Longing for Home

Have you ever felt a deep longing for home while in a long, wonderful vacation, one that you really looked forward to and which you truly enjoyed? That happened to Dylan this summer: “I want to stay, but I want to leave?” He’d tell me repeatedly toward the end of our visit to Panama this year. “I don’t understand!” He’d say. “I know, Dylan, I feel the same way. That’s what happens to those who have their hearts torn in between two places,” I said to him one night as he was drifting into sleep.

As an immigrant to the USA, I love this country, but I can’t help to feel conflicted in my heart. When I’m in the USA I long for my country of birth. When I’m in Panama I long for the States. It’s exhausting. It’s a sense of permanent homesickness.

In a way, I’m right in feeling this way. The reason we feel homesick is because our true home would not be found in this world. None of us ever will. We are just passing through here. No matter how much we seek for it, or how much we think we’ve found it, the home we long for is not here. We pant for it, like the deer in Psalm 42: 1-2

As the deer pants for streams of water, 

so my soul pants for you, my God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 

When can I go and meet with God? 

We walk through the hard roads of this world seeking for that true home, where we will finally feel comfortable enough to hang our hats and store our coats, sit down and put our feet up…only to realize we begin to feel restless the second we took our shoes off… Our souls turn downcast, and we wonder why? The reason is because what we seek is not a place. Our home is a person. We don’t really seek to find a brick and mortar house. We seek to meet God. And ultimately, we won’t get to enjoy the full measure of our True Home, until we are fully in His presence:

They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. John 17: 16 

As I left the room after tucking Dylan in and trying to comfort him, assuring him that we would be back in the USA soon and that he’ll begin to feel more settled once we are there, I thought about how we are all sort of immigrants in this world. Our hearts are all torn, after all…we love the blessings the Lord has given to us while here on Earth; but we continue to pant for Him, because, no matter how wonderful it may be down here for us, we are just not home yet.