Waiting is Hard

 "Waiting is hard, but worth it...because God's timing is perfect."  I think this is what a quote I saw in Facebook a few minutes ago said.  It might not be the exact same words, but the essence is there.  It's a message I've heard and repeated a million times, but it will be a few million times more until I assimilate it.

I sure needed to hear it right about now, though.  We've been waiting for news about something, and I was sure we'd hear today, but the day came with a lot of promise and wrapped up in silence...no phone call...no message...just the sting of disappointment.  

"I trust You, Lord...I trust You..." I keep repeating myself, but in my impatience I'm tempted to give up hope.  Waiting is hard...ugh...especially for people like me, who like to have everything under their tight control.  Waiting, though, is one of the best classrooms in life.  It is during our times of waiting that we learn to let go.  It is while we wait that we learn we are not in control.  It is while we wait that we learn to surrender and to to rediscover hope.  

"Suffering produces perseverance..." says Romans 5: 3  and all kinds of good things come from perseverance.  Well, waiting is suffering for me...life must be about to get really good then, right?

At any rate, may we approach our times of waiting as a chance to grow...as a time for God to empower us and develop us.  After all,

...because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

Romans 5: 4-5

Empty Hands and Open Heart

 I know it's not Christmas, but, reading my devotional today made me think of one of my favorite Christmas songs:  Little Drummer Boy.  I've been a sucker for that song ever since I first heard it when I was a little girl.  Of course, back then, I was in Panama and the song was presented to me as:  "El Tamborilero."  I still love the Spanish version just as much...or perhaps a bit more.  The part that always gets me is the same in both versions:

Baby Jesus, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I am a poor boy too, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
I have no gift to bring, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
That's fit to give our King, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

In Spanish, this stanza reads:

Yo quisiera poner a tus pies
Algún presente que te agrade, Señor
Mas tú ya sabes que soy pobre también
Y no poseo más que un viejo tambor
Ropoponpon, ropoponponpon
En tu honor, frente al portal, tocaré
Con mi tambor

As you can see, even if you don't know Spanish, this version has more words...and perhaps, that's why I prefer it.  The language is more expressive and it really captures the essence of what the song is trying to communicate:  I am poor, Lord...I have nothing to give that would be good enough for You...but I give you all I've got...and I give it to You with all my heart.

If that's not the attitude we need to display in front of Our Lord and Savior, I don't know what is.

The short reading this morning spoke to me about this when it said:  "Come to Me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Christ's calling to us is not about us bringing Him things or deeds...it's to come to Him...to follow Him...just as we are...regardless of our empty hands.  All that He requires is an open heart ready to receive Him.  He wants us.  The ancient Israelites thought that by doing the sacrifices they were maintaining the law and fulfilling their duty toward God.  But they didn't worry about the condition of their hearts and spirits.  Therefore, their sacrifices were hollow.  So are ours.  Our offerings are empty if our hearts and souls are not open to Him...open to repentance...open to His forgiveness.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. 

Psalm 51: 17

I have nothing, Lord.  I don't even have an old drum.  I just have me.  I trust Your righteousness, which was endowed to me by Jesus' Sacrifice is what makes me worthy of being in Your Presence.  I bring you my open heart and my empty hands...knowing that You are my Portion, My Savior, My Deliverer...the Lover of My Soul. In the Precious Name of Jesus, I pray.  Amen! 

Excessive Planning?

 Are you an "excessive planner"?  My devotional today says something that made me pause a bit:  "your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)  At first, I didn't think this really applied to me.  I've never really been much of a planner.  I mean, I know planners...and as they go...I am not one of them.  

Dan is a planner.  That man can plan all the way down to the second.  I still remember our first...and our second trip to Disney.  He had colored-coded schedules that included everything, from the moment we'd wake up, the bus we would take, the park we would go to, the rides we would ride in specific order, the meals we would eat and the pennies we would spend.  It was hilarious!  But it worked.  Looking back, he was afraid we would waste all that money and not get a good return from what we invested.  He manages our finances as well.  It took many years for me to get used to his color-coded spreadsheet budget.  Again, he does it because he is afraid we would mismanage our income.  And I am extremely thankful that he takes such good care of us.  I could not do it.  I am not that detailed.

This is why I didn't think the sentence from my devotional applied to me.

On second thought, though...when I include the element of "fear" as a reason for planning, I can think of some instances when the word "excessive" does overtake my actions.

For instance, I can spend days obsessing over what I would say to someone who has made me feel threatened in any way.  It happened not too long ago with my boss.  It is happening now in a more personal situation.  I feel someone is a threat to me or one of my loved ones, and in my fear, I invest countless hours rehearsing in my mind or even writing down the things I would say to that person if the opportunity would come up.  I excessively and obsessively plan every word...every syllable...every pause-for-effect...every look I'd give...given the opportunity to confront the one I perceive as a threat.  I lose touch with reality and it becomes really difficult for me to let go...and just let God take control.

Over the years, I have tried to learn to recognize that obsessive planning mode as a form of idolatry.  And I am learning to stop myself from spending useless hours and days excessively plotting my "revenge."  But it is difficult.  My devotional says this tendency hinders our "intimacy with Our Lord."  And that once we realize we are slipping down its slippery road, we must repent and return to His Presence...and trust that He is in control.

I guess I'm not the color-coded-type of excessive planner Dan is.  I'm not as detailed-oriented when it comes to my obsessions.  But, I am just as vicious.  

I pray the Lord's loving hand will guide me and all of us who struggle with our reactions to fear so we can learn to lean on His Power and Trust in His Plans: the only perfect ones.  In the Precious Name of Jesus...The One Who Traces Our Path.  Amen.

I Need You Every Hour

 Happy Easter to everyone!

I am so grateful for Jesus, I have no words.  His Sacrifice...His Death on the Cross...His Glorious Resurrection...His Gift of the Holy Spirit...how would I ever survive walking through this valley of shadows and pain without the Hope of Jesus?  Without His sustaining Presence?

I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee

This song by Fernando Ortega came to my mind yesterday as I read my devotional where it said:  

"I have designed you to need Me moment by moment."

WOW...that sure is true in my life.  I do need You, Jesus every single moment of my life.  Your Presence is my only source of peace.  It is only by coming closer to You that the peace that surpasses all understanding can overflow my soul.  Any other claims to be the fountain of peace are flawed: financial stability, home security, food safety, relationships, health, youth...none of these can provide the peace that Christ can offer...because peace is not a thing to be attained.  Peace is a Person to be known.

The Apostle Paul reminds us, in what are some of my most favorite verses, to surrender it all to Jesus in hopeful expectation for the floodgates of peace to be opened:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6-7

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4: 16

I need You every hour, every hour I need You, indeed, My Blessed Savior...I come to You! Thank you for who You Are, Lord.  Thank You for considering me worthy of Your sacrifice.  Thank You for Your love that sees me as someone worth saving.  In the Precious Name of Jesus.  Amen!

Protected by His Angels

Do you believe that God uses others to activate His protection over you to keep you from making mistakes that could sink you like the Titanic?

I sure do! 

This past week was very stressful at work.  

That statement is becoming more and more common and I don't like it.  

I am so looking forward to summer break. I even cancelled the class I was supposed to teach during summer session because I don't really want work interfering with me getting some rest and relaxation.  A couple of days ago, however, I made a mistake that had the potential of ruining any hope for smoother sailing at work, let alone a peaceful summer break.

I was so angry at something that had happened to me which had hurt my pride deeply...that I wrote a letter of complain.  By God's grace, I shared the letter with a dear and trusted friend/colleague who had the clarity of mind to tell me not to send it.  The problem was, that by the time she tried to reach me to tell me not to send it...I had already submitted it.  I was so angry I hand-delivered it because I wanted it to get to the recipient's hands without delay.  I didn't see my friend's urgent messages and phone calls until almost an hour and a half later.  When I finally saw them...I knew I had made a very costly mistake.  God, however, had other plans.  I ran to the office of the intended recipient and he hadn't come in yet so I was able to pull the letter and avert the crisis.  

[Insert a deep sigh of relief...]

The more I thought about it and talked about it with my friend later...the more I realized how God had delivered me from great evil...and how He had used her to activate His protection over me.  So I stand here, in the middle of my stress...still making plans for a restful summer, rather than planning strategies on how to get out of the grave I'd dug for myself given my unchecked prideful response.

Praise the Lord!

You never know who or what ... but we do know that He will extend His hand of protection over us according to His plan.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. Psalm 91: 11

His Power in Us

 The sky is blue this morning and the sun is out...what a gift! I am so tired of being in the middle of this fight between winter and spring.  It would be nice if the Ref would settle it and declare spring the winner already, wouldn't it?

At any rate, it's been a while since I've had a chance to visit these pages.  I have been so buried in work that I don't even know what day it is.  I'm not joking.  Most days, I have to really, really think and look at the calendar to try to figure out if it is Wednesday or Friday.  I can't wait for this semester to be done and over with.  Four more weeks of class and finals week...I wonder if I'll have the strength to get through them...

Have you ever felt like that? Have you felt as if you have no strength left...?

I'm sure you have.  

I think women, for the most part, have a tendency to wear themselves out until they are so depleted that fatigue is the only thing they can feel anymore.  It's like we are always running on empty...kind of like our cars now that gas is so expensive.  

The good news is, we don't have to rely on our own source of strength.  As a matter of fact, in our weakness, at our worst...in those moments of complete exhaustion, when we are drained and on our last leg...those are the moments when God's strength is magnified in us.  Let's just rejoice in that fact as we take a few minutes to pause and savor...truly internalize God's Word telling us:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12: 9

What a marvelous truth.  May the Holy Spirit help us absorb this knowledge in a way that it gets written in our hearts and minds so that when we spiral down that road of emotional bankruptcy and energy depletion, we remember it.  May His Name be Glorified in us as we continue to walk on this weary land.  Praise You, Lord Jesus for being our source of strength and power.  Amen!