When I look at pictures of from when Grant was a little boy, I don't know what to do with myself. He has changed so much...
I treasure and I believe I really have been able to be present in mind and body all throughout his young life...but...even so...I can't help but feeling guilty for blinking. It's as if life has slipped away like water through my fingers, without any hope of me being able to stop the wretched flow that transforms my little boy into a grown man...it's like a blessing wrapped into a curse. Of course we want our kids to grow up and have wonderful, healthy, happy lives...but...that means...we lose them a bit with each passing hour...
With each passing moment, they are closer to leaving us.
Today, as we stand on the day that Grant turns 17 and as he is but a few, short weeks from finishing his 11th grade, the inevitability of him flying away from us becomes a bucket of ice water poured down from above over our heads.
I look at old pictures and I can't describe what I feel. All I can say is that tears blur my vision and a tight knot on my throat cuts the air flow into my lungs...
A silent prayer finds its way to heaven...a prayer for a healthy life, a life walking with the Lord and a life I can witness, even if just for a little bit longer. I pray I can continue to be allowed to walk with my son for many more years to come...somehow...ever thanking God for the gift of his life and the blessings He has showered on me through the life of this boy. Happy Birthday Grant!
I love you,
Mama
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