Who is This Man?

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" 
Mark 4: 41

I know I have addressed this issue before, but it has been in my mind the last few days because I heard several acquaintances recently, expressing their disdain for the church and religious persons as a whole.  The problem is not their criticism of the church and of religious institutions.  What I see as a big issue is the fact that they seem to be discarding and rejecting God Himself, due to their negative views of the body of Christ.

Of course I am deeply sensitive, and my soul grieves when I hear about horrible encounters that some have had with Christians.  Atrocities in the name of religiosity are not to be condoned.  Jesus, Himself, was the harshest with the religious figures of the day.  The problem arises, however, when we equate religion with God.

The corrupted minds and actions of religious leaders are the product of our fallen nature and of our depravity...not of God.  Rejecting Our Heavenly Father because we reject the church is taking our sensibilities too far.

I think, our paths are plagued with the poisonous weeds of greed, pride, selfishness and all other sin.  I believe that there are moments of doubt in everyone.  I know that there comes a point when we question our faith.  Those are the moments for self-reflection.  A pause would be necessary then, to examine ourselves and find out exactly what we are questioning.  Maybe for some, it would be wise to start at the beginning.  Do I doubt the historicity of Jesus?  Did a man called Jesus ever lived?  I think that regardless of where one would look, finding out that Jesus did exist and did walk on this earth is inevitable.  With that out of the way, the next defining question should be, in my opinion:  Who is Jesus to me?

This question has nothing to do with the church, religion, religious leaders, ministry, family history or anything anybody else may say.  This is an intimate question that can only be answered by the individual out of the fire that burns or doesn't in their heart.  It is a Holy Spirit-inspired answer that can only come from listening to the voice of the One Who Calls us.

The answer to this question is what guides us and what keeps us on the path.  The answer to the question, Who do I say that Jesus is? represents my north.  Regardless of the corruption and decay of the world around me and within the church itself, my answer, depending on what it is, will keep me either fixed on His Face, and on seeking Him first... or centered on the material, seeking to fulfill my deepest longings by my own means, rejecting the truth, the way, and the life.

We have probably heard the idea that we all have a "God-shaped-hole" in our hearts.  If that hole doesn't get filled by God, it gets filled by man-made things, mainly self.  The original quote where the thought comes from says:

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.”
- Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)

One of my acquaintances said:  "I only believe in the power of keeping a positive mind, the rest is all about my own hands and my intellect."  

That comment saddened me to no end.  I'm afraid that comments like that are becoming the norm around the world.  We are not taking the time to consider the question, "Who is This Man?"  We are increasingly ignoring Him, The One to whom the winds and the waves obey.  We are consistently filling our God-shaped hole with self and superficial spirituality.  We are intentionally walking away from the Maker and embracing our own creations as worthy of worship.  

I pray for revival.  I pray that the people of God would be able to speak truth.  I pray for strength.  I pray for Jesus to reveal Himself to His beloved and cause a great stirring that would wake us all up, and make us worship of the One at whose Name every knee shall bow.  I pray we all take the time to stop and ask ourselves, "Who do I say that Jesus is?" as if our very lives depended on our answers...because they do.

Curling Up With Jesus

Last week, I believe it was on Maundy Thursday to be precise, I was in the car and I caught the tail end of a broadcast of Focus on the Family that was amazing.  The guest speaker was Michele Cushatt, a Christian author and speaker who has struggled with three bouts of cancer among several other challenges in her life.  The portion I heard was near the end, when the host of the show asked her to speak directly to the members of the audience who, at that very moment, were thinking that message was for them because right then, they were journeying through the valley of the shadow of death...

Mrs. Cushatt said something that deeply touched me.  And I wanted to reproduce it here because I think her words were very powerful for all to hear, so I went to the website of the show and found the transcript.  This is what Michele Cushatt said:

Oh, my friend, for you, the one who’s listening right now who’s suffering, who’s just experiencing this gut punch of pain, and you have no idea how you’re going to get through, first, before anything, I want you to know you’re not alone. You are not alone. It feels like you are, but you are not.

What I want you to do is, I want you to take a moment and picture yourself walking in the Garden of Gethsemane, and you see Jesus there on his face weeping and crying, because He knows the pain and suffering that’s coming to Him. And He’s laying there, and He’s weeping, and He’s crying because He doesn’t want the pain, and He doesn’t want the suffering. But at the same time, He loves you. He loves you so much He can’t bear it. And all I want you to do is just curl up and sit next to Him because simply, in that moment, with Jesus on his face weeping and agonizing, He wants you to know you’re not alone in your own pain and your own agony. He literally came and experienced horrible pain so that way, even though you would have some pain right now and some suffering right now, that a day is coming that you would never again need to feel pain, and you would never again need to feel aloneness and isolation so that way you could be with Him forever. I just want you to hang out with Him in that place and know He sees you, He knows you, and He understands you are not alone. And then simply be open - open your heart and your mind to letting Him walk with you through your pain. He will not leave your side. He will not leave you exactly where you are today. And let Him walk with you through it one day at a time.

I loved every word...every image...every feeling hearing this made me experienced.

Next day, on Good Friday night, Grant and I watched the movie The Passion of the Christ.  I couldn't watch the whole thing because I had signed up to do my one-hour prayer vigil at 10pm, but I did get to see the scene of Jesus in the Garden...and of course, the words of Michele Cushatt rushed back to me... I watched the actor portray the agony of Jesus in such a vivid manner, that I couldn't help but feel it.  The time for my prayer vigil came, and I went into a room by myself, with a candle lit...remembering Good Friday Tenebrae Service which we had attended earlier, when Pastor Doug said that the Jesus Candle is never extinguished... and I curled up in there, with Jesus... in the Garden... in that very moment when He and I shared the most human of emotions:  the agony of fear... I realized that is the moment when we see Jesus as Man and as God in all clarity.  The man fears the pain that is coming and tries to avoid it.  God accepts it and takes it and bears it because of love.

I want to remember these thoughts on my next hour of pain, agony and suffering.  We have a Savior who has been there...and best of all... we have a Savior who is Lord over our pain and will be there when it hits us again, until the day it cannot hit us anymore, because we will be safe and secure in His loving arms...with His scarred hands wrapped around us for eternity.  In the meantime, let's curl up with Jesus in the Garden as we endure the seasons of hardship...

To Dwell or To Settle?

After a little hiatus, I have picked up my copy of You're Going to be Okay by Holley Gerth, and as expected, it caused me to pause as she mentioned something that intrigued me.  At the end of chapter 6, she talks about how we are not meant to settle in the places of hurt: the desert, the hard places, depression, fear...We are not to settle anywhere but in the center of all God has for us. Then, she says:  "You aren't created to settle.  You're created to dwell." (129)

hmmmm...

I know that I might be straying away from the core message of this chapter here, but I love words, so I was puzzled.  What's the difference between to settle and to dwell?

I'm not an English native speaker, and of course, many things about the English language confuse me; but I want to know what she really meant?  I really want to know!  I think the author is inviting us to do something profound here, and I don't want to miss it.  After comparing definitions...I don't think I'm any clearer, so I think I need help from those who have been speaking and thinking in English since birth, because I believe that the difference resides in the connotation of the terms, not so much in the conceptual or denotative meaning. 

To dwell in the Old Testament usually is a translation of words that mean to sit down, and also to abide, to inhabit, to remain.  In the New Testament the most frequent meaning is to abide.  (https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/eastons-bible-dictionary/dwell.html)  According to the same source in Bible Study Tools online, to settle denotes fixedness.  In the Old Testament, to settle points to a condition of absolute quiescence, as the settlings on the lees (Zephaniah 1: 12, Jeremiah 48: 11); and in still another place it means packing solidly together (Psalm 65: 10).

"Settling on the lees..." that made me even more intrigued... "Men settled on their lees" (Zephaniah 1: 12) are men "hardened or crusted." The image is derived from the crust formed at the bottom of wines long left undisturbed (Jeremiah 48: 11). The effect of wealthy undisturbed ease on the ungodly is hardening. They become stupidly secure." (http://biblehub.com/topical/l/lees.htm)

WOW!

So I guess...even though both words have similar conceptual meanings: to be established, to remain...the connotation of to dwell is never negative and it's mostly associated with God's choice to inhabit within close proximity of His children, and the need for His children to abide in Him.  To settle, on the other hand, has a connotation of fixedness...a faith that is so rigid that it's not malleable.  A life that is so set, that almost becomes a brick, which cannot be shaped any other way.  A walk that has stopped, even though the road is not over yet.

I guess, that's why friends so often tell their girlfriends "don't settle for that guy!" Once we settle, we run the risk of becoming stagnant...almost like we give up, and we just take what we got because we stop believing that there is something else better waiting for us as we continue our walk with Christ by our side.

The nuances of language are fascinating to me.  I'm not sure I got this right... but all I know is that I don't want my faith to become rigid.  I don't want to "settle on the lees."  I want to remain like the clay that He, Our Divine Potter, can mold in His loving hands and make me into His masterpiece.  I want to be obedient to Jesus, as He exhorts us to abide...to remain in Him.

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  

John 15: 7-11

Healed!

For the last 5 years I have had intense seasons of testing...literally...and figuratively...  It is amazing what you find out about yourself when illness strikes.  I have found out many things in my experience.  I have realized that I cannot do this alone.  I need the prayers and the warmth of those around me.  And I am most thankful because the Lord has blessed me with my very own, personal, great cloud of witnesses, who surround me, and who are made evident on the faces of my church family, sisters in Christ, prayer warriors, and blood family.  I have found out that I can call out to them and they answer me...which brings me the type of comfort and reassurance that could only be orchestrated from Heaven above!

I have also learned that I am weak.  I have learned that I crumble under pressure.  I have learned that I am not as strong as I once thought I was.  I used to border on arrogance when it came to thinking of myself.  I had this image of me being a tower of fortitude.  My years dealing with testing has taught me to be humble and not to think of myself as a self-sufficient entity.  I am weak.  But in my weakness, He is strong!  I have learned that too!  The weaker I am, the stronger His glory, power and might radiates!  Even me, little, weak me can do these things...yes...not because I am awesome...but because He is!

I have also realized that my faith needs to be strengthened.  Again, I bordered on arrogance when it came to what I thought my level of maturity in the faith was.  I thought of myself as a rather advanced Christian...whatever that might mean?!  Pride blurred my vision and deceived me into thinking I had the matters of the Spirit all figured out.  Little did I know then, that I know very little about anything.  The constant testing, however, has helped me push ahead in my steps of faith.  Rather than immediate panic as my first response, I now know I must go to the Word.  I find my refuge in the Psalms during my time of testing.  And every time I open my Bible, I discover a fresh word... yesterday, as I waited (not my favorite activity at all!) to get the results of my last tests, I was reading through the Psalms and this jumped at me:

Praise be to the Lord,

for he has heard my cry for mercy. 

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

My heart leaps for joy,

and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28: 6-7

I read these words shortly before I received the e-mail that contained the results of that one tests I was fearing...and it was a direct word from the Lord, in my opinion...for I have been reciting to myself the words:  "I trust You, Lord! I trust You, Lord!..." over and over and over again for weeks...and He helped me...so reading this Psalm was particularly invigorating!  

I went downstairs and checked my e-mail and there it was...a completely normal result on my cancer marker... my last check up the number had been higher than usual, which caused me to freak out!  But here it was, back to the normal level...

But, why was I surprised!?  I was not.  The Lord is Faithful and He has healed me.  I just have to believe it!  He has healed me for a purpose...I have to claim it!  He has given me victory, I need to own it!

But, furthermore, even if I weren't healed...He is still Good and His plan is still perfect!  I learned that 5 years ago when I got a diagnosis I had been fearing.  I learned that back then when the outcome was not what I had prayed for.  I learned that when He showed me that regardless of the answer, His ways are better than mine.

I don't think I could be experiencing the intensity of relationship I have now with Christ, had the doctor told me, back in 2013, that I was clean and that there were no malignant lesions.  I would just had gone back to my old ways...my growth had been stagnant...my relationships with my beloved had stayed superficial.  

He loves us anyway.  And so should we.  Let us Trust and Believe that His timing and paths are the perfect ones...not ours.  I still have a long way to go.  I just pray that for as long as God gives me life, I can focus on seeking Him first and continue figuring out His designs for my life.  We have ALL been healed for a purpose.  I pray He shows it to us in a clear way, and that we have the courage to pursuit it!

Trust Stone

This past Sunday, Dylan got a beautiful stone with the word "Trust" engraved on it.  He got it at Children at Worship service.  I saw the stone and I wanted it!!!  We got into a... "discussion" about it, and came to an agreement:  the stone would sit in our kitchen, right above the sink for all of us to see at all times.  

I love that little stone.  It has brought me great comfort.  In these days of uncertainty, when fear creeps up in my heart, threatening to destroy me, deceiving me, creating a most unbearable battle in my mind...this little stone sits as a reminder to bring me back to the Solid Rock of my Salvation!  

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 

Psalm 62: 6

I fill my heart with thanksgiving and praise so fear may have no place.  I thank my Loving, Heavenly Father for being my Provider and for pointing me to the truth that He is into the smallest of details.  He knew I needed a solid reminder that He is on the Throne now and forever more.  And I thank Him for it

I will continue to look at that little trust stone as a way to redirect my thoughts.  As a reminder that I want to build my house upon the Rock so it would not be washed away by the current, the winds or the storm.  Keep us under Your Wings, Our Dear Lord!

I Almost Cried

Movies are one of the main source of entertainment for our family.  We are constantly watching films on TV and the boys and I often go to the theaters to watch new releases.  Dan sometimes joins us, but he is pretty selective.  Most of the time is just the kids and I.  The funny thing is that if there is anything, like even a little bit of emotional stuff in the movie we are watching, Dylan and I usually get caught up in it and we can't help it... we are criers... Grant, on the other hand...man, is that kid tough? or what?  I don't remember when was the last time I saw anything resembling tears on that boy's face. 

Anyhoo... he always makes fun of Dylan and I for being such softies at the movies.  It is not even funny anymore.

Well, last night, the four of us went to see the movie I Can Only Imagine ...WOW!  What a film... Powerful to say the least.  And of course...a tear-jerker of the best kind.  The movie ended, and as the credits began to roll on the screen, this brief exchange took place:

Dylan: "I cried like 9 times."  (9 is a number Dylan uses when he means A LOT!)
Me:     "Man...that was awful!  Me too..." 
Dylan: "I thought I was going to burst!"
Me:     "I didn't know what to do with myself!"

We found our composure and walked out to the lobby where we saw several familiar faces from church.  I thought I could talk about some particular details about the movie, so I began to mention that one of my favorite parts was the drawing of the...NO SPOILER, because that's about all I could say before I sensed my face begin to discombobulate and felt hot tears forming in my eyes...so I just stopped mid sentence, which my interlocutor was grateful for because she was beginning to tear up too.

We said our goodbyes and as we walked out of the theater, Dylan and I started talking about how sad we were again, at which Grant said:  "I almost cried."

WHOA, WHAT?

I hadn't even thought about asking him about it since it never occurred to me to mention it...so the words took me by surprise.  Then, I knew that movie was powerful.

I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't seen it.  I just want to say that I endorse it :)  Not that my endorsement means anything, but if you are looking for a movie that has the ability to deeply touch your emotions...this is one.  It's real, and perhaps, it could be too real.  I heard today that Bart Millard, the lead singer of the group Mercy Me on whose life the movie is based, had to go to therapy before they could produce the movie for it deals with such profoundly intimate issues that if left unresolved, they can really mess up one's life.

I think people are going to be talking about this movie for a long time.  The lessons we can glean from it are countless.  And most of all, the proof of the love and might of our Great Lord is evident on the screen in a way that could be perceived by even those not in the faith.

I pray it is a huge hit and that moviegoers all over the world benefit from it.  If you have a chance, go see it...but, remember, bring a box of kleenex...because I bet, that at least, you may "almost cry"!

Flowing Peace

This year, I decided that my guiding word was going to be peace... So far, the New Years resolution had been working fine... up until now...

As my hour of test approaches, I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into worry-induced anxiety about the results of my upcoming medical tests.  I have tried to keep busy, but it just happens:  thoughts of "what if" scenarios begin to pop into my mind and I begin to have cold sweats and shivers all over my body. 

Then, I knew it was time for reinforcements.  I've said it before, if I don't talk about it, I burst.  It is worst for me to keep my anguish secret, so I write about it...that's the most effective way for me to express it.  So, over the last couple of days, I texted, posted it, e-mailed it,  blogged it... and in response, I have felt the peace of Christ flowing, pouring down on me in the words, thoughts and prayers that my sisters in Christ have showered me with.

The Lord speaks peace to me through the people He puts along my path, and for that I am most grateful.

He speaks to me through their words and through the words I find from other sources as well.  Of course, He speaks to me through His Word.  I grabbed my Bible yesterday and began my journey through the Psalms again.  It is amazing how soothing reading the psalms could be.    Along with the words of encouragement from my loved ones as well as His Word, I also read the following in my daily devotional this morning:

"Don't take yourself so seriously.  Lighten up and laugh with Me.  You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about?  I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is My will.  The more difficult your day, the more I yearn to help you.  Anxiety wraps you up in yourself, trapping you in your own thoughts.  When you look to Me and whisper My Name, you break free and receive My help.  Focus on Me, and you will find Peace in My Presence." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

I had to share this.  It is just too perfect. 

It is funny too, because I have heard Dan telling me exactly that:  "Don't take yourself so seriously.  Lighten up and laugh a little," millions of times for the last ...  I don't even know how many years.  He began telling me that since we were dating, almost 27 years ago...and he is still saying it...because I have yet to learn to do it.  And here it is, God, Himself telling me...so Dan must be onto something here...

How many time I choose the frown over the smile?
How many times I choose the grunts over the chuckles?
How many times I choose the sadness over the joy?
How many times I choose the fright over the hope?

Perhaps, the secret is, indeed, to not take myself so seriously.  It is only life.  We all have to go through it, and nobody comes out of it alive...so...

I pray that the words of my friends, my sisters, my husband, and above all, My Lord would finally penetrate my soul, piercing my closed up heart, allowing the peace of the person of Jesus Christ to finally invade my core.