Rejoicing in What He Does...Not on What I do

 One of the things I am always trying to figure out is how come I ended up where I ended: in Western PA...

I mean, I know how it happened.  What I don't know is why.  I typically ponder this more intensely around our wedding anniversary.  It happened again this weekend, when my Mother in Law gave me two pictures of Dan from 30 years ago.  Boy, was he cute!!!  I stared at the young guy on those pictures and my heart flooded with emotion.  That's the kid I fell in love with...I said it aloud in the car, and Dylan heard it...to which he said:  thank goodness you fell in love.  Who knows where I would be now if you hadn't?

Dylan's words didn't hit me at that moment, but now that I'm thinking about it again...boy...

Then, today, just minutes ago, I read the post of the day in the devotional, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, and there, it says:

"The trap you may fall into in Christian work is to rejoice in successful service— rejoicing in the fact that God has used you. Yet you will never be able to measure fully what God will do through you if you do not have a right-standing relationship with Jesus Christ. If you keep your relationship right with Him, then regardless of your circumstances or whoever you encounter each day, He will continue to pour “rivers of living water” through you (John 7: 38). And it is actually by His mercy that He does not let you know it. Once you have the right relationship with God through salvation and sanctification, remember that whatever your circumstances may be, you have been placed in them by God. And God uses the reaction of your life to your circumstances to fulfill His purpose, as long as you continue to “walk in the light as He is in the light” (1 John 1: 7)"

Chambers concludes saying: "It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him."

I often feel guilty because I think I'm not doing enough work for God and His Kingdom.  Reading this made me think...realize...remember...that it is not about me.

Like Chambers said, it is not what I do for God what matters.  It is what He does through me as I stay in close communion with Jesus, and within His Light.  I can fill my days with busy work "for God's Kingdom," but if my relationship with Jesus is non-existing...my work is futile.  If I don't have Him, I have nothing...everything I do or say means nothing...just noise. (1 Corinthians 13: 1)

Adopting Dylan might seem like we "did" something, like what James says in 1: 27, right? "look after the orphans..." But, we didn't really do anything.  God did it through us.  Everything that happened along the way to adoption, took place because God orchestrated it.  We were just His instruments.  We truly placed ourselves in His Hands and He did it all.  When He planted the idea in my brain that I should apply to a scholarship to go to College in the United States and I went ahead and applied behind my Father's back...when he made Dan choose to go to Clarion for his undergraduate, even though he had other options...when He planed for Dan and I to meet 1 week before his graduation...when He decided we were going to get married and struggle with infertility...when He led the way through the adoption road, making it smooth and possible...The Almighty Architect of our destinies was unfolding a plan concocted long ago, so one of its outcomes would be for Dylan to be here with us today, filling our lives with joy and madness until our cup overflows.

Looking at the events of Dylan's adoption from the perspective of how God put us in this circumstances and that by His Hands, His mercies are new every day, give me a sense of peace and freedom that is unexpectedly refreshing.  It's not what I do.  It's not how successful I am at service.  It's not how much I accomplish.  It's all about Him.  My job is to stay in His Light and under His Wings.  May I always remember that.  In Jesus Name.  Amen!

Praise the Lord!

 What a week!

As I sit at my desk this Friday afternoon, I praise the Lord for the many blessings.  Today, I'm concluding the first week back to work in person, and I have to say, I am happy to be back.  I'm experiencing a million challenges at work.  However, being in the classroom with the students reminded me why I do what I do.  My spirit was lifted as I heard them chuckled at my silly comments (even if muffled by the face coverings).  My heart rejoiced as I saw them choosing to interact with each other even when I gave them complete freedom to do what they felt comfortable with.  My soul found peace when technology assisted me and things ran smoothly.  I left the classroom re-energized by the feelings I thought had been lost for the last year and a half.  

At home, my young boy is wrapping up his first week of High School, practicing a new sport and enjoying new adventures.  My older boy is all settled back at his new residence in College, with new roommates and a renewed outlook in life, filled with the expectations of a great sophomore year at Geneva.  And to top it all, today is our 27th wedding anniversary.  It is so hard to believe that Dan and I said "I do" or "Acepto" almost 3 decades ago.  It blows my mind to think about that.  It's insane.

In the midst of all my worries and concerns, I praise the Lord for allowing me to experience these life with the people He has given me to walk alongside my valleys and mountains.  I have no idea what it would be like if I had never met Dan...if his friends hadn't pushed him towards me when I walked by at that...place were we met (I better not go into details as to what "that place" was)...if he hadn't written me that letter at the end of the summer in 1991...if I hadn't gotten the scholarship that brought me to Clarion...if a million details hadn't come together...if God hadn't planned the whole thing.

But, He did, and here we are...30 years after we met...27 years after we got married...many pounds heavier (ME), thinner & straighter hair (him), older (ME), wiser (him, but don't tell him), all around better in every aspect (ME), all around handsomer (him).

So, contemplating all the events of this week that comes to a close...and as we stand in all the melancholic feelings of the last days of a golden summer... I just want to pause to Praise the Lord in His Goodness.  I know the world is up-side-down...I know there is so much that doesn't make sense...I know there is so much hurt...but I know that My Redeemer Lives, and He Loves us.  We are His children and He's got us in the palm of His hand, in the shelter of His wings.  Praise the Lord, for He is Good, and His Love endures forever!  May we never forget it.  Amen.

From Self-Conscious to Christ Conscious

 Today's devotional reading from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers talks about how self-consciousness can keep us from being complete in Christ.  I guess I never thought about that.  I've always viewed self-consciousness as a hindrance, yes, but not as something that could actually damage my ability to fully abide in the shelter of the Almighty.  

Of course, anything that builds walls between me and Jesus is bad.  I guess I just never thought of self-consciousness as one of those walls.  

And, what is self-consciousness anyway?  What is this thing that Chambers is talking about?  I believe, the type of self-consciousness that the author of the devotional refers to is when a person is overly concerned about his/her own actions and appearance as well as with what others think of him/her.  Chambers clarifies that self-consciousness is not a sin, and that it can be due to a nervous personality or because of a sudden change in circumstances typically for the worst.  So, most of the time, it is not the person's fault and there's not much they can do to stop the feeling.  We are not talking about being conceited here. It's more of a condition. However, the problem is that God wants us to be complete in Him.  And often times, when we are self-conscious, we do not have a sense of completeness.  We don't feel at rest.  We are in a sort of wrestling match against our own ideas (usually misguided, by the way) of how the world perceives us.  All of these things distract us from our goal:  to come to Jesus and be complete in Him.

I have wrestled with self-consciousness all my life.  My insecurities and my distorted self-image have led me to not being comfortable in my own skin, which manifests itself in my often excessive and always unnecessary concern/awareness of myself.  It's exhausting. And, if I think about it...it is an obstacle to my intimacy with Our Lord.  The more time I spend worrying about what other people might think of me...the less time I have to concentrate on staying closer to Christ and in cultivating my personal relationship with the Only One Who Matters!

Self-consciousness also keeps me from doing my job of going into the world and making disciples.  I'm so scared of coming off as an offensive, backwards, old-fashion hag by trying to be open about my faith and about Jesus...that I just stay quiet.  And that has been a weight I have been carrying for far too long.  I don't know how to let go of this burden.  Chambers says, simply to, "come to Jesus."  But, could it really be that simple?

I have to explore this step further and in more depth and detail.  So, for now, I will leave it here, but...let's see if we can get to a point where self-consciousness is not a hindrance or a wall anymore.  Let's pray that the Holy Spirit can guide us to overcome anything that hindrance our relationship with Christ.  Let's pray that we can could simply, come to Jesus and be whole.  Let's pray that instead of being self-conscious, we can be solely Christ-conscious.  In His Precious Name.  Amen

The Impossible Place

 "This is the end of the rope." "There's no where to go...it's the end of the road." "Hit a wall." "There's no hope at all."  "It's impossible."  Have you been there? Have you ever visited? Has life ever taken you there?  Are you acquainted with that place?  You know...the impossible place?  I think at different levels and times, we've all been there once or twice, haven't we?  And it sure has felt as if that was it, didn't it? But, I guess it wasn't, huh? I guess we found out there was more rope...another road...a hole on the wall...a way out.  But, why?  Why, then, must we face the impossible?

I think it is because the impossible place is the place where we can witness God's glory while still on this side of Heaven.

When life is going well.  When everything is going the way we planned it.  When we are handling all problems on our own wisdom and skills.  When we are able to manage the challenges and overcome the obstacles by our own power and imagination...we don't consider our need for God.  We buy the lie that we can do all things on our own strength.  We forget our total dependence on Our Heavenly Father.  We stop thinking of ourselves as redeemed and forgiven...and we start viewing our lives as impeccable and our path as self-designed.   

The impossible place exists so we remember that our very breath is His.  

The Almighty wants us to experience in our own flesh the magnificent force of His presence and the overwhelming power of His Hand.  He wants us to see Him transfigured.  He wants us to see Him in action.  He wants His presence to be so evident and His love so undeniable that we have nothing else to do than worship and surrender to His merciful arms.  And He knows the only way for us to achieve this moment of divine lucidity is by paying a visit to the impossible place.

I've always been afraid of it.  I've rejected the impossible place because I'm scared of not having the type of life where my dreams come true, and where nothing bad happens to me or my loved ones ever.  But The Holy Spirit has been showing me, little by little how if nothing ever happens, I never get to experience the fullness of His presence or the abundant life of His joy.  If nothing ever happens to me that is out of the realm of the possible for my hands or my intellect to fix...I would never know what true worship and surrender mean...because I would be worshiping myself and a god of my own making.

It is only at the impossible place that my eyes are open to the truth that, 

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,

which cannot be shaken but endures forever.

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,

so the Lord surrounds his people

both now and forevermore. Psalm 125: 1-2

And I do not want to miss perceiving My Strong Tower, The Rock of My Salvation.  I don't want to miss seeing Him surrounding me both now and forevermore.  I don't want to miss His Glory.  I don't want to miss witnessing My Savior in action!

One day, it will be the end of the rope.  There will be no more road left to take on this world.  One day it will be it. But on that day, when we pay one last visit to the impossible place...that would be the day we go through that one last door into the place of infinite and eternal possibility...and His Glory will be fully revealed and there would be no more tears and no more fear.  Praised be His Glorious Name!  In Jesus we trust.  Amen!

Relax and Seek Him First

 "Learn to enjoy life more."

That was the first thing I read this morning...

That was the first line of my devotional reading...

And that's exactly what I needed to think about.  But, how do I enjoy life more?  One sure way I enjoy life is when I am on vacation, taking fun trips like to the beach or a road trip with my boys.  I also enjoy life when I'm dreaming about retirement or when I'm watching home-renovation shows, imagining all the things we can improve in our house or when I'm browsing the real estate listings, planning our next move.  All of these things, however, are either temporary, here today and gone tomorrow, or imaginary (like when I tell Dan that we should sell everything, buy an RV and live as nomads).  None of these things truly bring me lasting satisfaction.  They don't bring me the kind of contentment that would carry me through a life filled with joy and peace.  So, how do I enjoy life more?

"Learn to enjoy life more.  Relax remembering that I am God with you...the more you focus on My Presence with you, the more fully you can enjoy life.  Glorify Me through your pleasure in Me.  thus you proclaim My Presence to the watching world." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

The only way to enjoy the ride this life offers me is by having Jesus at the wheel.  There's no other way around that.  And how do I do that?  How do I let go, let Him drive and live the abundant life? The answer that keeps coming back over and over and over again is by seeking Him first.  Making it a priority to seek His Presence is the secret to a full life and to contentment.  Seek Him in everything.  See Him in all things and moments.  Listen to His whispers all the time.  Feel Him in the sunset.  Breathe Him in the sunrise.  Taste His love in a birthday cake.  Touch Him in the embrace of a dear friend.  Hear Him in the carefree laughter of children playing in the summer.  Sense Him in the pain of loss.  See Him in the tears of fear.  Welcome Him in the storm. Watch Him in the waves.  Perceive Him in the dark.  Bask in His Light and enjoy life!

Notice, however, that as we seek Him and glorify Him and enjoy life more, a whole world is watching us.  Therefore, our life becomes a living testimony to who He is.  It is not just for our own enjoyment.  It is for the purpose of pointing to the One in whose delight we rejoice!  We are supposed to look at the birds of the air and the flowers of the field and realize how they don't worry about life...they fulfill their purpose:  to delight mankind.  Likewise, our purpose is to seek Him and glorify Him as we live the abundant life...relaxing in the knowledge that we are taken care of each and every day as we rest in His Presence.

May we learn to enjoy life more in Him, who gives us life.  Amen!

  

From Panic to Pause

Panic is my M.O.

When something goes wrong in life (which is quite often, as you may have experienced) my usual reaction is to overreact.  Just ask my kids.  I have to admit, Grant's reenactments of my overreactions are hilarious! But it's true, fear creeps up right away, and in my fret, I start sending panicky prayers.  Not that long ago, led by the Holy Spirit, a phrase came to me:  "Thank You, Lord, for opportunities to trust You!"  That prayer of thanksgiving has become my go-to thought when I find myself in the midst of a panic-induced reaction.  Of course, sometimes the intensity of the moment is such that the prayer goes out the window...but...when Our Good Father allows me a second of lucidity, long enough to move my hand from the panic to the pause button, the prayer comes to me and I begin to calm down.

Today's post on the devotional: My Utmost for His Highest spoke about this, and on the one hand, it convicted me, but on the other one, it gave me great hope.  This is why I wanted to share it with you here, praying that it blesses you as much as it did to me:

"The Theology of Rest"

Why are ye fearful, 0 ye of little faith? — Matthew 8:26

When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but Our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His Name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones. Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits’ end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of the world; He seems to be asleep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead.

“O ye of little faith!” What a pang must have shot through the disciples — “Missed it again!” And what a pang will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced down right joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.

There are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him.

We have been talking a great deal about sanctification — what is it all going to amount to? It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight, but a deep joy to Him.

I don't know about you, but this really hit it close to home for me today.  I especially was struck by the sentence that says how in a crisis, God's children are supposed to be the reliable ones.  I have failed pretty much every time I've been tested on this subject. In my moments of crisis, more often than not, I'm the one fretting and making things worst.  And, even though I've gotten better, I'm still too quick to hit that panic button first, and too slow to reach for the pause. But I know that through the sanctification process, God demonstrates that we are not done yet.  And, by His love, grace, mercy and compassion, He continues to show us the way...He is the ONLY Reliable One.  And I trust in His Faithfulness.  

Blessed are those who keep his statutes

and seek him with all their heart. Psalm 119: 2

Of Birthdays and Joy

 Birthdays are a perfect occasion to spend time pondering...pondering what's ahead and what's behind.  Birthdays can be festive, full of excitement and partying! They can also be melancholic, lonely and filled with worry.  As most things in life, it comes down to a choice: what do I want my attitude to be in my birthday, a positive or a negative one? 

I know, sometimes we find it very difficult to believe that we do have a choice as to what attitude we have when approaching something challenging.  We get so caught up in our circumstances that we don't see how it could be possible that we can choose.  We feel as if we have no say in the matter.  I know.  The reason I know is because that's how I've lived most of my life...thinking I have no choice...thinking that my attitude is determined by my situation.  But, is it?

We are called to be people of joy.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Philippians 4: 4

When are we supposed to rejoice?  ALWAYS!  Not just when things are going well.  Not just when circumstances are right.  ALWAYS...and Paul repeats it:  A.L.W.A.Y.S.

And where do we find this joy?  In His Presence!

You make known to me the path of life; 

in your presence there is fullness of joy; 

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16: 11

In Him we find the kind of joy that will lead us to have the right attitude in every situation.  Because it is only in Him, in His Presence, that we will have the peace that surpasses all understanding and that is linked to overflowing joy.  And the right attitude is exactly that: peace and joy in the Lord!

I know it is hard to find that kind of joy.  And the reason it is hard is because we don't seek Him First.  We don't make it our job to seek His Presence as the main goal of our lives.  I know I don't.  I am too busy with life to seek the Fountain of Life.  That's the absurdity of who I am.  I am so worried about the material life that surrounds me, that I don't dedicate the time I ought to, to seeking a stronger connection with the spiritual realm.  And because my connection with the physical world is stronger than the one with the eternal...I am too sensitive to every little thing that happens...every thing that sways the world affects me.  Whereas, if I were more intentional about strengthening my links to the spiritual, the eternal truth of God's presence would keep me steady.

Today, I choose to have an attitude of joy.  I choose to let go and let God...if only for today.  Tomorrow will bring its own challenges.  For now, I stand in Him, and I remember that: 

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118: 24

How Long Is It Too Long to Pray?

 How long is it too long to pray for something?  Is there a time limit...an expiration date for prayer? Is there a moment...when we say: it's been too long...I can stop praying now because it's not going to happen?  How long do we continue to pray until we realize the answer is no?

Is an hour too long? How about a day? or a week, a month...a year?  Is 10 years too long to be praying for something and still have faith it will happen?  When do we give up praying for something in particular?

The thing is, we are commanded in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to "pray without ceasing" non-stop, always, all the time. We are to "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving" (Colossians 4:2).  Steadfast means: resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.  So, how long is too long? I would say, until there is still breath in our lungs and our hearts keep beating we continue praying without ceasing. 

Sometimes we don't get to see it on this side of eternity...I prayed for reconciliation between my brother and my Father, but my Father passed away a couple of hours before my brother could make it to his deathbed.  That was a tragic story that would not reach its resolution on this earth.  But I have continued to pray for reconciliation between those of us still around, and this last few days, 12 years since praying began, I've seen the first steps taken towards that elusive state where we can be a family again, and for that I give praise!

Over the years I've known only God could soften the hearts...and I've been tempted to believe that it was not His will to do it, but I continued praying mostly guided by obedience and perhaps, habit. Today, my faith is renewed by the hesitant, baby steps that have been taken.  I know the road is long and many may fall on it before we get to be whole again, but it is clear that God's will is to mend the broken hearts and dry off every tear, not just in Heaven, but often also here.

How long is it too long to pray for something? An entire lifetime is not enough.

May the Holy Spirit guide us in our prayers, and as Paul told us, may we experience how "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

In the Precious Name of Our Lord! Amen.