Chill Pill

“I told you to let me know if you weren’t feeling well!! Why do you think I keep asking you? I know you are not feeling well. You needed to tell me before, when there was something I could’ve done about it. NOT NOW, when there is nothing I can do to help you!!!!!” I whispered-yelled at Grant after he finally admitted he was feeling unsettled on the plane back to Panama City. “I didn’t want to add to your worry and stress…” he confessed with a face so full of anguish that I could see it across the isle in the dark.

I have spent three and a half weeks worrying about all the details of our trip to Panama, making sure I kept all the ducks in a row. I had spent our vacation stressed out … believing the lie that I could keep everything under control. I had wasted the time thinking it all depended on me. And, as I realized on that regional plane back to the city, I had been so frazzled that even a 16-year-old boy had noticed so much so that he decided to rather suffer in silence than to come to me for help.

Sigh…

My obsession with self-reliance shatters not just my own peace, but the peace of those around me. My lack of trust in the One Who created me, thwarts not only my own ability to enjoy the ride, but it makes everyone else’s ride truly bumpy and unbearable.

I forget that peace comes with trust and dependence…but not in me…

Peace comes with trust and dependence in Him who sustains us.

Psalm 27 is a beautiful reminder of our need to stop fretting, for The Lord is with us; and if He is with us, nothing can hurt us…not even our own inadequacies.

The Lord is the Light, the Salvation and the Stronghold of our lives. Therefore, even when we face war, we need not fear. Instead, we must seek to dwell in His house, in His presence, and rest in His beauty, for that is our shield, our shelter, our safety. And no matter what, we would be covered by His peace because, as we remain in His presence, we know everything will be OK:

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14 

God provided a nice and super smooth flight and Grant ended up not throwing up. As I calmed down, the Holy Spirit gave me clarity of mind to ask my son to describe his symptoms, and I was able to discern that it could be heartburn. I gave him a few anti-acid chewables, and they did the trick. I sighed in relieve and realized I also need to take my anti-panic chewable found in fully reliance on God…my chill-pill, like Dan says, and just enjoy the ride without letting my obsession to control everything ruin it for me and for all those around.