Would we say no to love because it hurts?

 Would you willingly choose to do something that you KNOW is going to cause you hurt, pain, and heartache? 

Well, the answer is yes and no.

Often, when we are absolutely certain that a decision, or an action is going to give us a most piercing affliction or unsurmountable hardship, the answer is no way! Our self-preservation instincts kick in...or should kick in, ideally, right? Sometimes I wonder, though... However, there is one thing...one decision...one action...one decision to commit to an action which we willingly embrace fully knowing it will, at some point, shatter our hearts...and that is, the decision to commit to loving someone.

The reason for this seemingly irrational determination is that otherwise, choosing to say no to love would make us part of a different species...more like a piece of furniture or a kitchen appliance...an amoeba, at best.

We choose love over and over and over again regardless of how much it may hurt, because we are humans and we need love like we need air.  Love is what sustains us and gives us well-being because He who made us is Love Himself, and when He selected us to be His, that was an act of unsurpassed love that demonstrates He loved us first and at that moment, He instilled His love in us rendering us incapable of not loving despite our "better/worldly/rational" judgment and knowledge. Easy! Not mind-twisting at all, right?!

Anyway...but seriously, how else would we ever know we even have a heart if we never get it broken?

The pain we feel when our heart aches or when it is deeply pierced due to love is what reminds us that we are alive...the deeper the hurt...the stronger the love.  Losing someone who we consider only a passing acquaintance, for example, does not destroy us the way that losing a most beloved person does.  Hearing the news that something bad happened to a kid at some distant school many miles away from us, doesn't disturb us anywhere near to the way it certainly annihilates us when that kid is ours.  The distress we experience when we are aware of the hardship of people we know of through second-hand connections is not even close to the excruciating agony we feel when the hardship falls onto a dear, dear friend.

Deep in our hearts we know, the day we decide to love someone, that it will crush us if we ever lose them.  We know with absolute certainty that the instant something horrible happens to our children (even a papercut counts here) we are going to feel it worst than if it'd happened to ourselves.  We know when our dear friends go through seriously rough patches, we travel with them and experience their pain.  We know it...we feel it...we fear it.  

When we say the vows, it is for better or for worse, until DEATH due us apart.  We walk into that union knowing death will be a part of it.  When we hold our children in our arms, we know our hearts will break, just like the heart of Jesus' Mother Mary broke, because we realize our hearts don't belong to us anymore, they are in possession of the children God blessed us with.  When we first meet our best friends whether it be at a school yard during recess when we were in Kindergarten or at a small group in college either because we were paired together to do a project or we were randomly thrown together as roommates, or met at a crazy party (not that college students ever go to parties, let alone crazy ones), or at a Bible study group at the home of a Pastor on Sunday evenings when we were starting out our Christian walk...we know that someday we will journey through the valleys of the shadows of tears with our loved ones...still...does knowing all this would ever make us turn our backs and say: no...I cannot commit to loving you because I know it will one day break my heart and I cannot have that kind of pain in my life?  

Would we say "no" to love because it hurts?  

No second thoughts. No second guessing. No regrets.  Tears and all, we willingly dive into the adventure that it is to love someone because choosing otherwise would mean traversing through life empty and barely alive.  After physiological needs, the need to belong... to love and be loved, is the most basic need of humankind! So, a life devoid of love, is not much of a life at all.  And like the song says: love hurts.  It hurts, indeed.  But that's how we know we're alive. That's the human perspective.

From a Christian perspective, it works too.  Suffering is the evidence we are walking with Jesus!  Sharing the road with Christ means sharing in His sacrifice...sharing His Cross (Galatians 2: 20 and Matthew 10: 17-20). To be a part of His Glory we must be also part of His agony...that's just the way it works. Love hurts, but without love, there is no joy...there is no glory.  Therefore, we offer our suffering back to Him to participate in His Glory at the appointed time.  

The Cross is not the goal...the goal is Christ's Glory.  Heartache and agony are not the goal...the goal is joy.  May the One Who is LOVE guide us in our necessary walks through calvary so, when the time is full, we can also partake in the joy and glory of true Love.

Have you ever met such a human?

 Have you ever met someone universally liked?

I mean...there are some people, I guess, who because of their achievements can potentially claim the title of being universally admired...maybe...I know I'm going to say something controversial here, but it is only an illustration (please try not to dislike me too much): I could, perhaps say I sort of admire Taylor Swift...but I do not like her.  However, finding people who are liked by everyone they meet along the path of their lives...that is very rare.  Not even Jesus was liked by everyone He ever met.  On the contrary, right? He was put to death because some people didn't like what He said, what He did...who He was...and He is Perfect!  Imagine us...imperfect, wretched, sinners...of course we are NOT going to be liked by every single person we meet (trust me, I know what I'm talking about here).  Once in a while, however, there comes a person...a human, flesh and bone person, who can honestly (and usually humbly) walk around knowing that most of those who meet him or her are not going to hate their guts.

This kind of individual is typically characterized by a few traits.  Among those traits or virtues, rather, we notice first a big heart so full of love that it overflows. Their hugs are tight and abundant.  Their approach is genuine and caring.  Then we see a cheerful personality as another commonly present feature among this person's virtues, meaning, others can most certainly count on a smile, a belly laugh, a funny comment usually self-deprecating and/or sarcastic, and a silver-lining type of attitude.  They are, therefore, fun-loving, but also fun and loving.  This person is empathetic, feels deeply about others and exudes generosity.  They are generous with their time, money, talents, efforts, laughter and tears.  In a world where so many of us feel invisible, this person makes people feel seen.  The universally liked human is also smart.  Behind a seemingly goofy exterior there lies a thinker whose insight always would leave you pondering...their musings always would bring about a perspective that makes those listening, pause, reconsider and wonder.  They get it and they help you get it too.  This combination of qualities (plus others that you may add as you think of them) make it impossible for anyone to truly dislike this individual.

Have you ever met such a person?  

Does anyone's face or name come to mind to illustrate this beloved character?

Yes.  Without fearing oversimplifications or false idolization, I believe that I can honestly answer yes to these questions. I had the honor, privilege and blessing of meeting someone who was not terribly disliked by anyone within the universe in which he lived.  That does not mean that sometimes we might have not rolled our eyes at his comments or might have occasionally wanted to punch him on the face once in a while...but always in good fun!  Not only he wasn't universally hated, he was actually deeply loved...so much so...that Jesus called him home way too soon because he couldn't spare him any longer. And now, though we rejoice he is enjoying his rewards as he has already heard, "well done good and faithful servant," we are left wandering in this valley of shadows and tears with one less shining light in our world to guide us.  The voice, words and laughter are silenced, the jokes have ceased, the hands are idle.  The memories, however, remain.  The legacy of faith, love, integrity, joy and selflessness lives in the hearts and souls of his family and in all who knew him on this side of eternity.

Our loss is great, but his gain is bigger.  We just pray in confidence that the same Jesus who saved him, redeemed him, inspired him, guided him and loved him has already welcomed him into His glory as He gives us acceptance, peace, strength and hope to continue on in this life without our friend and brother in Christ until we too, are also called home.

In memory of our beloved Sam Jones...lifting his dear wife, children, grandchildren and the rest of the Jones Clan in prayer as we mourn together the passing of someone who represented the spirit of our church.  In Christ we wait.  Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Reflections on the Book Winning the War on Worry - Lie #3

 My Mother and Father were both major-league-worriers.  They spent all of their lives while I was around, worrying about something.  My Mom was afraid of everything, which caused her to worry constantly.  My Dad never really made much of a distinction between a big problem and a little problem.  To him, all problems were equally bad and required an equally extreme reaction.  Worry framed his face.  Neither of them really knew how to relax.  Every single afternoon after dinner, they would both sit on a swing on the front porch of our house and ponder the day's issues.  To the regular passerby, they looked as if they were chillaxing.  We knew, though, that they were quietly mulling over problems and worries.  I don't think either of them ever heard anyone say to them anything like:  give it to God.  He is in control.  Let it go.  Trust Him.  Worrying won't solve anything.

Sigh...

I grew up in that environment.  It never occurred to me to think that there was some choice involved in worrying.  I never thought about the fact that there are levels to problems: some are big and some are little...what? no way...a problem is a problem, is a problem and I need to worry no matter what.  I can't choose not to worry!  That's crazy?  Who could possibly control their emotions in such a way? NOBODY! Once a worrier, always a worrier, especially if you were born that way and into a family of worriers.

Well, apparently, that way of thinking was forged by a tradition of believing a big lie the enemy wants to spread on unsuspecting people like me.  As stated by Pastor Giglio, the devil's #3 lie is precisely, "I have no choice-I'm born a worrier."

OK...I guess my lifetime of blaming genetics for my inability to exercise self-control in the arena of worrying is coming to a very abrupt end...because if Pastor Giglio is right...I've just been duped into believing that I was born this way and there isn't anything that I can do about it.  In reality, even though we might have a genetic tendency toward worry...we are born again into a family whose Father does not worry or has ever worried or will never worry EVER!  Like Pastor Giglio says, "there's no doubting the fact that He is concerned for us..." but He does not worry in the same sense we do.  We belong to a new family where worry is a sign of mistrust.  

The truth is that God's got us and all our problems.  He is in control and our job is to surrender and to trust His plan and His will.  HE IS ENOUGH!

When we indulge in worrying, we fall for the enemy's trap that tells us we are the ones in control.  He knows we are NOT enough...so he deceives us and manipulates us into believing we are in charge because he knows we will fail and be even more miserable than when we first started worrying.  The enemy knows we will forget we are not enough and will dupe us into buying the idea that we can take care of things on our own...and the vicious cycle starts and never ends...or it ends with us defeated.

Pastor Francis Chan said something similar:  "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is Big Enough, Powerful Enough, or Loving Enough to take care of what's happening in our lives." Therefore, instead of wasting our time worrying and circling around our fears over and over and over again in a most inefficient way...let's make sure that at the first sign of worry we start moving closer to the Word so we can be under the protection of the Most High as we focus our energy and efforts on surrendering and trusting on the Center of Life, Power and Love that is Our Great God.

No matter how long we have been believing this lie, we can change our mind frame by the Power of The One Who Makes All Things New! Let's put our faith in Him and start believe the truth!