Comfort in Suffering

 Once again Jamie Erickson's book Holy Hygge has deeply moved me.  This time it was chapter 5, dedicated to Comfort the one that touched my heart.  It is not comfort as in being physically at ease in your favorite chair or having enough money in your bank account to not have to worry about expenses.  It is comfort as in easing/soothing one's feelings of distress, pain and grief.  Needless to say, it was a profoundly challenging chapter to read and digest.

If you have never lost anyone close to you yet, please make sure you go and give all your beloved a big hug and a kiss, and tell them you love them.  At least, send them a text or give them a call...because we never know when the crushing claws of grief may grab us, threatening to rip our hearts and souls to pieces.

Topics about loss, suffering, pain and grief are way too gut-wrenching and often make us very uncomfortable given the raw vulnerability that such hurt typically leaves in our core.  Depending on our personalities and on our individualities, bringing up this topic can be just plainly difficult.  Many of us avoid it because it is too much.  Many of us don't want to expose our wounds.  We try to move on, but in reality, the wound is not healed regardless of how many years have passed.  My Dad died almost 11 years ago and I still have a hard time talking about it.  Fifty years is not long enough to soothe the heart of a mother who lost a child.  Twenty two years is but a vapor for someone who left things unsaid to her Mom before she passed.  Thirty years carrying the regret of not saying one last "I love you," to the spouse who left this world in a hurry is not sufficient to appease the mind.  It's just not an easy thing to talk about openly.  It's too heavy...

I believe, however, that healing is possible on this side of Heaven.  It might not be complete and full, but enough to allow us to live the rest of our lives with our eyes on eternity and our feet on the ground.  But, how? I think the way to healing is Hope.  Like I read in the devotional, Our Daily Bread, "Biblical hope is much more than mere optimism; it's an absolute certainty based on God's promise, which He will never break." 

We go back to Scripture and we find comfort in the confidence that Jesus' words are true!

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? John 14: 1-2

We read about His promises in Paul's words,

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14

And again, we read what Jesus says:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3: 16

And we realize that "hope is a golden cord connecting us to heaven. This cord helps us hold our head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting us." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) We find His promises in the Bible and we cling to them with the confidence of someone who trusts that His word is true, and that His love is real.  That is Hope...that is the Hope that heals the wounds caused by loss.  We surround ourselves with the Word and with those who believe in His promises, our brothers and sisters in Christ and together, holding each other, walking shoulder to shoulder, leaning on each other, carrying each other, we discover joy again...the joy that Hope brings.  Hope helps us remember that the "road we're traveling together is ultimately the highway to heaven." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) And we don't walk that road alone.

May God's word penetrate our mind, body and soul so we can cling to the Hope that is the Person of Our Lord regardless of our circumstances, our loss, our pain, our grief or any of the bumps on the road.  Amen!

Contentment

 "An ocean-front beach condo!"  That's pretty much my standard answer every time I'm asked one of those icebreaker questions such as: name your favorite vacation spot...or...what would you buy if you'd win the Powerball...or where would you want to retire...or if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live...etc.  

Owning a beach-front condo or visiting for a long stay or a short stay or just longingly looking at one on my TV screen is one of those long-standing dreams I've had for the last 30 years. Actually, it doesn't even have to be at the ocean...it could be by a lake...not even a great lake...some nice pond would do...well...maybe not, but a nice body of water that I can just sit and stare at would be OK.  The way the prices on water-front properties are lately, though, make me think that dream will stay a dream forever.  And the thought of not being able to enjoy the breathtaking beach views brings a lot of disappointment to my heart.  Therefore, to compensate for my shattered dream of owning a beach place or living near one, I spend considerable amounts of time and money planning our next vacation by the water.  This summer, since Dan has been blessed with summers off, I really went a bit overboard.  I'm loving it, but our budget has been stretched so thin, I'm afraid rice and beans will be in our menu for the rest of the year.

The truth is, I have a restless spirit that is constantly longing for what's next...for a place to escape...for the elusive wave that will shake off my inability to just sit still and settle comfortably in one place.  After reading chapter 6 of Jamie Erickson's book Holy Hygge I believe my issue is that I have a sort of discontentment that is deeply rooted in my heart, and it is time I surrender it to the Cross. 

I believe I have to accept the fact that the hole in my heart will never be filled with a beach condo or a lake house or a deck overlooking an infinity pool.  That emptiness is not about disliking the place where God has placed me or thinking He made a mistake when bringing me here.  I have not been missed matched.  I'm just longing for home, and my true home is not on this side of Heaven. My longing is not of this world and its material things.  The hole in my heart is God-shaped and only He can patch it up.  

I've known this for a long time, but reading this chapter has made it so clear, I just want to cry.

Like the author of the book says:

"I could move to Timbuktu.  It wouldn't really matter.  Despite the location of the patch of grass I call my own, it will never feel green enough or warm enough or fill-in-the-blank enough this side of the second Garden of heaven.  That longing for something better or best is a remnant of Eden - a chronic case of heart-burn that's been plaguing humanity since the first forbidden bite. Because you see, the enemy knew even then that if he couldn't steal our faith, he could at least try to distort our perspective."

And, it is all a matter of perspective: how we see things. Like when we go to the eye doctor and get a new prescription for glasses, our perspective needs adjusted on a regular basis as well.  Discontentment can dig up a rut so deep that it swallows us once we fall into it, keeping us from seeing, making us believe this is it.  In reality, we can step out of that ditch and discover the blessings that have been hidden due to our distorted view of our surroundings.  Not owning the dreamed ocean front condo means I'm free!  I'm free to plan visits to a wide variety of different ocean front properties around the world! If I had my own, I would be stuck having to go to that same one every vacation I take.  My finances are free since I am not enslaved by a lender that shackles my wallet with monthly mortgage payments. My mind is free since I don't have to constantly worry about maintenance, home owners association payments, repairs, renters, and the myriad of complications that come up with homeownership.  I'm free to keep planning trips that become lifetime memories of exciting adventures otherwise not possible.  

I know this is just a silly example, but contemplating the lessons in chapter 5 of this little book has reminded me that there is always a blessing behind every unrealized dream.  We just have to wake up, open our eyes, put on our new glasses, see it and give thanks for it. 

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12-13

Mistakes

 Last Wednesday, we had another really exciting book chat meeting for Jamie Erickson's Holy Hygge book, and I have to say, I enjoyed it thoroughly!  I pray everyone in attendance was able to hear the Holy Spirit speak and received blessings from the two chapters we studied.

It's really interesting how this little book can be both light but also insightful.  

One of my favorite parts of the evening was when the question was asked about purchases that might have been mistakes.  I shared one of mine in great detail...but I have many others that popped into my mind as I was thinking about this topic.  What can I say, I like to shop. And among my favorite shopping experiences are those that involve something for the house.  I get these ideas in my head about how a certain corner or wall in our house would look so much better if only I could get X thing to make it perfect.  I hardly ever have money, so often, I end up just buying a very cheap version of what I had in mind, just so my vision would come into reality.  And many times, I end up regretting the purchase and having to either return it or donate it.  

I could share many examples.  This practice frustrates my dear husband very much...especially, because, usually, I buy the items without telling him.  He is too nice to fight me on them.  But, recently, he did tell me that he is tired of me buying things that later end up in the Goodwill box.  He said I have to learn the art of waiting:  waiting until we save up the money to buy a quality item (or until I forget my idea and desist...which I know would be his prefered option).  

Sometimes, the purchase is too big, and I have to live with the mistake for a long time... Sometimes, it's worse: others have to live with it for a long time.  The particular example I'm thinking about was Dylan's bed.  It was shortly after we moved to Slippery Rock.  He was going to get his own room, and I wanted to make it special by getting him a new bed.  My vision involved one of those beds that were kind of like a loft, sitting up high so we could put a desk underneath or a reading nook or something really cool.  I've seen an IKEA room decorated just the way I wanted it, and if I could just have bought that showroom right the way it was, I ... I mean...Dylan would have been the happiest kid alive!

Of course, we didn't have money for buying a full IKEA bedroom set, completed with cool storage and wall art.  So, I went to the Walmart website instead.  In there, I found what looked like a good compromise.  It wasn't a loft bed, though.  It was more like a bunk bed.  The top was a twin size and the bottom was a full size bed that turned into a couch.  How cool is that! right? Well, the nightmare began when the box arrived.  It weighted a TON.  Poor Dan.  He wanted to put it together right away so Dylan could have a bed.  When we finally got the extremely heavy boxes upstairs, Dan opened them only to realize that there were about 10,000 pieces.  OK, I am exaggerating.  It was more like 2,000.  I couldn't believe it!  Then, of course, it took several nights of Dan working on the stupid bed after work, and several mistakes, before the bed was ready to be used.  By then, Dylan had been sleeping on the floor in Grant's room for maybe 2 weeks.  

Finally, there it was, the bed was up, the kids tried it, and were excited for about a minute.  It was so uncomfortable...it was like sleeping on a bed of nails.  I tried adding more padding to the mattress, and fluffy pillows and comforters...but nothing worked.  The good thing is that Dylan was still young...but the bad thing was that Dylan was still young.  There was NO WAY on this side of Heaven that Dan would even let me talk about getting rid of the bed.  That bed was in that room to stay.  Dylan actually slept in the guest room for a couple of years, until he decided to brave his bed again.  

9 years later, Dylan figured enough time had passed, so he ask for a new bed for Christmas, and this past year Dan said yes.  But then, the terrible realization of having to put the monster apart came over him...but...the good news was, we listed it for sale on the Facebook Marketplace and the stupid bed sold in a couple of hours!  That was enough motivation for Dan to get his screwdriver and disassemble the 2,000 parts.  He was nice enough to take pictures and organize all the parts very neatly so the new owners would be able to put it back together again without much trouble. 

Dylan got his IKEA bed (not a loft, but a cool one, nonetheless) and I began to learn my lesson: stop being restless and wait in the Lord.

It's funny how today at church, Pastor Dan gave an amazing sermon that touched on certain aspects that apply to this situation.  He was preaching on Psalm 84 and on how we have a home like no other.  I can stop striving for something better.  There is no need.  I already have my perfect home in Him.  Creating an atmosphere of peace where there is enough space for Jesus and where there is room for the gospel to be shared is what I need.  Other than that, it becomes superfluous and actually dangerous.  I don't need to keep up with the latest trends on HGTV.  All I need is to remember that,

Better is one day in your courts

than a thousand elsewhere. Psalm 84: 10a

May He who has given a home to the sparrow, show us that He has made a home for us as well.

Seasons

 I love to read, but I don't really have much time for it during the semester.  I bundle all my reading for the summer.  This is another reason why I look forward to summer SO MUCH! It is my absolute, most favorite season.  Listing the reasons that I love summer with such intensity would take volumes...so I won't...I'll just say one: summer reminds me of home.  On the other hand, winter...I couldn't even begin to mention the reasons I dislike winter...just the thought of it makes me want to vomit (I hope I haven't offended my winter-fan-friends).  Fall makes me way too melancholic and spring is riddled with allergens that make my life miserable.  So summer is not only my favorite season, but the only one I truly like.

The reason I'm thinking about this is because, as I was reading chapter 3 of the book Holy Hygge by Jamie Erickson, which is on the subject of well-being, I read something that really spoke to me.  As the author discusses the importance of self-care, and how it is not selfish to carve out time to "plan for you," in order to be able to care well for others, she talked about how her Mother in Law told her to reserve a hobby that she enjoys, for the winter months in order to help her cope better with the awful Minnesota cold season.

The author relates what her Mother in Law told her in this quote:  "A hyggelig hobby, she said, would not only help me survive the winter, but it would also help reshape my feelings about the season even before it arrives.  I'd be able to look forward to that time instead of confronting it with a sense of dread." (p. 94) 

Wouldn't that be nice?  To anticipate the arrival of winter (or fill-in-the-blank-season) without dread...sigh...maybe, I should take her advice and save some of my reading for the cold months?  That could be a step in the right direction, I think.

Seasons, however, are not just limited to the spinning of the Earth around the sun.  Nature often works as the perfect analogy for what we go through in life.  As we all have experienced, our lives go through different seasons too.  Some are cheerful and bright.  Some are not.  What a blessing it would be to look forward to all of our seasons regardless of how awful they may seem, wouldn't it? As with the idea of reserving an enjoyable hobby for the season of the year that we already know we don't like/appreciate/love/look forward to in order for us to actually stop dreading it, how marvelous it would be to discover a way to survive the difficult seasons in our lives without fear/disappointment/hurt/heartache...sigh...

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3: 1

I believe the point of this most beloved passage of Scripture is to demonstrate that there is purpose in everything we experience.  Nothing is wasted in God's economy.  He designs every single part and detail of His plans for each of His children and for the whole universe for a reason and with a point.  Nothing is left to chance or caprice, including the seasons in which our heart is pierced with pain. 

Like the author says about the wisdom of Ecclesiastes 3: 1, "it indicates an ordained purpose; something, or more specifically Someone, outside of yourself who determines the time and eternal reason of this moment.  You and I can keep wasting time watching the clock, hoping a particular season will pass quickly, or we can embrace every moment, knowing God has an eternal purpose for them all." (p. 95)

I know I cannot anticipate all the rough seasons I will experience in my life, so it is not easy to prepare for them.  But one thing I can do is to stay close to the One Who Knows and Determines every spin of my world.  Therefore, something that can help us keep our eyes upon Jesus is to stay in the Word and in fellowship with His body.  Together we can survive our less-than-ideal seasons as we remind each other that God has a purpose for everything.- praying boldly and without ceasing, holding each other's hands and seeking His face -.  

May the Holy Spirit open our eyes and allow us to see the point of what we are going through...the lessons...the grounds...the reasons, as much as we are supposed to figure them out.  May He give us awareness that we are not alone as we walk through the fires and high waters, for He is right there with us, leading us and showing us the way. 

Question: What's your least favorite season? What hobby or activity can you reserve for that season to help you enjoy it more? What additional ideas could help us cope when we go through difficult "seasons" in our lives?

Love it or List it

 I enjoy watching home improvement shows...I know...what can I say.  One that I used to watch a lot was called Love it or List it.  That show frustrated me, though, because in most of the episodes I watched, the owners ended up "loving" the house...ugh...that drove me crazy.  Even the spouse who wanted to move initially, would end up "loving" the remodeling so much that they would also be convinced to stay.

I couldn't stand it! so I had to stop watching it.

Strange, right? I know.  I just get anxious when it comes to the thought of getting too attached to a house.  If you ask Dan, he'll tell you that the phrase:  "let's sell the house," comes out of my mouth at least once a day...every single day. I have issues...I know...

Anyway...as I read chapter 4 in the book Holy Hygge by Jamie Erickson, I started to think about this thing...and something in the book made me pause and consider my particularity when it comes to my aversion to the thought of getting attached to a house.  The author says:

"We've forgotten what it feels like to be at home in our homes." (p. 113)

Is that what has happened to me?

It's not about the house, how big, beautiful, stylish, organized, cleaned, etc. etc. it is.  Like Erickson reminds us, for the most part of His life, Jesus was basically homeless...but He knew how to make a home, because He is home.  The life of Christ shows us that a home should provide "an atmosphere where heavy-hearted people can unleash their burdens, find refuge, and be fully fueled and supported so they can go back out into the fray and do God's work in the world." (p. 113)  Home is where the Light of the World shines to make darkness retreat and where God is revealed to all who come in.

I don't know if I have ever made a home...

My focus has always been on the building, the house, the material things inside of it.  I don't know if I have ever, truly placed my energy into shaping the spiritual aspects of home.  I lost my childhood home in my early forties and that has caused me to reject the thought of getting attached to a house...but...has that heartbreaking incident also caused me to ignore the fact that home is where the heart is?  Have I neglected the cultivation and nurturing of an atmosphere that promotes well-being? Have I forgotten to invite Jesus to dwell in my house?

Perhaps, it is time for me to "love it." Maybe it is time for me to stop being afraid of losing the house, and just direct my efforts to creating an atmosphere that reflects the holiness of the Spirit who dwells in it as I honor Him with everything that goes on inside my home.  Like the book author says: "from the movies we watch to the songs we listen to, from the money we spend to the activities that command our best attention - every yes and no we give with our time, talent, and budget should declare that Christ is an unseen but ever-present participant in the culture of our home." (p. 121)

It is time to remember that a house is nothing without Jesus.  Therefore, I should take the author's advice and "be in the Word, and make the Lord my focal point."  

Question to ponder: Besides being in the Word on a daily basis, what other things can we do to "love" our homes and make them show that Jesus is the center, the focal point?

Hospitality and Relationships

Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13: 2

I have not had much experience in the area of hospitality.  Even though I do enjoy the idea of opening my home to be the house of gatherings, for some reason the opportunities just don't seem to present themselves more than on rare occasions...or so I've thought...the thing is...I need to pause and think about this a minute: what is the proper approach? Am I supposed to passively wait for opportunities to show up...knocking at my door, pun intended...or...am I to actively seek out opportunities to open my door without waiting for people to come knocking?

While reading the first couple of chapters of the book Holy Hygge by Jamie Erickson at our church's summer book chat, my mind has been filled with endless thoughts and questions about how my own insecurities and self-consciousness might have kept me from carrying out the command to hospitality which we have been given since God first welcomed Adam and Eve to that very first home He so lovingly made for us.

Chief among all these ponderings, is the question: "what is my definition of a stranger?"  Is a stranger just the random person off the street with whom we have no connection or have ever met? Or could it also be the high school classmate whom we haven't seen in thirty or forty years? Could it be our children's childhood acquaintance whom we have never had a chance to meet as an adult? Maybe it is our next-door neighbor, with whom we have hardly exchanged a few distant hellos. 

I’m thinking more and more that the definition of “stranger” should probably extend all the way to passing acquaintances, people with whom we are loosely connected, but are not part of our inner circle.  The author of the book reminds us how Jesus had concentric circles of connections (p. 64-65).  Jesus was and is intimately connected forever in that example of perfect fellowship that is the Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  In the human realm, though, while Jesus walked on this earth, He had a tight band of brothers: Peter, James and John.  Immediately next to that close circle, was the next loop: the rest of His disciples, partners in ministry.  Then, there was the outer loop, the multitudes…the strangers.  Were they really strangers, though?  Can Our Emmanuel, Our God With Us really have strangers among Him? Can we?

Jamie Erickson suggests that, based on the life of Jesus and on how He related to people around Him, “our social connections should fall into one of three categories: encouragement, discipleship and evangelism.” (p. 65)  In this scenario, nobody is truly a stranger since each person God puts along and around our path belongs to at least one of these three rings of social connectedness. 

In the circle of encouragement, I need to have those close friends, my Peters, Johns, and James.  In the ring of discipleship will be what the author refers to as my “mother-sister-daughter relationships.” (p. 67) These connections are not literally demarcated by blood lines, not at all.  I would be really losing on this one if that were the case.  I never had daughters and my mother has been gone for 23 years.  But I do have spiritual mother-figures and I know I can find daughters in every corner, if I keep my eyes open.  Then, there’s the evangelism ring, and that’s the multitudes.  That’s where all the “strangers” among me fit.

It's hard, though…opening my “home,” whereas it is my literal house or the home of my heart, soul, mind, time and wallet to “strangers,” especially those with whom I do not agree or find difficult to love.  That is very hard.  I’m goo guarded.  I don’t want to reveal my vulnerabilities and insecurities to anyone, let along “strangers.”  But, if I want to get better at loving Jesus, I have to love those He has placed around me as I make my feeble attempts at encouraging, discipling and evangelizing. (Erickson, p. 74)  After all…I don’t want to miss the chance of entertaining angels, right?

 

What could be some practical ways in which we can fulfill the command of hospitality to all our circles of social connections in order to encourage, disciple and evangelize?