A Shelf of Peace

 I don't know about you, but clutter really messes me up.  I mean, I am NOT a neat freak AT. ALL. I just want to say that up front.  I know neat people, and to them I am a pig...no offense to pigs...

The thing is, that even though I'm not super neat, I do have to have at least one room, one space, one area, one drawer, something, where I can focus my eyes and exhale.  Of course I would prefer to have the entire house be orderly and decluttered.  That's impossible, however, mainly due to the fact that in addition to the fact that I, myself I'm messy, the other people who live here are even messier than me.

At any rate, that's why I am content with having just one place that is orderly and the way I like it so once in a while I can set my eyes on it, and reset.  In my home office, for instance, it's a shelf that I have right in front of my desk.  Every time I need a mental break, I look at it and it helps me.  Every object on that shelf is where I want it to be.  There's nothing there that I don't intend it to be there.  Nobody places keys or empty cups or half-eaten candy or dirty socks on it.  So, when my day becomes all twisted and out of control, when things don't go the way I planned them and complications, opposition, conflict arise, I sit back on my chair and stare at my shelf for a few minutes and I can start to breathe again.  It's like the shelf reminds me that, even though my life might not reflect it, there is order in this world...not just chaos.  

And, you know what? In a very small and rustic way, the shelf is a metaphor for the Christian life.  When life is out of control, and complete disorder and confusion seem to be the norm, when we don't know where we're headed, and chaos appears to be ruling our personal lives as well as society and the world at large...there is a place we can look at to re-center:  The Cross of Jesus.  

It is on the Cross that Jesus bridged the gap between God and humanity.  On the Cross, Jesus cleaned house.  On the Cross He restored the order that God had established back "in the beginning."  And, no matter how much us humans like to mess it up again, and again...the Cross stands as a tall reminder that it's not about us and how much chaos we bring to the world.  It is all about Him.  He is in control, and we have to look no further than His Cross to re-center and re-focus.  That's the redemption He has brought into our lives: order in the midst of confusion and disarray...cleanliness in the midst of clutter and dirt.

I cannot keep my house fully decluttered because humans live in this house.  The same way, I cannot expect the world, society, the government, work to be neat and in perfect order because all of those are packed full with humans too.  However, I know where to keep my eyes fixed on when I need my fix of sanity and order.  When I feel as if everything is imploding or collapsing in front of me, I have to look above all the fray and stare at the Cross of Jesus...I have to find His Face and fix my eyes upon Him...until I see the things of earth growing dimer...in the light of His glory and grace.

"For God is not a God of disorder but of peace--as in all the congregations of the Lord's people." 

1 Corinthians 14: 33

Prayer First

 "Courage is fear that has said its prayer."  Call me crazy, but I'd never heard this quote before until this past Sunday when our Pastor said it...and it was mind blowing!  Apparently the quote is very popular, so much so, that it has been attributed to different people, one of them an actress from the Silent film era, go figured...  My guess is that when a famous person like that says something so remarkable like this quote, people remember it more, and start associating it with that person. 

At any rate...the thing is, the quote really impacted me.  It made me remember a couple of years ago when I was watching an action movie with the boys and someone said something alike:  "you have to be a little bit afraid in order to be courageous."  The scene was a Dad trying to encourage his young son.  I remembered at that time, Dylan was most impacted by that...but so was I.

The thing is, as much as I am ashamed to admit it, fear is a big part of my life.  I hate myself for it...but it is a reality I cannot deny.  It is a struggle I've carried since ever.  When I was a little girl, I was permanently afraid of the thought of losing my parents.  You see, they had me in their 40s...so, I was the kid with old parents.  When my friends' Moms were in their 30s, my Mom was in her 50s...that worried me very much.  I grew up and the fears continued...most of them associated with fear of loss: loss of health, loss of stability, loss of loved ones...you name it...I was afraid of it.  There was one fear in particular, though, that sticks out among the others: the fear of being paralyzed...I don't mean physically, though that frightens me very much too.  What I mean is, I'm afraid to be paralyzed by fear itself.

I want to be courageous enough to do what I have to do even if I´m afraid.  I do not want to be that person who does not do anything because she is too afraid to do anything.

This is why the quote speaks to me so much.  The inspired words remind me that fear is not the problem.  Fear is actually a necessary element in courage.  The problem is when we allow our fear to disconnect us from the One who makes us courageous.  And how does fear do that?  It does it, when it keeps us away from prayer: the conduit, the cable that plugs us into our source of power and strength.  

King David showed us in many occasions how staying connected to God through prayer was the key to renewed courage and strength.  His entire life was an example of that...hence God's expression of praise for David, when through Samuel, He declared how the son of Jesse was a "man after His own heart." (1 Samuel 14: 13)  In the Psalms we see this, and one in particular calls my attention today:

Be merciful to me, my God,

for my enemies are in hot pursuit;

all day long they press their attack.

My adversaries pursue me all day long;

in their pride many are attacking me.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise—

in God I trust and am not afraid.

What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56: 1-4

We see clearly here that David's first step, when facing hardship, was to pray:  "Be merciful to me, my God..."  In his moment of affliction, David always went to the Lord in prayer.  He presented his trouble.  He opened up and confessed his fear.  He recounted the troubles.  Then, we witness the progression of his conversation with God.  We see courage emerging when the Spirit reminds him to put his trust in Him, "In God, whose word I praise..." And as he is reminded of how God is with him, he is able to stand and know that "in God" there is no need to be afraid.  

This is how "fear says its prayers:"  when we put prayer first, always first...never ceasing... That´s when we see courage follow...

May the Holy Spirit maintain us plugged into the source of all power through the connection of prayer.  In Christ Precious Name.  The Name above all Names.  Amen!

Lift Up My Eyes, Lord!

 "Have a good day, Dylan!  Remember, look up at the stands if you need instructions!" Dan yelled out at Dylan from our front door, as he was walking away to catch the bus on a yet, another blistering cold and snowy morning.  "He never does..." Dan sighed, looking at our son battle the elements outside...pondering how much easier it would be if he'd do what he was told.

One of Dan's source of pride and joy is the fact that he played basketball all through High School in a team that won the regional championship and ended up among the top-ten in the state when he was a Senior.  Dylan shares Dan's love for the game and he wants to be a star player.  Dan keeps trying to give him tips and training...but...as anyone who has ever met a teenager...they don't like to listen very much, especially to their Dads.  So, Dan's source of frustration has always been Dylan's reluctance to do what he tells him.  That day, Dylan had a home game and we were planning to attend: another blessing from working from home...so Dan was trying to remind him to look up at where we would be sitting in case he felt he needed some guidance...but Dylan never does...

At that moment, I thought of Psalm 121 verses 1-2:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

I have always loved these verses...ever since I heard them in the now classic song by Casting Crowns: Praise You in the Storm, the words have become tattooed in my brain.  Back then (this song was released in 2006) I didn't know they were from Scripture.  It wasn't until a while later, when I was participating in a Bible Study on the Psalms of Ascent that I realized it...and I was marveled.  I was also convicted...how is it that these words have been always there for me, and I had never seen them?  I've own a Bible since I was a kid...and I never knew these verses...I guess I haven't been lifting up my eyes as often as I should have...

 I guess I don't look up to "the stands" either...like EVER.  I guess I'm just as guilty of not listening.  I guess I'm just as stubborn...and as full of pride...thinking I don't need "instructions."

I guess, in a very small way, as parents, we experience a bit of what God goes through with us when we ignore Him.

It was funny to hear Dylan recently make a comment of something his basketball couch had said, which was exactly something Dan had told him a million times before...but the words never sank in until he heard them from someone else.  What is that all about?  Why are we like that?  Why does it take so long for us to learn?

I have no clue...I'm the world's slowest learner when it comes to the things of the spirit.  I'm too tuned into the world, I guess...to hear the frequency of the voice of that speaks to my soul.  Here's the need again, for silence.  I don't know how to quiet myself long enough to hear the voice of My Coach...I just pray He leads me to it ... so He lifts my eyes up to the place where my help comes from.  In Christ Precious Name.  Amen

Encouraging and Rejoicing with Others

When I lost my parents, I lost my biggest fans...they thought I could do anything!  It was kind of funny to me because they just seemed blinded to my imperfections and inadequacies.  They just believed in me and encouraged me all the way no matter what.  I wish I could be like that to my sons. Unfortunately, so often, I find myself being the one who plants doubt in their ears...my own insecurities filtering down to my kids...it's shameful.  I feel like one of the people who opposed the rebuilding of the Temple in Ezra 4:4

Then the peoples around them set out to discourage the people of Judah and make them afraid to go on building.

How many times I have been the one discouraging not just my sons but those around me, trying to make them afraid to "go on building."  With my words and actions I tear down when I should be building up...often I don't even have to say anything, because my facial expressions do the talking.  I find my kids intently looking at me when I'm trying not to say anything, because even in my silence I scream...sigh...

I'm so sorry about that...I don't want to be this person who moves others to lower their expectations.  I want to be the one who brings them up and help them spread their wings of possibilities...I want the Holy Spirit to change me and give me what it takes to become an encourager...a blessing...

I don't want to be the one who joins in the tearing apart of others.  I want to be the one who moves others to build each other up.

The people in this passage from Ezra 4 were actually jealous, if you think about it.  I think they suspected that Judah was in on something big, out of this world, supernatural even, and they wanted in.  They wanted to be a part of it, even if it wasn't meant to be like that.  When they got rejected, that's when the plots to discourage and to sabotage Judah's efforts began.  But there is no sense trying to stop God's plans for ourselves or for others.  This was God's given mission to His people in exile: that they would go back to their promised land, and rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem.  Those around must have recognized the divinity of this plan and they didn't just want to rejoice with the people of Judah.  They were not content with cheering them on and encouraging them.  They wanted a piece of that heavenly cake.  And when they didn't get it...they threw a fit.  

It might seem counter-intuitive, but, if we are honest with ourselves, sometimes it is hard to rejoice with others when they are getting something we also want for ourselves...but we are not getting...It is easier to be sad with them when they didn't get it either.  I don't know if this is ringing any bells with anyone...but, I know I've been there many times...and I don't want to be like that.  I want to be the one who rejoices in the joy, accomplishments, gains, happiness, wins of others even if I'm feeling like I should be getting it also...and I'm not.  I don't want to be that selfish, that I ruin the celebration because I'm envious...I want to have the clarity of mind to understand and accept when God's plans for others does not include me.  I want to remember that God has His own, uniquely crafted plan for me too.

sigh...

I pray that the Holy Spirit will inspire me, change my heart and lead me to a way of life where I can help others see the potential that lies inside of themselves and encourage them to accomplish their God given plans for their lives...even if in my distorted view of myself, I feel insecure about my own path and my own gains.  I pray the Holy Spirit clears my vision and allows me to see my own God-given plan and my own unique and divine pathway while I rejoice on how those who walk with me find their own way too.  In Christ's Name. Amen!

I Hate Disruptions!

 We are doing some work in our main bathroom, and I'm very anxious to see it finished because the construction is becoming a huge inconvenience.  The noise is interfering with my classes (students are wondering whether I'm in the middle of a war zone or something) the dust is exacerbating my allergies and the clutter is driving me insane!  I have a bathtub in my bedroom, a toilet in the hallway, I get splinters in my feet every time I walk upstairs and I have to go to Grant's room every time I need a, hairbrush, a hair tie or toilet paper.  UGH!!! 

It's been almost 3 weeks, and due to some unforeseen issues, there is still no significant progress done.  I'm getting very frustrated.  Then, due to baby "snowmagaddon" our contractor called to let us know he won't be able to make it today. "It's not even snowing!  You know, this is going to be one of those alarmist reports, when they announce the sky is falling, and all we get is a dusting of snow at best!" Double UGH!!! 

The worst part is:  there is nothing I can do about it...sigh...

"I hate disruptions!" I yelled out in an effort to exert some kind of authority.  "Well, it seems like God is all about interruptions and disruptions..." Dan replied calmly.  I looked at him with fury in my eyes, and I realized he wasn't looking for a delightfully heated argument at 7:00 a.m.  He wasn't even looking at me.  It was almost as if he hadn't even said anything.  That made me even angrier...but...something stopped me from going into one of my typical rants...maybe it was the memory of something I've written before about how God uses detours...at any rate... I just let out a deep sigh and maneuvered around the bathtub, tiptoeing around the debris out of my bedroom.  

Yes, it's true.  Disruptions, interruptions, detours, delays, inconveniences...as much as I dislike all of them...they are used by God to shape our character and mold our hearts until they resemble what we are meant to be like:  Jesus.  

They are divine events that come into our lives because we need them.  They teach us something.  They reveal God's plan for us.  They help us acquire an attitude of humility, cleansing us from deeply rooted pride that makes us believe that we are in control...showing us the need to surrender so we can be truly free.

I keep praying that God will make me humble...well...here it is.  Nothing will make me more humble than to surrender the white-knuckled-held reins off my hands.  

Nothing would help me ease on my pride than opportunities to realize I am not in control.

Nothing could teach me how to be free better than instances in which I must bow down to His will...His good and perfect will for me.

Snow is coming down with force now.  I'm glad our contractor decided not to brave the roads in this weather to please the erratic whims of a drama queen.  I pray he is safe at home, and that we are able to enjoy a day of peace and quiet, without drills, saws or hammers, huddled together without anywhere to go.  Praise God for His Patience and his Mercy.  Praise Him for His willingness to continue to teach even the most stubborn of His children the lessons of eternity.  Praise Him that He loves us so much, that He is interested in changing the wildest of hearts.  In the Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ.  Amen!

Decluttering of the Mind

 My laptop is sooooooo slow... especially in the mornings.  It takes it F O R E V E R to get going.  I guess it's old.  Nobody can really remember when I got it.  Don't get me wrong, it's been a good one, but now that I'm working from home, my need for speed is insatiable!  And this computer is just not cutting it.

Apparently, the main reason for its sluggishness is the fact that I have neglected it a bit.  Some around here say that I had not done the required maintenance.  Therefore, its drive is cluttered with junk...at least this is the layman translation of what those who know what they're talking about think...too much junk.  Well, who knew that a computer's hard drive can be cluttered with junk?  I mean, I know junk.  I'm an expert on junk.  I just didn't know it could be so pervasive that it would even clutter a machine...but, when I think about it...I can understand how the careless accumulation of junk can make anything sluggish.

My desk is full of junk.  It takes me forever to sort through books, papers, DVD cases, water bottles, pens, phone, headphone, remotes and the like to locate what I'm looking for.  My purse if full of junk.  I can't even tell you how long it takes me to find my car keys in that bottomless pit.  And, I won't talk about the junk in my trunk (the literal and the metaphorical)...or the junk in my mind...O boy...that's the dingiest one of all.

Thoughts of fear, anxiety, anger, revenge, gossip, jealousy, envy, materialism, inadequacy, inferiority, superiority, arrogance, pride, self-hate...the list of  "junk thoughts" clutter every nook of my mind making me feel trapped. I'm asphyxiating in the dark because clutter in the mind blocks the space, the air, the light, leaving me unable to move...unable to see...unable to breathe...unable to break free.  It's like I need to do serious maintenance in my brain, but I don't have the tools or the power or the knowledge to accomplish the cleaning needed to function again.  

The good news is we have a Chief of Maintenance better than any "Geek-Squad" who has a mighty powerful "shop vac" in His work van.  He is a Professional, and He can come in and vacuum away all that harmful junk.  And He takes it away!  He doesn't just put it in bags to wait for the garbage truck to come in.  He removes it!  He drives it away so it does not become cluttered again, just in a different shape.  It's gone!  He took it all and continues to take it all with out-stretched arms nailed to the Cross.

He also teaches us how to keep it cleaned too, by helping us not to conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of [our] mind. [So we can] test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

What a blessing!

The same way I don't know how to do maintenance in my laptop, I don't know how to do maintenance in my mind.  But, what I do know is Who Is Able to do it for me.  I just need to make a call.  I just need to make sure I surrender it all to Him on Whose Hands I place my all.

Lord, please, take my mind and make it whole and holy, for only You can accomplish such a task.  In Your Precious Name.  Amen!

Silence after Praying

 "Don't fall for the trap of being constantly on the go." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) This is a line from my devotional reading yesterday that stuck with me.  "The trap of being constantly on the go..." boy, is that a true trap or what?

For many, this new reality of isolation and physical distance, work-from-home and not going out much or even at all, has created a change in circumstances that has brought up a less hectic pace.  Some are even bored due to having to stay home all the time.  Many are lonely...and this is a huge issue that deserves more than a passing glance.  But, for some reason, in my case, I believe I'm more frantic now that I've ever been.  I'm attributing it to the fact that I have had added responsibilities at work that coincided with the start of the pandemic, but...work never ends.  

My days are filled with problems that need to be solved and with challenges that have no solutions.  My thought life has become an endless preoccupation with work-related issues.  And it never goes away.  I work from home...so...I never get to walk away from it.  My only respite is my once-a-week grocery shopping trip.  But...work follows me even there, since I carry my phone with me.  I don't know how many times I've been talking to the Dean over the produce isle...

I am finding it hard to gather a few minutes to just "be still."  I fear I've fallen in the trap of the constant go, go, go...even when I don't have to "go" anywhere.  Even my prayer life is like something else I must check off the endless to-do list.  Prayer. Check!  Next.  Go!

Today, I read an advice that said something like this: spend a few moments in silence after prayer.  Something so simple...and so difficult to achieve.  I tried it this morning, and I couldn't do it!  I needed to get going because there were "pressing" things that needed my attention...like, saying goodbye to Dylan as he walked out the door to go to school.  I mean, I can't miss that?!  But...perhaps, I can get up earlier so I still have time for a few minutes of quiet time before starting the day.  I think that would be so nice...and...that would be a way out of the trap.

The enemy does whatever he can to keep us away from the Lord.  He knows that it is in those moments of silence when we can hear God's voice...so...the enemy adds noise and the impression of the necessity of the constant go, go, go attitude...but it is always a choice.  We have the choice to pray the Lord helps us to get organized so we don't have to sacrifice things of eternal value.

I pray that I can start this discipline of spending a minute or two in complete silence after I'm done praying...I know that simple practice will make a world of difference, as it brings peace to my soul and calm to my heart.  In Christ Name, I pray.  Amen!

Divine Hack for a Cleaner Soul

 I have been enjoying a few months of social media fasting...not 100%...but I have reduced the time I spend on social media by possibly 85 to 90% of what I used to...I know I'm missing quite a bit, but I feel more at ease.  Especially, I am happy I skipped pretty much all of the political stuff going on around election, and post-election time.  

Lately, I've been back, visiting my favorite sites because I want to see how my friends are doing. I also miss reading all the ingenious and endless "tips" and "hacks" that some of these sites have to offer for daily life.  From "how to make your dishwasher shine with vinegar" to "how to declutter your soul in 5 easy steps," social media is the king for interesting and sometimes useful practical advice.

My visits have been pretty short and pointed...and, I have to say, very pleasantly surprising, for the most part.  Especially, I am so grateful I ran into a post from a most treasured friend who unknowingly challenged me to a huge and certainly most needed change of attitude.  See...she shared a heavenly tip...a divinely inspired "hack" of sorts.  She shared her thoughts on her church's message from last Sunday, and the meditations of her heart really brought it home to me.  She posted a series of questions equally challenging and important, but today, I would like to focus on this one:

"what if, when I start criticizing someone, I prayed for them instead?"

That was brutal to me...

I felt all the weight of conviction when I read this rhetorical, but not so hypothetical question.  Lord have mercy, for I am confessing that the sins of gossiping and bad-mouthing others are deep struggles of my heart and soul.  I mean, it's so easy to fall for these activities, isn't it?  Especially when in company of others who share our affinity for observation.  But, who am I kidding, right? I don't need anyone around me egging me on in order to indulge in the dark vice of tearing others apart in my thoughts and/or with my words.

Sigh...

Vicious...yes...I can be vicious.  And even though I know I must stop, and I feel terribly ashamed when I catch myself in the act...I have not been able to fully eliminate this horrid practice.  If I am honest, I have not been praying about it as I should have, either.  I think that is the root of the problem.  I have been thinking this is something I can take care of by myself.  I've been relying on my own puny strength.  And I have been neglecting to surrender this to the foot of the cross.  Praise the Lord, our weaknesses and unfaithfulness do not deter Our Loving God from continuing to guide us toward Him.  In His great mercy, Our Lord has placed in front of my eyes a heavenly "tip," a simple "hack" that could potentially eliminate or at least lessen the instances of gossiping and malicious observations I do on a daily basis:  prayer.

It is crazy how the best solutions are often the simplest ones.  Pray for that person the second I feel tempted to indulge into harshly criticizing...of course...but, I will need the strength of the same power that raised Jesus from among the dead in order to stop myself on my tracks into a litany of criticism of those whom I find at fault...Praise the Lord, that kind of power is actually available to me, and to all of us who are willing to seek Him and surrender to Him.

The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. 

Romans 8: 11

May we recognize His Power in us as we surrender our deepest struggles.  May we trust His Loving Hand and Guidance, as we confess our sins.  May we find peace in the arms of the Prince of Peace.  In Christ Our Lord, the Lord of Mercy and Compassion, the One who remains forever Faithful, even in our unfaithfulness.  Amen!

Savor the Present

 Ever since I was young I've spent much of my time longing for things not yet here. I've always carried around a heart that feels in constant restlessness for the future. High School graduation, leaving off to college, having my own car, my own place, my own family, a different job, my next paycheck, the next vacation, the next house, I've had much trouble feeling satisfied with what I have.  Instead, I've always been looking for what's next.  I remember my constant perusal of the "want ads" every Sunday, carefully examining each and every job posting on the paper, imagining myself happy at my new position.  Now it's more the real estate listings.  I survey all potential houses, studying possibilities, dreaming of the excitement of putting together a new home.  It happens at work too. Every semester I endure "today" only because it leads to "tomorrow" and to the end of it...so the new one can start.

Neurotic?  Quite a bit, yes. But there's very little I feel I can do to fight these urges, which diminish my peace and leaving constantly wanting...

God is working in me, though...I can feel it.  Or maybe it is that I'm getting old and growing tired of my restless pursuit of things to come.  Or maybe both.  Perhaps, the Lord is using the years...the same years that have passed me by so very quickly in my distraction, those very years that have disappeared in front of my eyes in my obsession with the future, to teach me a lesson or two.  

Time has been flying by way too fast and I haven't been paying attention.  Only when I look at my sons I see it...or when I look in the mirror...I've wasted so much time with my eyes on what's next...that I've missed many aspects of today.  

But the Lord is Faithful and Merciful.  He knows exactly what we need and He provides it at the exact right moment.  He tames wild hearts and He quiets anxious souls.  He fills us up with His peace as we trust Him and relinquish control onto His hands.  I sit in silence, and realize my restlessness has somehow began to tone down a bit.  I might be finally beginning to learn the lesson of receiving the gift of today gratefully, like my devotional said a couple of days ago..."unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths"...finding Him as I savor my present.

I want to be mindful of my now.  I don't want to let it slip away without me noticing. I pray the Lord continues to hold my hand, causing me to slow down...and ease into the moment savoring all its flavors.  In the Precious Name of The One Who Walks with us today and every day.  Amen!

Learning to be Patient

 Dylan has been saving all his money since last September.  For many, that is not a big deal.  Really, that's about 5 months only.  For Dylan, that is HUGE!  Dylan is very much like me.  Money seems to burn holes in our pockets and wallets (at least that's what Dan always says).  The minute we get some money in our hands, we spend it...or over-spend it.  Not this time, though.  Dylan's heart is set on a new phone, and we told him we were not buying it for him.  So, when he realized we were serious, he understood that unless he came up with the money himself, his dream of a new phone would remain a dream.  And that has been his motivation.

Like never before, he has saved every penny he got for those special occasions a kid gets money from relatives.  He has done work for pay around the house, and he has resisted every single temptation to spend it.  He keeps it in an envelop and he counts and recounts it daily.  At the same time he continues to look for the best deals online...checking for surprise discounts and special offers on the phone he has his heart set on.  And this week...with a twinkle in his eyes, he announced he had reached the magic number.  And he was ready to order it.

We weren't too thrilled with this whole thing.  I mean, he has a phone that is perfectly adequate.  We know his desire for this new phone comes from the fact that "all my friends...blah, blah, blah" story as old as time...but, on the other hand, we were impressed on his ability to focus and on his display of discipline. So Dan helped him process the order.  The phone was supposed to arrive yesterday...emphasis on "supposed to."  

When Dylan came home from school, to say that he was disappointed was the understatement of the century.  He had just come back from a basketball game his team won, in which he had a really good performance that should have made him happy for the rest of the season...but no...the fact that the phone wasn't here crushed him.

I kept my mouth shut. And finally he said to me, with a tone of reproach:  "I'm all depressed here and you haven't even comforted me."  My sweet, kind and loving reply was something like this:  "there's nothing to comfort you about! Did you fail school? Is your mother dead or your dad lost his job? Did your house burn down and you're homeless on the streets? Did your dog get hit by a car and die? I would even give you losing the game or something.  But, NO! You are this disappointed and upset over a ...  T H I N G! You are wasting your precious time being miserable over something of NO importance.  Have you thought God might be trying to teach you something here? Like, patience? I'm telling you, because I know.  I'm just as impatient as you are.  I want what I want, and I want it NOW...and God is trying to teach me to trust His timing, which is definitely not mine...UGH!"

Sigh...

He listened to me silently...and went away to watch some silly show on TV.  I went back to my computer, and less than half an hour later, we ran into each other in the kitchen.  His face was back to his normal self.  He looked at me and said:  "well, my disappointment only lasted 20 minutes.  That's not too bad, is it?" I smiled at him and kept my mouth shut.  He had enough of my "pep talks" for a while.  I kept thinking about this incident, though.  Especially, because, like I said...I am not a patient person.  I have a hard time trusting God's timing.  And my disappointments never last only 20 minutes.  I have carried disappointments in my soul that have lasted me decades...and continue on.  I am a very slow learner.  But, Praise the Lord, my Teacher is Faithful and Loving so He does not give up on me.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55: 8-9

I don't know if the phone will arrive today or not.  I don't know how Dylan would react if it is not in the mail when he comes home this afternoon...but I hope that once he finally gets it...every time he looks at it, he gets it.  I hope it takes him less time to get it, to learn this lesson, than it has taken me.  In the Name of Our Lord and Savior, The Lord of Our Time and of Our Ways.  Amen!

Dan's Farewell Words to Doug and Kim Runyan on Sunday, January 31st

 On Sunday, January 31st, we honored the more than 23 years of "faithful and steady" service that Pastor Doug Runyan and his wonderful wife Kim had offered to our beloved New Bedford Presbyterian Church, as they move on to their new life adventure.  Dan had the privilege to give the farewell words to Doug and Kim, and I find it fitting for me to reproduce his heartfelt words in this space so they can linger and be revisited by those who are still coming to term with the new reality in our church...may the Lord show favor to us and bless us again with another faithful Pastor soon.  In the precious name of Our Lord Jesus Christ.  Amen!

I am honored and humbled to speak on behalf of the congregation of New Bedford Evangelical Presbyterian Church on this occasion when we praise God for His faithfulness to us for giving us Pastor Doug and Kim for the past 23 ½ years and thank them for their long, fruitful service.

As time passes, we all become more familiar with the idea of God in Job’s words giving and taking away. With time He gives us much – experience, wisdom, maturity, love, but also a few extra pounds, a wrinkle or dozen, crowns of glory in shades of gray and white.

He also takes – our sin, our rough edges, our loves, our pride, along with our hair, our eyesight, and in some cases our fingers – just checking though, Doug, you came in without a full set of those though, right?

Well, now God is taking away the blessing of having Doug as our preacher and Kim in her ministry, sending them off to their new mission stations, not retirement, of course… and it brings to us that uniquely Christian experience of joyful sadness. This oxymoron-to-the-world is a common reality for us as followers of Christ and all the more so on a day like today.

Doug, Kim, Erin, and Adam came to New Bedford in 1997. The timing in my life was ordained; they arrived just a couple years after my own father passed. Doug showed me how God’s story all comes together, really for the first time I really “got it.” And as a teacher at heart, Doug did what great teachers do – he taught us how to think. And he did what great preachers do – he showed us Christ.

But what kind of tribute to Pastor Doug would it be without a well-structured address of three to five lessons? I want to briefly mention three ways that Pastor Doug showed us Christ: 1) The Way, 2) The Truth, and 3) The Life.

First, Doug and Kim showed us the way, what’s possible. We have kept faith with traditional ministries but the Runyans showed us new ways to serve our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What a balance and a blessing. So much ministry and so many memories come to mind from the past two-plus decades. Mission trips to Mexico and Haiti, couple’s retreats, evangelical outreach, supporting missions and missionaries, the church bicentennial, moving to the EPC, commitment to youth -Awana, Breakfast in Bethlehem, youth groups, VBS, Easter Egg Hunts; music - Choir, Men’s Choir, Bell Choir, Cantatas, Dramas, Women’s Association, robust adult Sunday Schools and Circles, officer training, kitchen renovation, and a healthy financial sheet. The possible made real by the leadership of pastor Doug and Kim.

Second, Doug showed us the truth of God’s word, every Sunday from the pulpit. From the basic message of the gospel to the five solas and beyond, Doug preaches the word. We should all be aware of how rare that is. I was on the pulpit nominating committee as we called it in 1997, and there were shockingly few dossiers that came from Bible-believing, scripture-based pastors. Doug’s PIF stood out and he has represented the word of God and New Bedford Church well at Presbytery, in the community, on the board at Seneca Hills Bible Camp, and elsewhere. He stands for truth, which I know is the main reason our church has remained strong under his leadership in a time when other churches are struggling – it’s because we have remained true to God’s word that has been taught to us by Pastor Doug.

Finally, Doug and Kim showed us that the life of the Christian is to have joy in every situation. At a macro level, we’ve seen 9/11, wars, economic crises, and a pandemic. At a closer level, Doug helped us deal with the realities of life, helping us deal with our losses and challenges, while dealing with his own and those of his family, in a public way – the loss of parents, brothers, and grandchildren; the discovery of a new sister. Marriages of their children, Erin and Adam, and births of grandchildren and the growth of their family. Kim’s health scare in Spain. And so much more, not easy on anyone but especially on an introvert. But always the joy, sometimes the silliness and laughter, that puts things into eternal perspective. Kim’s authenticity and honesty has been so refreshing and encouraging to me.

We have lived our lives with Doug and Kim and their family... they have lived it with us for the past 23 years - experiencing the true joy of Christ in the crying and laughter.

Doug’s and Kim’s ministries have shown us the way to live as disciples of Christ. They showed us the truth of God’s word lived out in the world, they’ve shown us the joy of life lived in Jesus.

Today, we are in that state of joyful sadness. Every earthly thing is finite... it ends. Doug and Kim are leaving New Bedford, first to travel the country, then to enjoy a well-earned – new way of living (not retirement).

But what remains is what’s important – and that is their imprint on generations of people, many not yet born, who will benefit from a knowledge and faith in Christ that was preached and demonstrated first by Doug and Kim, Erin and Adam, during what was a blink in time compared to eternity, these lives are but a vapor that vanishes in the wind. But what an eternal impact and what joy they will experience when hearing from of our master, well done my good and faithful servants.

Thank you Doug and Kim – you will always be with us no matter where you go.

Godspeed!