Contentment

 "An ocean-front beach condo!"  That's pretty much my standard answer every time I'm asked one of those icebreaker questions such as: name your favorite vacation spot...or...what would you buy if you'd win the Powerball...or where would you want to retire...or if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live...etc.  

Owning a beach-front condo or visiting for a long stay or a short stay or just longingly looking at one on my TV screen is one of those long-standing dreams I've had for the last 30 years. Actually, it doesn't even have to be at the ocean...it could be by a lake...not even a great lake...some nice pond would do...well...maybe not, but a nice body of water that I can just sit and stare at would be OK.  The way the prices on water-front properties are lately, though, make me think that dream will stay a dream forever.  And the thought of not being able to enjoy the breathtaking beach views brings a lot of disappointment to my heart.  Therefore, to compensate for my shattered dream of owning a beach place or living near one, I spend considerable amounts of time and money planning our next vacation by the water.  This summer, since Dan has been blessed with summers off, I really went a bit overboard.  I'm loving it, but our budget has been stretched so thin, I'm afraid rice and beans will be in our menu for the rest of the year.

The truth is, I have a restless spirit that is constantly longing for what's next...for a place to escape...for the elusive wave that will shake off my inability to just sit still and settle comfortably in one place.  After reading chapter 6 of Jamie Erickson's book Holy Hygge I believe my issue is that I have a sort of discontentment that is deeply rooted in my heart, and it is time I surrender it to the Cross. 

I believe I have to accept the fact that the hole in my heart will never be filled with a beach condo or a lake house or a deck overlooking an infinity pool.  That emptiness is not about disliking the place where God has placed me or thinking He made a mistake when bringing me here.  I have not been missed matched.  I'm just longing for home, and my true home is not on this side of Heaven. My longing is not of this world and its material things.  The hole in my heart is God-shaped and only He can patch it up.  

I've known this for a long time, but reading this chapter has made it so clear, I just want to cry.

Like the author of the book says:

"I could move to Timbuktu.  It wouldn't really matter.  Despite the location of the patch of grass I call my own, it will never feel green enough or warm enough or fill-in-the-blank enough this side of the second Garden of heaven.  That longing for something better or best is a remnant of Eden - a chronic case of heart-burn that's been plaguing humanity since the first forbidden bite. Because you see, the enemy knew even then that if he couldn't steal our faith, he could at least try to distort our perspective."

And, it is all a matter of perspective: how we see things. Like when we go to the eye doctor and get a new prescription for glasses, our perspective needs adjusted on a regular basis as well.  Discontentment can dig up a rut so deep that it swallows us once we fall into it, keeping us from seeing, making us believe this is it.  In reality, we can step out of that ditch and discover the blessings that have been hidden due to our distorted view of our surroundings.  Not owning the dreamed ocean front condo means I'm free!  I'm free to plan visits to a wide variety of different ocean front properties around the world! If I had my own, I would be stuck having to go to that same one every vacation I take.  My finances are free since I am not enslaved by a lender that shackles my wallet with monthly mortgage payments. My mind is free since I don't have to constantly worry about maintenance, home owners association payments, repairs, renters, and the myriad of complications that come up with homeownership.  I'm free to keep planning trips that become lifetime memories of exciting adventures otherwise not possible.  

I know this is just a silly example, but contemplating the lessons in chapter 5 of this little book has reminded me that there is always a blessing behind every unrealized dream.  We just have to wake up, open our eyes, put on our new glasses, see it and give thanks for it. 

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12-13