that bring glory to His Holy Name.

Thank you, Lord for calling me Your own, and for strengthening me and giving me peace (Psalm 29:11).  May I always keep in mind the fact that I can find you next to me with every step I take.  In Your Precious Name.  Amen!