A Million Dreams

I saw the movie The Greatest Showman for the first time last night.  I know...I finally moved out of the 1% group ... the percentage group of people who haven't seen this movie... anyway...

The thing is that I enjoyed the film way more than I ever thought I would.  I am particularly in love with the scene where the main characters, P.T. Barnum (Hugh Jackman) and his wife, Charity (Michelle Williams) dance and sing the song "A Million Dreams."

I think that is such a beautiful scene...flawlessly performed.  It is so amazing I had to research whether the actor/actress duo had really done it or if it was all computer design and animation.  They actually danced and singed the whole scene, much to their credit.  The thing is...what truly enraptured me and causes me to replay this particular scene over and over and over again tirelessly is the fact that it illustrates the freedom one finds in love.

The daring dance moves, the pure joy, the carefree and total abandonment seen in Charity are a perfect visual of how love can set you free!

Of course the scene is about romantic love between husband and wife.  Of course the scene is about how the wife is completely in love with her husband.  Of course the scene is about the exhilarating joy that overflows one's soul, heart and body when we have found the one we want to share our dreams with...of course the scene is about the fact that she fully and totally trusts him...enough to feel as if she can fly!

She trusts him enough to know that she is, indeed, free enough to attempt gravity defying jumps...because she knows he will be there to catch her if she falls...or rather, because she knows he will not let her fall...

However, the more I watch that scene I realize there is only one love like that:  the love of Our Lord!  There is no wonder one of the most common analogies of the love of Christ for the Church is that of marriage.  The often imperfect love and bond between husband and wife is the closest we can get here on earth to the relationship between Jesus and us...the good news is, that whereas earthly marriages fail and crash miserably... the marriage established in the Bible is the one that is meant to be forever...the one for which a man will leave his mother and father to join his woman until death causes physical separation while at the same time, bonds them together in spirit for all eternity.

Christ loves His bride so much He'd rather die for her than let her fall and be lost.

That's the kind of love that makes us light as a feather.  That's the kind of love that makes us dance on the ledge of a building and jump into His arms.  That's the kind of love that makes us spin around without getting dizzy.  That's the kind of love that breaks our chains and frees us to be who we were designed to be.  That's the kind of love that tears down walls and lets the light shine in!  That's the kind of love that rescues us from the pit.  That's the kind of love that pulls us out of the depths of the sea into the surface so we can finally breathe!

That's the kind of love that sets us free so we can fearlessly and courageously do His work, accomplish His purpose, walk along His path, fulfill His plan until we finally jump into His loving arms.

I will continue to have "a million dreams" about this movie and its magic; but I pray that each and everyone of those dreams guide me to the kind of love that leads to perfect trust in the One who gave it all...for me.

Mama Dieter

The Band

Me:      "Where do you guys want to go? I've been asking you for like a month and you haven't told me anything!  We are leaving in a few hours, c'mon!"
Grant:  "I don't know."
Me:      "Please, talk to your friends and tell me where you want to go.  I don't want to be in the middle of Time Square with a bunch of teenagers not knowing what or where we should go!"
Grant:   "I think they all want to go to the Nintendo store."
Me:       "Ay, Dios mio!..."

The weeks, days and hours leading to this year's Band trip were full of anxiety for me.  The moment I saw the final itinerary I began to lose it.  "What does this mean?  We are going to be let loose in Time Square in the evening?!!!!  I am so NOT going to survive this trip...sigh..."

I was SO nervous about that "adventure" in Time Square I didn't know how to get a grip.  I am not fond of New York City...so the thought of me leading a group of teens around the congested and colorful streets of Midtown Manhattan was giving me indigestion and heart palpitations.

When the moment for our "free time" in this novelty-filled, billboard lit part of the Big Apple came, I was a wreck.  By then, however, I had had more than 24 hours hanging out with the kids.  Therefore, I had discovered that I was surrounded by a crazy, goofy, fun-loving bunch.  And, although I didn't realize it at the time, I had even had sparks of pure glee in the middle of the mahem.

A rather large group of kids wanted to go to the Nintendo store by Rockefeller Plaza, so we headed that way only to realize, by the time we arrived there, that it was closed!  I mean, REALLY?  I guess they DO sleep in New York City after all?  So after that fiasco, the large group split into several smaller sections, and the Band Director and I stock together with 11 or so kids...wandering into over-priced stores, admiring the lights and crowds, and looking at street performers, hoping some of the jokes would go over the kids' heads!  As the time went by, and I became aware that we were not going to die... I was able to relax and actually enjoy myself...WOW!  But it wasn't until I heard one of the boys from the group, running to me, down the sidewalk, calling me "Mama Dieter, Mama Dieter!" that I realized I was actually loving life!

I don't think he will ever know how much of an impact him calling me "Mama Dieter" had in me.  As I remember the moment, I want to cry of joy...but that was the moment I was able to understand that God is in charge...all the time...even when we want to keep a tight hold of our circumstances...for a good cause: like not losing any of the kids I was chaperoning in NYC!  He's got it.  He knows what He is doing.  If I'd only let go and let Him be God...I could have such an easier and smoother ride...sigh...

We came back to the hotel and shared our chaperoning stories in our room.  That night, I couldn't sleep.  The bright lights of Time Square were still shining inside my eyelids.  The sights, the smells, the action were still too vivid in my mind...as it was the sound of that teen boy calling "Mama Dieter."  In the quiet hotel room, after my roommates had long fallen asleep, in the midst of the hectic pace of my thoughts, ...I praised the Lord for keeping us safe and for allowing me to see His hand in the chaos... steeding me...giving me peace and quieting my fears...for with Him, even the craziness of New York City is tamed by His loving presence and His comforting guidance.

We did make it to the Nintendo store the next day, when we had a bit of time back in that vicinity in the morning before heading to the Lincoln Center...I hauled by myself 11 kids there in record time...after all, I had promised, and they were grateful for it.

Grant loving every minute of it!

NINTENDO STORE TRIUMPH!

Chaperoning in NYC - Part 1

This past weekend I had the exceptional honor of being a chaperone for Grant's marching band annual trip.  This is my second time doing this.  The first annual trip I chaperoned was the Disney trip...what a trip...however, that was NOTHING compared to this year's...

This time I accompanied 87 band members to New York City.

Yes, I know...the bus ride to New York City was WAY better than the bus ride to Florida, of course!  But other than that...sigh...

The thing is that I LOVE Disney!  And when we went, once we got to the parks, the kids were able to be pretty much on their own with the occasional check in points throughout the days.  I am NOT in love with New York City and we had to keep a really, REALLY close/tight rope on the kids since we were loose around the Big Apple along the other 7 million people who call that place home.

I cannot even begin to tell you how scared and nervous I have been for the last 7 or so months since I first read the itinerary.  That is, actually, why I decided to volunteer as a chaperone.  I was not about to let Grant go without me.  The reality was so much more challenging than my imagination, that I can't even catch my breath still...

We ran around blocks.  We J-walked.  We hurried through the crowds.  We covered our noses as we gagged with the corner smells.  We rolled our eyes at people's vulgarity.  We covered our eyes at the sight of people's vulgarity.  We found out that 44th and 8th is NOT a nice place to hang out with teens.  Some even witnessed a random tasing incident!  sigh...

But... at the same time... we saw the most amazing sights!  We felt as if we were in a movie the whole time!  We played Jenga on a dinner cruise with the backdrop of the New York City Skyline in all its lit up glory!  We marvelled at the larger than life billboards in Time Square.  We learned about the arts, the opera and the symphony.  We played at Battery Park with the Statue of Liberty on our backs.  We felt our souls mourn the loss of the victims of that tragic September 11 morning.  We realized the immensity of the tragedy and, most of them, for the first time, imagined the magnitude of its impact.  We danced, we played, we talked, we got to know each other more, all within the blessing of the most gorgeous weather we've had so far!

Yes, it was challenging.  I am exhausted.  I did not like the food.  I had to share an uncomfortable bed with another chaperone.  I felt really crowded on my bus seat.  I saw things that will be hard to forget.  I am behind on my work.  I missed the other two members of my family.  But, I can't imagine myself doing anything else other than being in New York City, one of my least favorite places in the world, with that, 2-bus-loads full of band kids this past weekend.  I would not have rather done anything else.  And for this experience, I will praise the Lord for all the days to come.

Stay tune for another post on this subject as soon as I catch up on my sleep! 

 

Learning to Stroll

You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you. Isaiah 26: 3

I believe I've shared in here the truth about myself that I am always rushing.  No matter what, I always feel the need for speed.  Don't worry, I truly do not speed when I'm driving...because I'm a chicken...I'm too afraid of cops...but anyway...one sure way to detect my constant hurry is in the way I walk.  My co-workers always tease me about it.  And, to be honest, I hadn't noticed.  If it hadn't been for them pointing out my speed-walk-style, I would still be oblivious to it.  However, I've paid more attention lately, and yes...I do not know how to stroll.  I rush through the hallways in our building at work, and the moment I notice my speed is when I get caught behind other humans, and all of a sudden, the world seems to go on slow motion.

It's not only my feet that move fast.  This morning, I realized, my mind runs too.  I woke up way too early and couldn't go back to sleep because my brain was flooded with a thousand and one thoughts.  The list of things I have to do kept me awake, trying to figure out how to accomplish it all as soon as I could.  I rushed out of the house, rushed, rushed, rushed...and then came back home, rushing to begin to do more rushing things...then it hit me...in my rushing, I had forgotten to do my first morning reading.  

I neglected my few minutes of quiet time with the Lord in the early morning.  I neglected the one thing that could give me a hope for steadiness in my day.

I want peace.  I crave peace.  I made PEACE my guiding word for this year.  I pray for peace to flow in my life like a river.  I want to experience the peace that surpasses all understanding.  I want to dive into it...but I neglect to do the very thing that will most certainly connect me to the source of all peace...to the One Who Is Peace...I neglect to slow down and be still in His presence.  Instead, I hurry like I have the power to solve the issues of my life on my own.  I rush as if I had the power to be my own savior and deliverer.  I run around frantically as if I had the power to be my own god...

That's what rushing is, after all...thinking that I am powerful enough to take care of it all...

Sigh...

I need to let go of the thought that my destiny is in my own hands.  I need to trust Him.  I need to trust the One who designed my destiny, the One who created my path, the One who made the plan for my life, the One who lovingly walks beside me along the way that is Himself.

"Ruthlessly eliminate hurry" says one of my devotional readings today.  I pray that the Holy Spirit helps me to realize that hurry is an idol.  I pray I learn to slow down as I walk around the hallways at work as a sign of my repurposed worldview.  I pray I begin to discover the joy of a diminished pace as once and for all, I learn how to stroll.

Old Things Made New

It's odd to hear songs from one's youth when we are old...er..., don't you think?  The familiar tunes bring a melancholic fog that covers me and transports me to a past that, even though, often, it wasn't all that great, I tend to glamorize...

Sigh...

As I was driving down back home from a long-overdue grocery trip this afternoon, I began flipping through songs in the radio, searching for something captivating.  I usually do that in the weekends to try to stay current on the music that my students are listening to.  I tell you, however, my ears rarely can stand to stay on any given new song much longer than a few seconds before I need to switch it off...another sign I'm getting so old...

Usually, then, what happens is that I land on one of those overplayed songs from my high school or college days.  Today was no exception, as I stopped the maddening button pushing frenzy as soon as I heard the thrilling sounds of the Edge's characteristic guitar.  U2 was, and still is, my all-time-favorite band, you know?  So I tend to indulge myself in the electrifying melodies of this group once in a while.  Today's song was: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."  I can't believe it's been 31 years of this song's release, but that's another issue.

For some reason, the road from Grove City to Slippery Rock was completely empty this Saturday at mid-day...  the weather was perfect, so my windows were down, and the warm breeze was playing with my hair as I...sorry to say... indulge myself again and pressed a bit too hard on the pedal.  I rode on the desolate street with the background music of a soundtrack that has been with me for a long time, and I experienced something unexpected:  I was not really transported to my past.  I stayed in the present as the song became new to my ears. 

You see, even though I have loved this song for over thirty years, I never, truly listened to its words...until today, that is.  I always got caught up on the hook, and left out the core...

I believe when the Kingdom come

Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running.

You broke the bonds
You loosened the chains
You carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for...

sigh...

It is my declaration of faith...it is the declaration of my restlessness.  I believe in Christ, but I know there is something new...something else, He wants me to do...and I don't know what it is...but the knowledge keeps me seeking...keeps me looking.  The hope, however, lies on the truth that as I continue seeking Him first... He will reveal it to me...  He is the One Who Makes all things new...He is the One Who Makes old things new.

If He can make U2 sound fresh, I thought, then He can make me stop running and rest in His presence.  Zig zagging, up and down the hilly road I realized, however, that this constant searching is instilled in us by Him, to keep us awake...to keep us from falling into a rut.  And for as long as I stay alive, regardless of my condition or circumstance, the search must continue...until I finally fall into His arms when I get home...when I finally find, what I was looking for.

Problem Finder or Problem Solver

"That's impossible, we don't have time for that."  "I don't think we should do that, we don't have enough people to do it well."  "That's too complicated, we are all too busy." "It would be nice, but we don't have the resources to do that."  This is a small sample of the standard answers I have given when someone, at work, at home, at church, asks me if we should, or how we should do something potentially complicated.

In my personal life as well as in my professional and social life, I tend to be the person who can't help but to focus on the problem, rather than on the solution...

I woke up thinking about this fact about me.  And it troubles me a great deal.  While thinking about it, the Lord led me to the story of how Andrew brought the boy with the 5 loaves of bread and the two small fish to Jesus to feed the 5,000...

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”

Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” (John 6: 5-9)

I love this passage.  But I had forgotten about the first part of the interaction, when Jesus first turns to Philip with a test question...and Philip fails miserably.  I had forgotten that I am Philip.  

"Where/how shall we _________________ (fill in the blank), Gisela?  I have not the slightest clue, and I don't really want to take the time, my precious time/resources/intellect/strength/abilities to even consider thinking about a possible solution to the situation.  I don't even want to make the effort to look around for someone else who might be more than willing/able/ready to accomplish it.  I just don't want to be bother...so, from my perspective, it's impossible, Lord...it would take way more than what I have to do this...and it would still not be enough!

Sigh...

I am so familiar with the ways of Philip...I need to learn to be more like Andrew.  It only takes a few minutes of concentrated attention to detail to realize that, even though I might not be the one with the answers, there is someone else, right beside me who could have exactly what we are looking for.  it only takes unselfishness.  It only takes a little bit of caring.  It only takes faith...the kind of faith that causes us to look around, use our brain and put two and two together.  

Andrew knew they did not have the material resources to feed five thousand men plus all the women and children.  But he put two and two together by bringing someone who had very little to offer, to the One who can turn our meagerness into more than we can ever imagine...as long as we are willing to give it away.

What a lesson in humility.

Philip's thinking remain within the realm of the possible through his own efforts.  He never even considered that it wasn't about him or even the twelve.  It wasn't about what he, Philip or the collective group of disciples could do.  It was all about trusting Jesus.  It was all about knowing that He is the One who can.  It was all about knowing that it is not about us.

Andrew's simple faith gives us a great example of knowing that yes, we can't...by our own means it is impossible for us...but it is about the One who is able...so let us bring our inadequacies, our poverty, our weakness, our very little bit we've got to see Him turn it into unimaginable abundance.  I pray I can stop being the problem finder...anyone can see the problems...I pray that the Holy Spirit would turn me into a problem solver by intentionally bringing it to Jesus, especially when the odds against it are overwhelming...  

Students of the Truth

I'm a teacher...and often I discover that I am a bit too in love with the sound of my own voice.  I like the idea of impressing people with my knowledge and wit...so...I talk a lot in class.  Sometimes I talk too much...and as I am enraptured in my own words, it's happened that I've said the wrong things.  And let me tell you, if you ever think that young people are not listening to you when you try to lecture them, just wait until you make a mistake.  They are all too quick to call you on it right away!

When they call me out, O DEAR!  I do not like that one bit!  However, over the years, I have accepted it as a gift.  And I welcome their corrections, because the last thing I want to do is to lead them on the wrong path...so I commend them, instead.  I like it when my students call me on something, because that means they are thinking critically.  And ultimately, that is the best thing I can offer to them: opportunities to use their brain for discernment.

And that is the key: to discern truth.

What is truth?  Asked Pontius Pilate to Jesus.  The question was meant to be rhetoric...but there was and there is an answer since Truth was standing right in front of Him.  Truth is not a concept.  Truth is a Person.  Truth is Jesus. He testifies to the truth.  And as He states:  "Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to My voice." (John 18: 37)

Are we listening?

Are we measuring and testing everything we hear, see, perceive, think, witness, against the truth.  I don't pretend to know all there is to be known about Our Great God.  Of course, nobody ever could.  If the creation could understand all there is to be understood about the Creator, He would not be much of a God, would He?  God is utterly undecipherable. He is indescribable.  He is unexplainable.  But, knowing all that about Himself, He still wants us to know Him as much as our humanity allows.  Therefore, He has given us His Word.  He has also given Himself to us in the Person of Jesus and He has endowed us with Himself within us, in the Person of the Holy Spirit.  Those are our sources of truth.

The world rejects them.  But as Christians, they are the rafts that keep us from drowning in the sea of confusion that is this age we live in.  If we don't hang on to them...if we don't measure everything this current age of information presents to us against the truth, we are in serious danger of being led astray by the myriad of false teachings that plague today's society.  We live in a world where misguided opinions pass for valid truth.  Powerful forces have destroyed the sacred as unholy practices become the norm just to please and appease public opinion.  And we are left in despair...confused...doubting the common sense of our core beliefs.

However, the truth remains.  Truth is a Person and He is Alive!  Christ Reigns over all the earth and regardless of the mess we have made of it, there will be a day when, at the sound of His Name Every Knee Will Bow. (Romans 14:11)

What to do, in the meantime?  Keep calm, and trust His plan!

As we wait for the Lord, we can do as my students do:  beware of the intentional or unintentional false teachings that might be filtering through the channels we are tuned into.  Discern the truth and measure all against the teachings of the Bible.  Then, in love and respect, try our best to call out the lies/confusion and wait for the Holy Spirit to act.  It is out of our hands what happens once we speak up.  Chances are, we are not going to convince anybody who believes the consensus.  Chances are, we are not going to be able to stop anybody from going with the wave.  But we can always entrust them to the Holy One, to the One who can.

As students sitting at the desks of the classroom of life, it is our mission to use our God-given brain and polish our ability to think critically.  But we are also called to love and our efforts must be always guided by our love of others, not by a desire to be right.

May the Holy Spirit grant us a keen ability to discern the truth and a strong desire to act in love.

Who is This Man?

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" 
Mark 4: 41

I know I have addressed this issue before, but it has been in my mind the last few days because I heard several acquaintances recently, expressing their disdain for the church and religious persons as a whole.  The problem is not their criticism of the church and of religious institutions.  What I see as a big issue is the fact that they seem to be discarding and rejecting God Himself, due to their negative views of the body of Christ.

Of course I am deeply sensitive, and my soul grieves when I hear about horrible encounters that some have had with Christians.  Atrocities in the name of religiosity are not to be condoned.  Jesus, Himself, was the harshest with the religious figures of the day.  The problem arises, however, when we equate religion with God.

The corrupted minds and actions of religious leaders are the product of our fallen nature and of our depravity...not of God.  Rejecting Our Heavenly Father because we reject the church is taking our sensibilities too far.

I think, our paths are plagued with the poisonous weeds of greed, pride, selfishness and all other sin.  I believe that there are moments of doubt in everyone.  I know that there comes a point when we question our faith.  Those are the moments for self-reflection.  A pause would be necessary then, to examine ourselves and find out exactly what we are questioning.  Maybe for some, it would be wise to start at the beginning.  Do I doubt the historicity of Jesus?  Did a man called Jesus ever lived?  I think that regardless of where one would look, finding out that Jesus did exist and did walk on this earth is inevitable.  With that out of the way, the next defining question should be, in my opinion:  Who is Jesus to me?

This question has nothing to do with the church, religion, religious leaders, ministry, family history or anything anybody else may say.  This is an intimate question that can only be answered by the individual out of the fire that burns or doesn't in their heart.  It is a Holy Spirit-inspired answer that can only come from listening to the voice of the One Who Calls us.

The answer to this question is what guides us and what keeps us on the path.  The answer to the question, Who do I say that Jesus is? represents my north.  Regardless of the corruption and decay of the world around me and within the church itself, my answer, depending on what it is, will keep me either fixed on His Face, and on seeking Him first... or centered on the material, seeking to fulfill my deepest longings by my own means, rejecting the truth, the way, and the life.

We have probably heard the idea that we all have a "God-shaped-hole" in our hearts.  If that hole doesn't get filled by God, it gets filled by man-made things, mainly self.  The original quote where the thought comes from says:

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.”
- Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)

One of my acquaintances said:  "I only believe in the power of keeping a positive mind, the rest is all about my own hands and my intellect."  

That comment saddened me to no end.  I'm afraid that comments like that are becoming the norm around the world.  We are not taking the time to consider the question, "Who is This Man?"  We are increasingly ignoring Him, The One to whom the winds and the waves obey.  We are consistently filling our God-shaped hole with self and superficial spirituality.  We are intentionally walking away from the Maker and embracing our own creations as worthy of worship.  

I pray for revival.  I pray that the people of God would be able to speak truth.  I pray for strength.  I pray for Jesus to reveal Himself to His beloved and cause a great stirring that would wake us all up, and make us worship of the One at whose Name every knee shall bow.  I pray we all take the time to stop and ask ourselves, "Who do I say that Jesus is?" as if our very lives depended on our answers...because they do.

Curling Up With Jesus

Last week, I believe it was on Maundy Thursday to be precise, I was in the car and I caught the tail end of a broadcast of Focus on the Family that was amazing.  The guest speaker was Michele Cushatt, a Christian author and speaker who has struggled with three bouts of cancer among several other challenges in her life.  The portion I heard was near the end, when the host of the show asked her to speak directly to the members of the audience who, at that very moment, were thinking that message was for them because right then, they were journeying through the valley of the shadow of death...

Mrs. Cushatt said something that deeply touched me.  And I wanted to reproduce it here because I think her words were very powerful for all to hear, so I went to the website of the show and found the transcript.  This is what Michele Cushatt said:

Oh, my friend, for you, the one who’s listening right now who’s suffering, who’s just experiencing this gut punch of pain, and you have no idea how you’re going to get through, first, before anything, I want you to know you’re not alone. You are not alone. It feels like you are, but you are not.

What I want you to do is, I want you to take a moment and picture yourself walking in the Garden of Gethsemane, and you see Jesus there on his face weeping and crying, because He knows the pain and suffering that’s coming to Him. And He’s laying there, and He’s weeping, and He’s crying because He doesn’t want the pain, and He doesn’t want the suffering. But at the same time, He loves you. He loves you so much He can’t bear it. And all I want you to do is just curl up and sit next to Him because simply, in that moment, with Jesus on his face weeping and agonizing, He wants you to know you’re not alone in your own pain and your own agony. He literally came and experienced horrible pain so that way, even though you would have some pain right now and some suffering right now, that a day is coming that you would never again need to feel pain, and you would never again need to feel aloneness and isolation so that way you could be with Him forever. I just want you to hang out with Him in that place and know He sees you, He knows you, and He understands you are not alone. And then simply be open - open your heart and your mind to letting Him walk with you through your pain. He will not leave your side. He will not leave you exactly where you are today. And let Him walk with you through it one day at a time.

I loved every word...every image...every feeling hearing this made me experienced.

Next day, on Good Friday night, Grant and I watched the movie The Passion of the Christ.  I couldn't watch the whole thing because I had signed up to do my one-hour prayer vigil at 10pm, but I did get to see the scene of Jesus in the Garden...and of course, the words of Michele Cushatt rushed back to me... I watched the actor portray the agony of Jesus in such a vivid manner, that I couldn't help but feel it.  The time for my prayer vigil came, and I went into a room by myself, with a candle lit...remembering Good Friday Tenebrae Service which we had attended earlier, when Pastor Doug said that the Jesus Candle is never extinguished... and I curled up in there, with Jesus... in the Garden... in that very moment when He and I shared the most human of emotions:  the agony of fear... I realized that is the moment when we see Jesus as Man and as God in all clarity.  The man fears the pain that is coming and tries to avoid it.  God accepts it and takes it and bears it because of love.

I want to remember these thoughts on my next hour of pain, agony and suffering.  We have a Savior who has been there...and best of all... we have a Savior who is Lord over our pain and will be there when it hits us again, until the day it cannot hit us anymore, because we will be safe and secure in His loving arms...with His scarred hands wrapped around us for eternity.  In the meantime, let's curl up with Jesus in the Garden as we endure the seasons of hardship...