Masterpiece

 Well, this is the second weekend we are spending without Grant in the house.  I have been waiting to feel less sad before writing about him going to college and leaving the nest...but...it seems as if that is not going to happen any time soon.  So, I'm just going to start now.  Otherwise he'd be graduated before I could ponder this things without getting sentimental.

So, today, I just wanted to share the lyrics of a song that for years was performed by our Dear Debbi at church as a tribute to the graduates.  I remember, sitting in the pews, with Grant on my lap, hearing this song and witnessing parents all around me just losing it as they contemplated the words and the beautiful performance...and their new reality of having their children graduate.  I would bury my face on Grant's soft hair and inhale his baby fragrance, praising God for him, but knowing that one day that would be me.

That day came this year.  Debbi didn't get to sing the song.  All was upside down because of the current circumstances.  Grant's graduation ceremony was held at a Drive-In Movie Theater.  There was no party.  There was no trip.  No big hurrays.  The Senior skip-day lasted months.  And now, he is not home anymore...and I just feel like there was no closure to this chapter of our lives.  It's as if, all of a sudden, I blinked...and now he is a grownup ... out from under my wings ... without me knowing how that happened...

I guess that's how parents feel regardless of whether there is any type of closing ceremony or not.  It just feels surreal and disorienting.  What I am feeling and experiencing has been felt and experienced ever since the first kid ever left home and went to do life on his/her own.  I just can't get a grip. I'm having a hard time accepting it.  I'm piling up work and burying myself under the mundane...but, the sensation of asphyxiation doesn't go away.  I can't let go.

So, I'm hoping that expressing my agony may help me begin to assimilate the fact that God loves Grant more than I do... which, though it seems unfathomable... is true.  I just need to remember that, after all...He is the Only One who has died for Grant.

The lyrics of "You Are a Masterpiece," the song by Sandi Patty that so beautifully Debbi sang are my song to Grant.  Listening to it today was a combination of devastating and comforting...so I hope that marks the beginning of the road in my attempts at closing this chapter of my life. Thank you Lord, for all!

To listen to the song, click the link right below

You Are a Masterpiece by Sandy Patty

Before you had a name or opened up your eyes
Or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.

With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet
And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.

You are a masterpiece
A new creation He has formed
And you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me
Little Lamb of God, you are a masterpiece.
And now you're growing up your life's a miracle
Everytime I look at you I stand in awe
Because I see in you a reflection of me
And you'll always be my little lamb from God

And as your life goes on each day
How I pray that you will see
Just how much your life has meant to me.

And I'm so proud of you
What else is there to say?
Just be the masterpiece He created you to be.

Source: <a href="https://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sandi-patty-lyrics/masterpiece-lyrics.html">click here</a>

Strangest Days

 Why is it so hard to keep the smile on sometimes?  Why is it that so often the weight of the world suddenly seems to land on my shoulders…crushing me?  Why is it so difficult to just be content?

The days are so strange lately.  It feels as if the earth has changed its spin.  There’s been a shift that I can’t quite comprehend…let alone get used to it.  My surroundings seem unfamiliar.  And I refuse to just adapt.  I long for the stability of the old.  New scares me.  Change has always felt as if someone has removed the floor right from under my feet… and I’m just left falling into a bottomless void.

Everyone is so scared and confused.  I just want the quiet confidence of peace and trust.  Control is an illusion.  I must let go.  There is comfort in the realization that it is all out of my hands, but I’m not there yet.  My hands are still holding on in vain. 

In my mad rush to save my life, will I just lose it?   What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (Matthew 16: 24-27)  I’m so very deeply flawed.  Forgiveness is my only hope.  I hope in the Love, the most perfect Love that finds me and covers me in His perfection as He washes me clean.  The Love that calls me His own even when I don’t deserve it.  The Love who doesn’t charge me for my wrongdoings but pays my debt in full.  That's the love who gives me hope. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15.  It is my nature to do the wrong thing.  I hope in the Love who saves me from myself.  I trust His forgiveness…and I pray I can just let go.

Where is Your Armor of God?

 Many years ago...I'd like to say...maybe 10 or so? I was supposed to give a talk about the Armor of God, so I bought a toy set to use as a prop.  It looked really cute on the picture.  It was delightfully girlish, white and purple, perfect for my lesson to a group of women.  For some reason, the talk got switched to a different topic...I can't remember why or what I ended up talking about...so I didn't get to use my toy armor.  Actually, I never even open the box.  I figured I'd return it.  Time kept passing, and the box was still sitting in my basement.  I thought I'd just give it to the church or to someone who might want it for their daughter or granddaughter.  But, weeks became months, months became years...and the box continued unopened.  We moved to another house...and...yes, you guessed it...the full armor of God is still in a forgotten corner of my basement, perfectly wrapped as it was the day I received it all those years ago (it's actually in our garage now, since we cleaned our basement this summer).

Anyway...

As I wrap up my brief reflection on Ephesians 6: 10-18 the memory of that toy armor of God came back to me in a convicting manner.  Is my real Armor of God neatly packed in a box too?

Paul's instruction is very simple: "Put on the full Armor of God!" (Ephesians 6: 11)  It's plain and clear.  And what is the Armor of God?  It is Jesus, our faith and the Word, handed down to us by our Heavenly Father who wants us to be able to stand against the enemy's schemes while still walking on this world.

The Belt of Truth = Jesus

The Breastplate of Righteousness = Jesus

The Gospel of Peace = The Word = Jesus

The Shield of Faith, in Jesus

The Helmet of Salvation = Jesus

The Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God = Jesus

But...what are we doing with our Armor?  Are we wearing it? Or, is it still neatly packed away and forgotten?  OK...I want to wear it, but how?  

Well, for starters, we don't leave it wrapped in the box for years without end.  We don't leave it sitting in a forgotten corner collecting dust.  We don't move it from house to house just because we feel guilty at the thought of leaving it behind.  Instead, we receive it as a perfect gift, given to us with immeasurable love.  We open it.  We unwrap it.  We ask Jesus to put it on us, to clothe us with Himself every single day.  As we receive Jesus, we pray for His presence to be evident to us always.  We open the Bible and read it.  We fall in love with Christ.  We ask Him to increase our faith.  We repeat every single day.

I don't know yet what I will do with my toy armor...I might finally donate it to our church's children ministry if they could use it.  I might sell it at our next yard sale.  I might just keep it in remembrance of what NOT to do with it.  But one thing I do know for sure is, I must put on my real armor, for the days are evil, and without it, I won't be able to stand firm in my struggles.

May the Lord lead us on our quest to wearing His Armor daily, so the world may not crush us, and the battles won't defeat us.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Be Alert and Pray for Others Always!

With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6: 18b

As a teacher, I'm used to being able to set aside a nice chunk of time in the summer to relax and recharge.  Boy, has that NOT been the case this year...sigh...I have felt as if the spring semester never ended.  There has been no break in the flow of work... It's been such a continuous current of problems, issues, responsibilities and tasks that my post-it-notes to-do lists have become notebooks of memos.  

Sigh...

I'm not complaining.  I am blessed to have a great job.  God's provision through this hard times have been amazing, and I am truly grateful.  I am also SO grateful that God has placed a really capable and organized assistant by my side.  She is super diligent and efficient.  I could not do this without her.  She catches me in my absent mindedness and keeps me on track. But...still...I'm just exhausted.  I feel as if I can't let my guard down for one second...or I'd be crushed by the weight of a pile of stuff I didn't see coming.  I have to be alert always, or else, I'd miss something important.

I wonder if that's kind of what Paul warns us about in Ephesians 6: 18b when he says to "be alert"?

It's not enough to wear the Armor of God every day...but, once we have it on, we must remain alert, on the lookout, so we might not fall victims of sneak attacks.  The enemy takes no breaks...neither should we.  That constant state of attention could, however, be totally debilitating, though... how do we survive?  How do we maintain our stance 100% of the time?  What happens if we get distracted, and for a moment, let our guard down?

Well...I guess that's why Paul is commanding us to "always keep on praying for all the Lord's people," right afterwards.  We can't do this alone.  We need all the support we can get.  We know we never fight our battles alone.  If we are wearing the full Armor of God, we know Jesus is with us.  But, He also places the rest of the family of God around us, as a circle of life and protection right here and now.  We activate that circle with our prayers.  When we pray for one another, our defenses become strong and impenetrable.  As we constantly keep our brothers and sisters in Christ in our prayers, our guard is always up, even when we are too weak and tired.  When we are absent minded and distracted...the Lord's people's prayers keep us on track...they are like the faithful assistant, whose eyes catch what we miss and who always has our back.

I have to remember this when I feel weighed down by the heavy burdens of the battlefield: I am not alone.  I have a whole army that's got my back.  And, in turn, I belong to that army too.  Therefore, I've got the backs of my brothers and sisters in arms as well.  My prayers build their walls of protection as they build mine.  May I never forget to lift the Lord's people up in prayer every day...for that's how we stay in this race.  Amen!

Praying in the Spirit

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. Ephesians 6: 18a

"I don't know how to pray," is Dylan's response every time we ask him to say a prayer.  "It's just talking, Dylan...it's just a conversation," we would tell him.  "Yeah...but, I don't know what to say?!" Is what Dylan inevitably responds to our pep talk...but he won't budge, and someone else ends up saying the prayer...sigh...

Dylan is not the only one feeling insecure about praying, especially aloud, around other people.  I have also, often, avoided it.  I am very self conscious about speaking in public, especially in English...so...I shy away from praying aloud because it makes me feel vulnerable....I just don't know what to say or how to say it.  Some people have such gift for prayer.  Listening to them alone is a blessing.  And here I come...tripping over my words...mispronouncing them...having mental gaps...sigh...

The thing is, I keep forgetting that prayer is not about me.

It does not matter if I am not eloquent, vivid or grandiose.  What matters is that I am in the Spirit when I pray.  What's important is that I am one with the Holy Spirit as I allow His guidance in prayer flow through me to create perfect communication and community.  It is not me...it is Him!

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8: 26

When we pray in the Spirit, it is the Spirit who speaks.  He uses our voices, our weaknesses, our hurdles, our anxiety, our personalities, our gifts to express what we ought to say, but don't know.  When we consciously and intentionally place ourselves in the presence of the Holy Spirit by invoking Him before we pray, what results is an empowering communion with our source of strength.  Regardless of what it might sound like, our prayers are powerful because we are in the Spirit!  

Jesus Himself told us not to be full of ourselves when we pray.  Indeed, Jesus gave us a full lesson on prayer in Matthew 6: 5-13

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

10 your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us today our daily bread.

12 And forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one."

This is all we need to know about prayer.  Jesus Himself taught it to us.  I just love Him so much!  Verse 7 makes me chuckle...as it shows very clearly it is not about me.

Last night Dylan surprised me.  I was trying to wrap up my endless work "to do" list, when Dylan came in and asked me if we could pray.  Of course I got irritated: "why don't you ask your Dad?  He is upstairs doing nothing.  I'm working here! Tell me you understand what I'm saying.  I want to know if you understand!"  Of course I immediately felt guilty...sigh... "I'm sorry...I just...OK, you pray!" I said.

Then, for the first time ever, without saying anything to try to get out of it, Dylan began to speak:  "Dear Lord, thank you for my Mom's birthday.  Thank you for her 52, 53, 54 years...and I pray you give her many, many years more...and that she can live infinitely with You someday. Amen" 

Yeah... happy slap on the face to me...

I gave him a hug and and he said, "I blanked out when I was going to say your age...I forgot how old you were!"  We both laughed, and I praised God for my little boy and asked for forgiveness for my wretched heart.  

I pray, we learn to be in the Spirit always so He can guide us in all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  In His Precious Name, Amen!

The Shield of Faith

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Ephesians 6: 16

I am a huge superhero fan.  I know...but...there's something about having super powers that speaks to me... One of my favorite is Captain America (yeah...I'm not into capes).  I like him because he has core values and he represents what's good about America and about humanity.  And, I LOVE that shield.  I mean, really!  It defies all laws of physics!  It is a super shield.  It's indestructible.  It is tossed, smashed, burned, pounded, and it withstands it all with just a few scratches.  What an incredible tool!  Without it, Captain America is left unprotected.  Of course, he is strong enough to survive, but, his mission is much easily accomplished when his trusty shield is at hand.  It even protects others.  I've seen him cover Black Widow with it more than once.

At any rate, the shield is Captain America's trademark.  He can't truly be Captain America without it.

It is the same with us.

Christians cannot be fully Christians without our shield. 

Yes!  We have a shield!  Isn't it amazing?  And it is made of something stronger than vibranium.  It's made out of faith.  And our faith on the One and Only not only protects us, but it leads us to victory! 

This shield of faith has the power to extinguish the flaming arrows, bullets, cannon balls, bombs, missiles, lazers, nuclear warheads and all the arsenal the enemy might throw at us.  None of the weapons of the devil can penetrate the shield of faith God has handed us down in the person of Jesus the Christ.  It's covered on His blood and His flesh and nothing can ever possibly break through that.  With His arms stretched out wide on the cross, Jesus forms the perfect shield of protection and as long as we remain in His shadow, nothing can touch us.

Our shield defies all the laws of this world, and at the soft whispering of His very Name we have it in our hand, covering us...protecting us...keeping us alive...making us victorious!

Like Captain America, let's suit up, and never walk around without it.  May the Lord increase our faith so we are always shielded from the relentless attacks of the one who seeks to destroy us and separate us from our source of power and strength.  Amen!