What's my motivation?

His wife Zeresh and all his friends said to him, “Have a pole set up, reaching to a height of fifty cubits, and ask the king in the morning to have Mordecai impaled on it. Then go with the king to the banquet and enjoy yourself.” This suggestion delighted Haman, and he had the pole set up. 

Esther 5: 14

Have you ever had people who you trust give you bad advise?  Advise to be and act in harsh, mean, vindictive, vengeful, spiteful ways in response to someone having wronged you?  The advise sounds much appealing and justified.  We are hurt, beat, exhausted, depressed, angry, emotional, sad, humiliated...so the thought of taking back a shred of our dignity by paying back their wrong with mean seems like the right thing to do to satisfy our broken trust, heart, feelings, pride: "why should I put up with that *&%$#@ and let them get away with it?" "Why should I be nice to them when they have been so rotten to me?" "They're getting what they deserve."  "O yeah?  Well, I'll show YOU?"

Am I acting fairly or am I building my own gallows?

It's not fair that people seemingly get away with things they should never get away with.  It's just not right to take abuse and let the abuser go unpunished.  We can't be door mats and let people just walk all over us.  There's a fine line, however, between reacting out of spite with a desire to crush and destroy someone and acting justly against abuse.  

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’ 

Matthew 21: 12-13

This passage of Jesus overturning the tables at the temple is one of my favorite images of Christ...I know...but, for someone like me who overreacts to everything and who has overturned her share of tables, seeing Jesus taking action this way helps me live with myself.  The difference between Jesus actions and Haman back in the book of Esther is the motivation.  Jesus was motivated by righteousness.  Haman was motivated by pride.

Jesus was working towards the goal of helping people realize the error in their ways and how they should not bow down to the god of money and the idolatry of self, while Haman was working towards the exaltation of self at the expense of others.  Haman was willing to crush, destroy and kill others to make himself higher among men.  Jesus was willing to be killed to save us all, sinners and saints.

What is my motivation to be irate by what other people do to me?

That is the question I need to ponder in my heart every time I am feeling the sting of a deflated ego.

That's why I pray today, that the Holy Spirit will help me and all of us discern the reason for our ways and redirect us every time we begin to follow the path of pride.  May we always be aware of our motivations and know revenge belongs to God.  In the Precious Name of Jesus, the Only One who leads us where we need to go.  Amen!