The Comfort of a Quiet Presence

 The same way life is beautiful and filled with moments of joy, it is also filled with moments of loss.  In the years we've been married, Dan and I have experienced our share of both.  Today, I contemplate our moments of loss.  We've experienced the loss of loved ones: the death of Dan's Father and both of my parents, for one.  We've experienced the loss of dreams with the loss of a most awaited and desired pregnancy.  The loss of financial stability has visited us a couple of times with the loss of jobs.  The loss of health has been a companion of ours too.  The loss of the "normal" experienced mostly through Grant leaving for college...boy, did that hit us HARD!

Through each of these moments of loss and sadness, I think of what has brought most comfort to our hearts, and I realize it has been the ability to rely on Christ, and the ability to give each other space and to just hold each other in silence.  The worst ways to cope with our difficult moments have been those times when I had allowed words to escape my mouth.  For instance, I think of how, out of my own selfishness, insecurities and fear I was terribly harsh and exhibited total lack of compassion with hurtful words after the passing of Dan's Dad.  Almost twenty six years later my heart is still filled with regret and remorse.

At the end of Job chapter 2, we see an illustration of the power of silence as a tool to show solidarity with those who suffer.  After hearing about Job's troubles, his three friends showed up in his presence to bring comfort.  They witnessed Job's great distress and decided to just sit with him in silence for a while:

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2: 13

I absolutely love this image.  What compassion.  I know that later, after Job's friends decide it's time to speak, they do more harm than good...just like I did when I gave room for my words to come out of my mouth, rather than keeping it shut...but in this moment...for these seven days and seven nights, these men are doing exactly what they need to do:  offer their presence in quiet solidarity...suffering alongside their friend in need.  

Being there for someone, and knowing when silence is needed could be therapeutic for the person who is suffering so they can process their situation while not feeling alone...while knowing they are not alone.  We see in chapter 3 the result of these silence therapy:  Job's outburst in lamenting the day he was born.  Job needed that space of silent company in order to get the hurt out of his chest without interruptions.  We all process loss differently, but in reality, our needs are very similar: we need space without feeling abandoned.

Jesus needed this also on that fateful night in the Garden.  When He was facing the loss of His physical life on this Earth, He went to this place of peace with His disciples.  He didn't want to be alone at this hour of great pain.  But, He also knew He needed silence so He could have His quiet time with His Father. That's why He told them:   “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” (Matthew 26: 36b)  Then, He took His closest friends, and went further still and said:  “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26: 38)  Jesus needed the quiet company of His spiritual brothers so He could go through with the drinking of the bitter cup that was awaiting Him.  How much more would we need this in our bitter hour too?

I believe, one of the greatest gifts we can give a person going through their hour of great pain is the comfort of our quiet presence.  I pray the Holy Spirit would give us the awareness to be intentional about our efforts to be there for those who need us, and to know when it is time to just be ... without saying a word.  In Christ Precious Name.  Amen